Jasmine Harris
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The stranger
There have been too many sleepless nights. My back is killing me. I feel like I've strained it. My joints are aching to the point where I don't want to move. I just want to sleep. I want to close my eyes for a few months. There's too much noise. I need silence. Opening my apartment door, I stared blankly inside. Slowly I closed the door, took five deep breaths, and closed it again. I walked in not knowing what to expect. Only the darkness flooded my senses.
By Jasmine Harris4 years ago in Horror
Dear Universe
Dear Life, I want to experience you to the fullest. I want to live my best life. The problem is that I don’t know where to start. I’m trying to figure out where I belong. What is my purpose in life? How do I know if I found it? I feel so lost. It’s like my entire existence is meaningless. At this point, I no longer have any idea what's going on. I am seriously just pretending to know what to do. You aren’t really helping me out at all. You need to get your shit together. I’m getting really tired of being alive right now. Just do something to make it all stop. Please stop sending all these people into my life. I'm sick of dealing with people who are only out for themselves. I'm going to start stabbing people. I am not built to deal with this much stupidity. Give me something to work with. Just do something other than what you're doing. Start a zombie apocalypse. I'm actually somewhat prepared to deal with zombies. Or even let aliens invade this shit hole of a planet. Obviously, plagues aren't working. Maybe we need a different way to end the world. Look, it's quite apparent that you don't know what you're doing either. If you did everything would be different. You need to step up your game. Put someone else in charge if you need to. I don't want to tell you how to do your job. But you're doing everything wrong at this point. You are failing miserably at all of this. You are also making us all miserable in the process. Give it up already. You obviously have no idea what you are doing. Why exactly did you place these people in my life? I'm starting to wonder if this is a cruel joke. You are a sadist or something. Why is any of this ok? Can't you help me out just a little? Give me some sort of break, please. I'm getting really tired of being this stressed all the time. I'm about to combust. I don't know how much more of this I can take. What is going on with you? Haven't you done enough to me in my lifetime? Is there some sort of lesson that I'm supposed to be learning? I'm over all of it. I am completely done with everything. I don't care anymore. This is me giving up entirely. I don't know what else you want from me. I don't know what else you could possibly do. You've already cost me my sanity. You've already cursed me with a plethora of mental illnesses. What else is there? None of this is making sense anymore. I am forfeiting; you win. Whatever sick game this is, you win. There couldn't possibly be anything else that you could do. I have nothing else to give. I have nothing else to lose. This is it for me. I've got absolutely nothing left. There is no more fight in me. I am ready to let it all fade to black. I just want some peace and quiet. I don't want to have to continue to try this hard. I am completely exhausted. I need a long break. I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to do anything anymore. Maybe it's time for you to retire. Let's make a deal, you retire and I'll take whatever is given to me. Or you could start a zombie apocalypse and end everything right now. This way we both win or neither of us wins.
By Jasmine Harris4 years ago in Journal
Not Gonna Happen
Dear Psycho, Sorry to burst your bubble but no one cares how you feel. Guess what? The world does not revolve around you. You have successfully ruined relationships with 2 of your 4 children. You have treated us badly for the last time. Stop throwing yourself a pity party. You are a grown-ass adult. It is not my job to take care of you when you're sick. I don't see you helping me when I'm sick. And I have to get up and take care of a child.
By Jasmine Harris4 years ago in Families
Respect
Dear Lucifer, Why is it that you think that you deserve respect? Just because you are my elder does not automatically grant you my respect. My respect is earned not freely given. If you respect me I will respect you. You want to come into my home screaming and yelling, then don't expect me to show you any kind of respect. We are full-grown adults, not children. We should be perfectly capable of speaking like it. Since you can't seem to grasp that concept then, just don't come around me. As a matter of fact, just don't speak to me anymore. I will always give the same amount of respect to you that I am given. Don't think for a second that my silence means that I won't fight back. I just don't see you as worth my time and energy. I refuse to let you have that power over me. I will match your energy. You have this mentality that you're better than everyone else. You need to take a closer look in the mirror. I know you like to think your shit don't stink. Sorry to burst your bubble, but all shit smells like shit. And you happen to reek of bullshit. You can talk all you want but your actions don't back you up. You're no better than the rest of us. Maybe you should humble yourself and remember where you came from. Have you forgotten your beginnings? Have you lost your way or something? Just as easily as you got to where you are, you can fall back down the ladder. I don't know who told you that you were special. I do know that they lied. You have no skills. You have no talent. Just look at your life. You couldn't make any of your dreams happen. And now you're living a sad, miserable life. A life that you hate might I add. The fact that you think you can come into my home and treat me badly is laughable. How fucking dare you? I am not a child and you will not treat me like one. I refuse to let you believe otherwise. This is my home, not yours. You do not get to come in here acting like it is. You don't need to be here. No one wants you here. No one has a problem with you leaving and not coming back. In fact, we happily welcome it. I have no problem cutting toxic people out of my life. It doesn't stop at family. Just because we're family doesn't mean that I won't hesitate to burn that bridge. I will cut off every form of communication. You chose to disrespect me and now you have to face the consequences. You reap what you sow. You have overstepped boundaries and crossed too many lines. I refuse to put up with this kind of behavior. You hold no value in my life. I don't value your opinion and I don't value you. You hold no worth in my life. I didn't need you then and don't need you now. If you think otherwise then you're a fool. So instead of playing the victim again why don't you acknowledge your shortcomings? Admit that you're wrong for once in your life. Be an adult and take responsibility for your shit. Instead of trying to make everyone else in your life look like the villain. The damage has been done. The bridges have been burned. There is nothing you can do that can repair what little relationship we had. And I'm completely ok with that.
By Jasmine Harris4 years ago in Families
From The Beginning
To whom it may concern, I'm not sure what to say. I don't really know where to begin. I would start at the beginning, but that part is a bit blurry. I wish I could remember everything clearly. Alas, my memory fails me. No matter what the beginning is, there are things that must be said. There are things that I must get off my chest. I have a story that I need to tell. Something that I should have shared a long time ago. I wasn't sure if I wanted to share my story at first. However, I felt that in order for me to move on, I needed to get it out. I need someone to hear it. I need someone who is actually willing to listen. I will admit that I never thought that I would ever do something like this. Please keep an open mind. Try not to judge me too harshly. I was very young when these things first happened. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to process the trauma. I still don't. It's consumed me for long enough. I want to be free from this burden. I'm tired of feeling guilty for what was done to me. It’s not something I wish on anyone. All I ask is that you try and understand. There were things that happened when I was young. Things I wish I could take back. Things that should have never happened. They did however and it can never be undone. The pain can never be unfelt. The betrayal and guilt will follow me for my entire life. Even if it wasn't my fault. It’s haunted me most of my life. I wish that I could take it back. Sadly, it’s stuck with me for all of eternity. I wonder what would have been different if these things had never happened. I thought it was my fault for a while. Like I had done something wrong. It took me years to realize that I had done nothing wrong. Nothing that I had done made it my fault. This is my life and I deserve to be heard. I deserve some peace. I'm sick of hiding what happened. I don't want to keep it a secret anymore. I want to be free from this burden. I want to be truly and fully happy. I will no longer let my trauma define me. I will no longer protect those who have hurt me. I am a broken shell of a once happy girl. I'm going to change that. I am going to take back the control that was stolen from me. I will no longer live in the shadows of other people's mistakes. I have done nothing to be treated like that. I'm starting to notice more and more how many people that I don't need in my life. The more boundaries I set, the more people leave. The more I stand up for myself, the more people think I'm rude or disrespectful. I'm done letting people think they can walk all over me. I'm done letting people think that just because I don't say anything that means they can disrespect me. I'm becoming myself more and more every day. I'm going to speak my mind. I'm done staying silent so others will feel better. I'm done trying to spare other people's feelings. I'm taking back control of my life. I'm ready to live my life to the fullest. No more letting other people make my decisions for me. Time to get back to being me strong and independent self.
By Jasmine Harris4 years ago in Confessions
