Ian Vince

Joined October 2020

123 stories

Bio

Erstwhile non-fiction author, ghost & freelance writer for others, finally submitting work that floats my own boat, does my own thing. I'll deal with it if you can.

Top Writer in Humo(u)r.

Achievements (6)

Stories (123)

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BritGrub: The British National Diet
The Department of Social Scrutiny is proud to present the first annual event to celebrate the new British National Diet.
By Ian Vince8 months ago in Humor
Called to the Bar
Britons have a special aptitude for being drunk and are rightly famous the world over for it. Whether it’s lager-fuelled football hooligans or Scotch-doused MPs, getting inebriated is a national pastime and is as much a part of our heritage as over-boiled vegetables, tea and losing at sport.
By Ian Vince8 months ago in Humor
A Guide to the British Pub
Swinging open the doors of an assortment of hostelries, the Department of Social Scrutiny looks for the perfect British public house.
By Ian Vince8 months ago in Humor
Ministry of Nutrition.. Top Story - May 2025.
Snacks are great, aren’t they? They help you to live the life you live the life of, without breaking for one moment longer than it takes to nosebag a few grams of nutritionally enhanced sawdust down your over-anxious gut-funnel.
By Ian Vince8 months ago in Humor
Capital Letters
The people of Cornwall have a telling name for the humble Puffin, the pint-sized bird that bustles its way around many of the county’s cliff tops, occasionally stopping to stare vacantly at the sea as though it had never seen it before; they call it ‘The Londoner’.
By Ian Vince8 months ago in Motivation
An All-Embracing Rejection
Oh, Dear Me, I am taking the unusual step of writing to you to formalise an oral arrangement we made earlier today, sotto voce, in the bathroom with the taps running and the door locked.
By Ian Vince8 months ago in Journal
I'm So Liminal, I'm Over There.
Liminal spaces are uncanny. Stonehenge, Roswell and an undisclosed enclave of infinite implausibility within the brains of any former member of the rock group Marillion are all good examples of liminal locations, but the most famous is the town of Trepanning in Cornwall, UK.
By Ian Vince8 months ago in Poets
No promise can break in a life of promise.
I knew my father like the back of his hand. The back of his hand, the front of his hand, his palm threshed my leg in wild swipes. He was possessed by his own inadequacy. His short temper and busted ambition turned him to barely-held frenzy, but eyes betrayed his fear. Nobody knew in the moment, least of all him, whether it was fear of who he was or how far he could go. Something inside of him wanted me to feel it too.
By Ian Vince8 months ago in Poets
I Changed My Mind. Top Story - April 2025. Content Warning.
Multiple moments of mental metamorphosis. I have already submitted a story to the competition, but I’ve changed my mind. It happens.
By Ian Vince9 months ago in Psyche
A Paradigm Shift in Global Ops
Dear Valued Stakeholders, As a forward-thinking organization committed to delivering unparalleled value, we must address a recent development impacting our operational landscape as well as the actual landscape. We understand that the unfolding global transition, colloquially referred to as the “end of the world,” has presented unforeseen challenges and requires a proactive, results-oriented response.
By Ian Vince9 months ago in Humor
Towards a Cure for Death
We know how hard it is to contemplate the end. There is a variety of paperwork to negotiate for one thing, a lifetime of your current existential framework to overcome, as well as the unmitigated inconvenience of death itself.
By Ian Vince9 months ago in Longevity
I Went to British Heaven. Top Story - March 2025.
It caught me off guard at first, but I was reassured by the fact that, if you will forgive the phrase, [the after] life goes on. And on, and on, and on, as a matter of fact – so it’s good to make sure you’ve turned the gas off and taken your library books back.
By Ian Vince10 months ago in Humor