Everyday Junglist
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About me. You know how everyone says to be a successful writer you should focus in one or two areas. I continue to prove them correct.
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Just Another Job
There was only one rule, don't open the door. Actually there were two, if you counted my partner Tim's slide rule. Why he carried the ancient measuring and calculation device was anyone's guess. He said it was "for protection" when asked. The answer seemed ludicrous. At 6'6" tall, 350lbs his appearance was monstrous, as was his attitude. The last thing he needed was protection. That was the biggest problem with human wolf hybrids, bad attitudes. That and an the occasional insatiable need to tear the arms off of any normals or hybrids that got in his way. He had been a scientist once and Dave thought he really carried the slide rule as a reminder. Currently, the normal human Dave and wolf hybrid Tim stood and pondered the door. Dave silently, lost in thought, while Tim sat down on his haunches and emitted a low growl, mind racing with thoughts of the hunt. Sheep left unguarded, his next meal. Finally Dave spoke. "Timothy, I don't give a fuck about the rules. I want that door open, and you are the man to open it." He paused, considering, then added. "Or wolf man I guess I should say. Have at it." Tim had barely heard his friend so occupied was his mind with thoughts of killing and eating. But he saw him gesture toward the door and got the general idea. Breaking things happened to be one of his many specialties and this door would be no different. He lowered his shoulder, snarled, and exploded toward it at full speed. Just seconds before impact, the door opened suddenly, and he disappeared into it carried forward by his momentum. Tim looked on in surprise then said "Here we go again." before quickly following, shutting the door behind him as he went.
By Everyday Junglistabout a year ago in Fiction
Raverstrike
"The river ran backwards on the day the Queen vanished. It was my master Loki who was responsible you insolent fool." the creature before him snarled as he prepared to attack the badly wounded Baj once again. "She had dared defy him and he banished her to the underworld, then reversed the river flooding and destroying her entire kingdom. Now he has ordered your death. Your fate will be worse then your Queen's I'm afraid." Baj knew the creature lied. It was actually his Goddess Elyria who had reversed the rivers flow, and the Queen had actually been banished to another plane where she lived as a lowly maidservant, her memories of her former royal life completely erased. His thoughts turned to the Goddess and he cursed her under his breath. Damn you Elyria, where in the seven hells are you. I need you.... now. Baj's mind raced as he tried desperately to find a way out out his current predicament. The creature he faced had hurt him badly. He was cut in at least ten places, one of which was a very serious deep slash wound to the calf that had nearly taken off his right foot. That wound was bleeding so much it had already caused him to slip twice, and had almost cost him his life the last time he lost his footing. He knew he was outmatched. The creature, known as a raverstrike was a favorite assassin of the Gods and possessed divine strength, speed, and stamina. His expert level hand to hand combat and weapons skills, obtained through years of torturous training at the academy, were all that had kept him alive this long. However, he knew they would not be enough to defeat the raver, only his Goddess could save him now. That thought caused his fury to rise and he screamed and cursed even as he watched his life's blood drain from him. The raverstrike looked at Baj with its large black eyes which had rolled forward in the deeply recessed sockets on each side of its vaguely horse like head. Long arms protruded from each side of its massive seven foot tall well muscled trunk. Those arms ended in a single razor sharp curved claw, both of which were soaked in Baj's blood. It dripped down slowly toward the ground from along the length of each claw and the creature's long tongue protruded outward to lap it up out of the sky as it fell. It was a grotesque sight and when it spoke the tone of it hurt Baj's ears and caused his head to ache and his heart to freeze in his chest. "Your bitch Goddess can't save you human. Loki himself has ordered your death, and I am here to see that his will is done." As it spoke it moved slowly toward Baj maneuvering to within striking distance of its claws, raising one giant arm to throw the killing blow. It was so close now that Baj could feel the heat emanating from the monsters body like a furnace.
By Everyday Junglistabout a year ago in Fiction
The Age of DisKord
The river ran backwards on the day the Queen vanished. Baj knew, it was entirely the fault of his Goddess. One, of many things that particularly bothered Baj about the Gods and Goddesses, was the seeming unfairness of it all. Why had those, like Elyria, the Goddess who had tricked him into servitude and banished the Queen to another dimension for the temerity to turn down her request to join her church, been given so much power, and mortals like him, so little. It was somewhat debatable if sleeping with a Goddess of your own volition qualified as being 'tricked', but it was no doubt true that it was that act which had bound him to her as one of her many mortal servants. She had used her God-given powers to take his soul and makes it hers to control at the exact moment when he was at his weakest. The moment of completion of their union as man and woman. What Baj called the completion of their union as man and woman, most called orgasm and ejaculation, but he had been raised in the land of Cleves where the use of such crude language was simply not acceptable, and his embarrassment whenever Elyria would speak in such crass terms never failed to amuse her. She could sense his thoughts through their bond and thus always knew exactly what he felt, and exactly about what he was thinking, even as he slept. Of course, there were some gaps which Baj had learned to exploit to his advantage over the years, but they were minimal, and he had been forced to deal with the fact of another person, a woman no less, crawling around in his head at all times. Constantly judging and evaluating him, and finding him lacking in almost all respects, as she never failed to remind him. In fact however, it was quite the opposite. Elyria found the human fascinating for reasons she could never explain. She derived a secret thrill whenever she did probe his mind, a thing which she only did on very rare occasions, and only when, in her judgement, the need was great. There were ample reasons to question the wisdom of her judgement, nevertheless, this was a secret that she kept from Baj, along with her true feelings. She hid those behind a veneer of verbal humiliations, put downs, and an attitude of latent superiority which never ceased to irritate the fire out of him. Somehow he had managed to keep a few secrets locked away in his mind just out of her reach, and he knew she knew it too, and this fact drove the Goddess to the brink of fury on several occasions resulting in severe mental punishments for him. She could make him feel pain, great pain when she so desired, but also immense pleasure. And she used both to manipulate him and all her servants to great effect. But of all her manservants, Baj was her most favored, most cursed he would say, to any of the others that would listen.
By Everyday Junglistabout a year ago in Fiction
A Beloved Nursery Rhyme As Sky Ku
Rain, rain go away Come again On another day Author's postscript: Any and all resemblance to the classic nursery rhyme Rain rain go away is entirely coincidental. Or is it entirely intentional? I will leave it up to you, the reader, to decide. Incidentally, like with many nursery rhymes the origin and meaning of this one is open for debate, but the most popular theory dates it back to the reign of Elizabeth I of England. The invasion of the Spanish Armada was, in part, defeated by the stormy weather (which scattered the Armada fleet). One version of the original "lyrics" are below:
By Everyday Junglistabout a year ago in Poets
The Sadness of a Goddess
"The river ran backwards on the day the Queen vanished. And it was I that did that mortal, never forget that, if you want to live that is." And she smiled at Baj as she said it, and he was grateful for that smile even if the words behind it were poisonous. Such was the nature of Gods and Goddesses. No matter what they said or did you could not help but be entranced by them. However, Baj had spent close to ten years as her servant, and, in that time, he had developed techniques for resisting her powers. Her words and smile still effected him, but not to nearly the extent of most and he delighted in reminding her of that fact.
By Everyday Junglistabout a year ago in Fiction
Superman
Look there, in the sky It's a bird A plane, Superman
By Everyday Junglistabout a year ago in Poets
They Have No Language
There was only one rule: don't open the door. That was what I was told when I first joined the project team in the high arctic. They had found a door, deep underground, at the base of an ancient city, and had excavated and explored in all directions around it, but had not yet dared open it, and by rule, none could. I asked the expedition leader about it on my second day. He went silent for a moment, bowed his head, then looked me straight in the eyes and said. "At its base our world, at least our understanding of it is restricted to what we can describe with language. The rules of grammar define what we can do with language and thus those rules define what the world is for us." He paused for a moment, and I interjected. "Okay Professor Wittgenstein, I get it. Next you are going to tell me about language games and the private language argument. What does that have to do with the door and the rule about not opening it?" He stared at me silently, no laugh nor even a smile at my remark. "The things which live behind that door have no language, they have no grammar, thus they have no world, not really, at least not a world we could understand. If they were to find their way into our world all would be lost. We inhabit a world comprised of rules, including the one about the door." I thought for a moment then asked "What about on their side? What's to stop them from opening it from their side? Do they have the same rule?" The leader's face grew even grimmer and darker as he replied "Remember what I said. They have no language. What do you think?"
By Everyday Junglistabout a year ago in Horror
Brink of War
The river ran backwards on the day the Queen vanished. That was a thing about which the Goddess very rarely liked to talk, for it was herself who had caused the river to reverse course. She had done it out of spite, the queen had rejected her offer to join her in spreading the word of her church and philosophy, and so she had turned the river around to destroy all the lands of her kingdom, then banished her to another dimension where she lived as a lowly maidservant, all her memories of being a Queen and her former life erased. It was a harsh punishment indeed but the Goddess was capricious and sometimes cruel. She only took men as her servants but would accept women into her church if they desired it. Over the millennia very few had volunteered and those few she had invited to join had each rejected her offer, and all had met equally terrible fates. The bulk of her church was made up of captured men. Most had been forced into servitude as Baj had been so many years ago. Tricked into servitude in his case, but that was a tale for another day.
By Everyday Junglistabout a year ago in Fiction
Face the Thing That Should Not Be
'There was only one rule: don’t open the door.' "I'm not a big fan of rules" I said in my best Schwarzenegger voice, as I pulled back the slide on the GAU-21 0.50 caliber mini gun mounted to the right side of the armored battle tank in which I currently sat, dropped my ear protectors down over my ears, and pulled the trigger. The gun could deliver 1,100 rounds per minute and it's barrel spun crazily making a sound like whirling helicopter blades as it expelled white hot death into the door, reducing it to sawdust and ash in seconds. I released the trigger and the barrel slowly came to a stop as smoke rose from it, and from the spot where the decimated door once stood. As the smoke cleared I could see the darkness beyond and a pit of fear rose in my stomach. I experienced a moment of vertigo and it felt as if the heavily armed tank would be sucked into the gaping maw of blackness that had opened before us. As the vertigo subsided a low humming sound could be heard coming from the darkness. Time itself seemed to slow as that humming rose in volume and pitch becoming a screetch that was almost deafening. Luckily I still wore my ear protection as I'm not sure I could have kept my sanity if I had been exposed to the full noise of the thing. And it was a thing which raced straight towards us. A thing that should not be. I said a quick prayer, aimed the mini-gun straight into its monstrous, Chthonian face, pulled back the slide once again, closed my eyes, and squeezed the trigger. The bullets exploded into the ophidian creature and it roared and then all went black.
By Everyday Junglistabout a year ago in Horror
The Temple At Ephaistos
The river ran backwards on the day the Queen vanished. "Sounds like something Aphrodite might say" the Goddess snorted in disgust as she read the words aloud from the inscription on the stone tablet which currently sat upon her lap "That whore has vexed me again." Baj winced at the mention of the Goddess Aphrodite. As with Athena, Elyria held a strange fascination bordering on obsession with the Goddess of love, but, unlike with Athena, for Aphrodite, Elyria bore no admiration or grudging respect. Instead she expressed only contempt and a deep seated hatred and jealousy. Whenever her name was spoke aloud he knew he was in for a long winded tirade describing the many faults and shortcomings of Aphrodite and her hordes of "zombies" as Elyria referred to the unfortunate men, who, like himself had been pressed into service of a Goddess mostly against their will. Although his own forced servitude was painful and humiliating, when he thought of Aphrodite's zombies he was thankful for his own fate. Unlike Elyria, when Aphrodite enslaved a man she took not only his body and spirit, but also robbed him of his mind. They became like empty shells, not able to think for themselves, or act in any way without the express approval of Aphrodite herself. Only breathing without permission was allowed. The zombies could not eat, bathe, or even piss or shit without first asking Aphrodite. Many of her men died of starvation or disease, not for lack of food or clean clothes and shelter but because the Goddess simply forgot, or actively withheld, approving their ability to eat or to bath themselves. For a man like Baj, it would be a fate worse then death. After giving Elyria a moment to compose herself Baj dared ask somewhat impertinently "What has she done this time Goddess?" Elyria fumed at the question, her cheeks reddening a bit, biting down softly on her lower pouty lip before replying sharply "Several of her zombies have managed to infiltrate my great temple at Ephaistos and stolen one of my Elyrian spears." The spears were powerful weapons indeed. When thrown by the Goddess they could travel many miles at speeds approaching that of sound, and they always found their target. They were said to have been forged of purissimum argentum by the great dwarven silversmith Skardak Forgehelm and had been given to the Goddess as a gift by the dwarven demiGod AnKaris whose love for Elyria was legendary, at least in the mind of the Goddess. In reality, AnKaris was something of a player having impregnated at least three Goddesses including Elyria in the span of less than 100 years. A timeframe that for a mortal would equate to someething like a week. One of the other impregnated Goddesses happend to be Aphrodite, a fact that no doubt contributed at least in part to Elyria's seething jealousy and hatred for her. "The great temple at Ephaistos is one of your strongholds Goddess. How could they manage such a thing?" Baj asked with only the slightest hint of sarcasm, which, of course the Goddess either did not, or pretended not, to notice. The so called "great" temple at Ephaistos, was, like many of the Goddesses temples only great if you considered a run down rock strewn former castle guesthouse, overrun by weeds and dikon lizards great. On a good day it boasted a contingent of no more than 20 of Elyria's servants and supplicants. Those few that did "live" at the "great" temple were typically of less than sound mind and body and many stayed only because they were given three meals a day and a stack of hay upon which to sleep whenever they did. The fact that they were also forced to spend up to 8 hours a day attending courses and listening to lectures describing in excrutiating detail the philosophy of hope and love espoused by the Goddess caused most of the homeless to quickly decide a life on the streets was preferable. "According to reports they disguised themselves as supplicants desiring to learn of my philosophy of hope and love. They said they had heard of my many wise teachings and great beauty and were so enthralled they immediately began a pilgrimage to the nearest temple dedicated to me so they might pledge themselves as supplicants." "And your temple guards believed that obviously made up story?" Baj sneered, then immediately regreted his words when he saw the anger twinged with hurt on the Goddesses face. Then he felt the pain, the sting of the mental whip she stung him with. He dropped to a knee and gasped as he always did whenever she punished him in this way. The pain was significant and severe and in this particular case she had struck him hard, very hard. "Of course they believed it. Such a thing is a very common occurrence at my many temples human. Now get up and shut up. It is time for us to leave." the Goddess spat angrily "To where do we head Goddess?" Baj asked timidly, still regaining his senses and a bit off balance from the whipping he had just recieved. "To the great temple at Ephaistos of course. Where else?" As they set off to gather their belongings for the long trip west to Ephaistos Baj fumed in anger at the Goddess for the punishment. It was not deserved and unjust, arbitrary and capricious and he hated the Goddess for it each and every time she did it. And yet, it was not the anger in her eyes that he remembered when he replayed in his mind what had just transpired, but rather the hurt. Surprisingly he found himself regretting what he had said because of the pain he had caused. He was sorry for the small seed of self doubt he had sown in her mind with his comment. Quickly he reprimanded himself. She is an evil creature Baj, not to be trusted, only to be used as I need her, nothing more he thought, and he almost believed it too.
By Everyday Junglistabout a year ago in Fiction
A Career Writing Objective Exceeded Times Two
Many of my reader(s) know that in my long career in various research microbiology roles there had been one career goal I had consistently failed to achieve. Since my earliest days of graduate school I had longed to contribute an original joke to the pantheon of classics that make up the niche oeuvre comprised of jokes about microbiology. In October of 2019 I finally stumbled upon one, and it was a beauty. Simple, elegant, funny, but only to a select group of fellow nerds, and best of all I could not find, nor have I yet, found a record of it having been thought of (or at least written down) previously. That joke has rapidly ascended to become an all time classic and is below.
By Everyday Junglistabout a year ago in Humor
