Everyday Junglist
Bio
About me. You know how everyone says to be a successful writer you should focus in one or two areas. I continue to prove them correct.
Stories (709)
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To Be Honest
There are a number of specific phrases that lying persons are said to use when exaggerating the truthfulness of their spoken or written words. One of the most commonly mentioned of these is the phrase “to be honest.” The use of this particular phrase reveals an overemphasis on truthfulness which is often listed as an indicator that someone is lying. Recently a friend called me out during a discussion for using the phrase, and suggested I was likely lying because of it. I am no different than any other human being alive, and cannot claim that I never have, or never do, lie, however in this case I was being perfectly honest (and there I go again overemphasizing my truthfulness, am I lying about not lying? No I am not.) Later I caught myself using the phrase again in an email and again, in that particular case, I was not lying, or dissembling, or misleading in any way.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Criminal
How I Lose Wealth In 4 Steps
I’m not hungry for money. but I am actually hungry. Compared to several years ago, when I had more money, I still have the same life, but less food. I wake up, drink my instant coffee, roll a fat splif and then start smoking until about 3 or 4 in the afternoon. Then, I put on my shorts and t-shirt and start drinking.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Journal
King Phillip Came Over From Great Spain
I happened to hear a classic old tune I like the other day. If you guessed, 1994s breakout hit Regulate by the legendary Warren G, you’d be wrong. It was actually that stupid song for teaching kids about the Linnaeus classification system in biology. You know what I’m talking about right? the kingdom, phylum, class, order thing…..King Phillip came over from great Spain. If you ever had to take a science class in grades 2–8, especially if there was any sort of focus on biology it probably would have been forced on you at some point. The song is super annoying but kind of catchy. Lyrics and link if you are a glutton for punishment.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Earth
I’m a Gen-Xer, and I Still Don’t Give a Fuck
I’m a Millennial, and I’m Not Sorry . Which is very millennial to say. Which is very Gen X to say. I guess. Gen Xer’s used to get a lot of crap, particularly by older generations. We were often told we are self-absorbed, lazy, and complained too much. And the fact that we didn’t give a fuck about what the older generations said really pissed them off.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Confessions
No Matter What You Think — You’re Probably Wrong
Let’s be honest, you have to be a little self-deluding to believe you can succeed in life. Unless you’re born into wealth, all the odds are against you. With pretty much every important thing we try to achieve, the chances of failure outweigh the chances of success. This is especially true for you. The person reading this very article at this very moment. Your chances of success at anything are virtually zero and growing smaller with each day older you become. Maybe if you spent less time reading pointless satirical articles on a two bit website in the backwaters of the internet you might have a chance to make something of yourself. But, I guess it’s too late for that now.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Humans
Give Me 5 Minutes and I’ll Give You 5 Ways To Blow 5K
Every time I write and talk about personal finance, people ask me, “How do I lose so much money?” Losing money is not that hard. You’re probably losing your share of cash right now. That means you already know how to do it, right? That’s one of the first things I learned about money.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Lifehack
Dear Doctors and Insurance Companies
I Am Way Too Lazy for All That and Isn’t That What I Pay You For? In general I consider myself a take charge kind of guy. Mostly I like to be in control, no matter the situation I am in. However, in one area of my life, my health, I most definitely do not want to be in control. In fact I think I have proven over and over again throughout the course of my life that I am incapable of handling the responsibility. Simply put, I suck at health, specifically I suck at my own health. I am just plain terrible at taking care of myself. When it comes to making healthy choices in food or engaging in healthy, low risk activities I fail again and again. Don’t even get me started on avoiding unhealthy and dangerous habits because I don’t. I am all over those.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Psyche
Yes, You Are Allowed to Laugh at COVID-19
I know not everyone agrees, but I happen to think that anything can be made fun of. There is no topic or subject for which humor is totally off limits. Of course there is a time and a place, and a right way and a wrong way, but there is always a time, and there is always a way. When parody and satire are deployed during the midst of a tragedy, determining that time and figuring out that right way is one of the humorists' most difficult tasks. And it is a very important task. Humor is perhaps the most underrated and underutilized mechanisms we have as humans for coping with loss and remaining calm when fear threatens to overwhelm us. It does this in many ways, but I think mostly it is because it allows us to put things in their proper perspective and "take a step back." It illuminates tragedy in a way that causes us to think about it in a different way, a better way. Instead of sadness and fear, we smile and laugh, and we think maybe everything is not as bad as it seems, or even if it is, that it's not the end of the world. Yes, the pandemic is terrible, and it is tragic, but it will not result in the end of the world, and not even the most skeptical and worried of experts (I count myself among that group) are suggesting that outcome as possible even in the worst case scenarios. With all that serious stuff out of the way read on for my very few attempts (3 total) at COVID humor. Probably not my best efforts but cut me some slack, difficult topic. Gheesh. LOL!
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Longevity
Local Idiot Somehow Creates Artificially Intelligent Machine using Deep Learning, Predictive Analytics, and an Artificial Neural Network Accidentally Developed with Synthetic Biology and Nanotechnology
Local idiot Timmy Timmerson somehow created the worlds first artificially intelligent machine today. He is reported to have accidentally used deep learning and predictive analytics techniques with an artificial neural network he somehow built in his garage. Apparently, the work was funded for some unknown reason with bitcoins and blockchain by tech titan Elon Musk, the ex Dr. Who actor who played Captain Jack Harkness on the show. Elon, who sometimes goes by the name of John Barrowman accidentally used virtual reality to transfer the bitcoins into Mr. Timmerson’s super saver checking account at the local fifth third bank where he previously kept his entire life savings of $44.32. As of today, the value of the account stands at roughly six billion dollars. Mr. Musk, who also played mustachioed porn star Elon Musk in the 1970s where his character was said to have a scent no woman could resist, was reportedly excited to have somehow contributed to the ground breaking achievement without his knowledge or consent.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Futurism
Alphabet Soup Featuring the Letters W, H, and A
If you are anything like me (you are not) than you think Vocal's writing challenges are anodyne, boring, cliche, and frankly stupid. Write a short fiction story about/featuring/mentioning a (fill in blank with some random everyday object associated with some literary "classic" story). Not to put to fine a point on it but yawn. How about trying something a little more challenging and a hell of a lot more interesting like the following writing challenge. Compose a poem, or a few poems, in which the first letter of every word is the same. The poem was be (mostly) grammatically correct and the story it tells actually make sense and not just be a string of gobbledy. My entry, a hybrid poem/short fiction tale with a very dark twist, using the W, H, and A is below. Can you do better?
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Poets
