Amanda Mosteller
Stories (5)
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Addictions
As I sit here and watch my baby sister kill herself I sit here and think "Who am I to judge, I have been there too Myself". Yet I want to tell her all the things she said to me, I only know this will backfire and send her drifting down a ravine. I try to tell her every day that if she wants I will help. But I also can't do anything until she wants me to is willing to help herself. I want so bad to be there, and be with her every day. She lives in another state, but if she asked me I would move today. I don't know how to take this pain, my sister is my best friend. I can't handle losing her, she is my only strength left until the end. She is my other half, depending on the day my good or bad side. Same goes with her, no matter how far apart our relationship will never die. I will never forget that phone call, when her boyfriend called me one night. He told me my sister had a heart attack, she was fighting for her life. Unable to go visit, because the world was in a pandemic, All I could do was call and call talking to doctors and nurses in a panic. Wanting to know every detail, wanting them to tell me she was ok. Instead they tell me she is on life support fighting for her life and dwindling away. She remained in ICU for another 3 1/2 weeks. She finally got to go home, called her the next day she was already having drinks. I was sick to my stomach, I couldn't understand. How she could be that close to death and go back to drinking like she never quit. Why doesn't she understand that its hurting everybody that loves her. I know she knows how it feels because I had an addiction when I was younger. She begged me all the time to just come home and that she loved me. I would make broken promises say I would come and she would never see me. Here's the difference between me and her, I was out running around but I wasn't in the ICU with my life slipping out beneath me. I don't know how to tell her this without her getting mad and disappearing, so instead I keep it to myself and keeps these feelings from appearing. I just tell her everyday that she always has somebody to confide, if she ever needs anything all she has to do is ask and she knows I will comply with anything that she needs or wants I want to do it for her. The only problem now is she not asking for it, I just continue to offer. I pray and pray every day As I sit here and watch my baby sister kill herself I sit here and think "Who am I to judge, I have been there too Myself". Yet I want to tell her all the things she said to me, I only know this will backfire and send her drifting down a ravine. I try to tell her every day that if she wants I will help. But I also can't do anything until she wants me to is willing to help herself. I want so bad to be there, and be with her every day. She lives in another state, but if she asked me I would move today. I don't know how to take this pain, my sister is my best friend. I can't handle losing her, she is my only strength left until the end. She is my other half, depending on the day my good or bad side. Same goes with her, no matter how far apart our relationship will never die. I will never forget that phone call, when her boyfriend called me one night. He told me my sister had a heart attack, she was fighting for her life. Unable to go visit, because the world was in a pandemic, All I could do was call and call talking to doctors and nurses in a panic. Wanting to know every detail, wanting them to tell me she was ok. I hated being so persistent but I also needed to know what was going on because they knew my sister was withdrawing from alcohol and also probably had drugs in her system, I know from personal experience how they treat people like that in the hospital. So with her not being able to have visitors they could pretty much let her die and not even lose sleep over it because they look at her like just some drug addict. So as I persistently call the hospital I try to explain to every nurse that she isn’t just some drug addict, she is my sister, she is a good person and just in a bad spot. She remained in ICU for another 3 1/2 weeks. She finally got to go home, called her the next day she was already having drinks. I was sick to my stomach, I couldn't understand. How she could be that close to death and go back to drinking like she never quit. Why doesn't she understand that its hurting everybody that loves her. I know she knows how it feels because I had an addiction when I was younger. She begged me all the time to just come home and that she loved me. I would make broken promises say I would come and she would never see me. Here's the difference between me and her, I was out running around but I wasn't in the ICU with my life slipping out beneath me. I don't know how to tell her this without her getting mad and disappearing, so instead I keep it to myself and keeps these feelings from appearing. I just tell her everyday that she always has somebody to confide, if she ever needs anything all she has to do is ask and she knows I will comply with anything that she needs or wants I want to do it for her. The only problem now is she not asking for it, I just continue to offer. I pray and pray every day that one day she will realize, that her life is so much more important than she makes it out to be and this life she is making is simply a disguise. I hope she knows I can not lose her, and I need her more than life. Maybe then she can finally see this addiction isn't worth the sacrifice. I love you always baby sister!
By Amanda Mosteller5 years ago in Families
True To Yourself
You ever sit all by yourself, a million thoughts running through your mind. Realizing now how all of there actions, there words said it all but you still remained blind. Those actions simply tell a story about who somebody really is. Its the story about colors, and the type of person from within. You ever see a face for the first time, and just know that your love for them is pure. You see that tiny face those little hands and you just want to hold them near. You want to teach them how to be the best that they can be. All you can do is teach them right from wrong, teach them morals, and let them choose who they want to be. You ever have that one friend, you could tell your darkest secret, crush, or fear. Your bond with them is so amazing that no matter how far they are you hold them dear. This one in particular is called a sisterly bond. Its when your sister is your best friend, from the beginning until the end it will always remain fond. These different relationships write a book about each person. Its a story about how people relate to you, how you make them feel and your expression. These are peoples colors, though they differ from everyone. As long as you stay true to yourself than you never have to worry about anyone. As long as your conscience is clear and you have no regret, than you wont care what anybody else thinks, you will love yourself and there opinion you forget. Just remember if they have no reason to negatively judge you, that person is just jealous and wishes that they was you! Stay true to your colors always love yourself. Not for other people... but do it for yourself.
By Amanda Mosteller5 years ago in Poets
Aura
You ever meet some one, and right away felt nervous. You don't know why either, just something on the surface. Or how about you ever met somebody, that made you feel really comfortable. Like you could tell that person anything, leaving you the one that is vulnerable. Its called a persons Aura, its a type of energy. Its the way you make people feel when they are around you, Its peoples first memories. I personally like to call it a persons true colors. Its the feelings that someone makes you feel, That's how you can distinguish a friend from a lover. You know how they say don't judge a book by its cover. Well don't, judge by there energy. That's a persons true colors, that's who they are really tend to be.
By Amanda Mosteller5 years ago in Poets
