The Art of Letting Go

The art of letting go, isn't hard to master

Yet, I have never seen any of its Master.

24 hours awake. Smoking 31st cigarette since I last woke up. 12 hours of continuous work. At this point, I am half dead and half alive. But, a message gave me energy to write it all. I have stopped opening up your chats, as I have archived them. But as usual, I remember you in different ways before I go to sleep. Sometimes, I listen to Parveen Shakir. Other times, I make up scenarios. I had no hope of getting an update from you. But, this time came a link. I am not writing this to convince you of anything. Just to tell you, some phases of life, love, lust, and other things.

Life is a spectrum. It is continuous. Some say, it is ephemeral. But, I like to differ. This spectrum is overshadowed by love. It defines us. Who we love or what we love. We carry its burden on our shoulders. It is a very melancholic feeling if one is deprived of love. But, that is just a start of it. Life bestows us in many different ways. Losing somebody is followed by having somebody. There is no parameter to measure its magnitude. Nor, its purity can be found. It is a very mysterious scale that helps us find nothing.

I lost somebody I loved to somebody else. The same thing happened again when I loved for second time. I admit I never loved at all. I never knew how to love. But, the mere sadness of not being able to see the women I believe is the love of my life is so heartbreaking that I have wrecked myself to a point one can wreck him. I have tried a million arms but they could not give me rest. A thousand lips could not satiate me. Lust could not overcome my impure love. Even when I go to the people who love no-one compensates for her.

I have rejected the billions of arms for they don't carry her soul. I will never love myself for I will never love again. Yes, I will have progeny sharing with somebody. Somebody will satiate my lust. None will cause peace to my soul. I will move on but it will take a life. I will be spying on her all of her life. Staying jealous of things she will have with somebody else. Cursing the night, the mornings. I will move on but it will take a life. Without you, I will keep on wrecking myself until you ask me k khud ko sanbhal lo.

I have loved you,

For a thousand years

Since, I last saw you.

tujh ko kia ilm k tjhy haarny waly kuch log

kis qadar sakht nadamat sy tjhy dykhty hn

May be, there is a universe in out there, in which I were your First Love.