From Emptiness to Enlightenment My Journey with the Quran

From Emptiness to Enlightenment: My Journey with the Quran

BY:Khan

Since childhood, I was neither exceptionally capable nor utterly incapable—just an average boy. Like every human, I passed through the brief phase of ignorance, but when reason began to settle in, I realized that inside me lay a mountain-sized void. A void that neither I could fill nor anyone else could help with. By the time I reached middle school, I had understood that my childhood was slowly coming to an end.

Earlier, I could assert my opinions from my chair, and people would listen. But now, no one had time for me. In college, on the surface, I had many friends. I laughed and joked with them, yet deep inside, I felt an emptiness spreading gradually, turning into a pervasive sense of despair. I found a strange comfort in things that others considered useless, despite having thousands of other possessions.

As evenings fell, a peculiar melancholy would take over me. I had been praying regularly since childhood, and my religious environment was moderate, neither extreme nor indifferent. But the more the emptiness inside me expanded, the more I became invisible in every setting—whether during a college stage play or casual chatter among relatives. I began to feel a strong yearning for a true friend—a friend so dear that I could share every thought with him, someone who would listen, understand, and guide me rightly. And if this friend ever needed me, I would never step back. But in today’s world, finding such a friend seemed nearly impossible.

Sometimes, I would drive late at night on empty streets with earphones in or walk alone. I found some temporary peace, but it faded as soon as I returned home. Observing fashionable people who spent excessively on themselves, I felt inadequate for not doing the same. The next day, I tried to imitate them—exploring shopping malls, experimenting with hairstyles, changing my appearance. For a few days, people stared in disbelief, amazed at my transformation. But this too lasted only weeks before I gave it up. Following trends required a heart I did not have, my heart was filled with emptiness.

Even on social media, occasional likes gave temporary happiness. Yet, I remembered a time when even thousands of likes could not fill the void. I realized that humans are rarely satisfied with abundance or scarcity. Sometimes, I wanted to cry, to hug someone and let my tears flow freely. But remembering that men are supposed to be strong, I restrained myself. Yet, watching emotional scenes in films, I would end up crying over my own hidden sorrows. Initially, movies and dramas distracted me, but eventually, I could anticipate entire stories from the first scenes.

Over time, I became irritable. Anger would erupt, often misdirected at innocent people. I hated manipulative actions, especially from those who used me for their advantage. Conversations with elders made me feel trapped in silence. Their constant reminder of “youths nowadays living easy lives” left me tongue-tied, imprisoned in darkness behind my teeth and lips. Everything became boring.

Then a friend gave me a novel, insisting it was worthwhile. Initially, it lay untouched on the shelf for weeks. Later, out of boredom, I opened it. The novel described the Quran with such beauty that I remained captivated for weeks. This opened a new world for me. Over the next year, I immersed myself in Urdu and English literature, virtually traveling the world from my home. I learned the subtleties of communication. Yet, again, boredom struck—reading new books, I could foresee their content from the first page.

One day, my eyes fell upon a unique book on the top shelf—a translation of the Quran. Hesitatingly, I touched it, feeling both intrigue and an inexplicable fear. For days, I kept noticing it in the library, imagining that it was somehow watching me. I desired to read it, yet a strange unease held me back. Seeking advice, I consulted friends. Some warned against reading without a teacher; others simply questioned me. Frustrated, I persisted. Finally, I held the Quran in my hands, determined to understand it for myself.

As I read, I first absorbed the stories of the prophets and their experiences. But then, curiosity arose to understand the Quran’s guidance in life. This curiosity began filling half the void in my heart. One day, my uncle, a pious and knowledgeable man, guided me toward a reliable tafseer (exegesis) and recommended lectures to help me understand it properly.

Using these lectures, I began understanding the Quran deeply. Without realizing, my world changed. The emptiness in my heart vanished, simplicity became appealing, and I began liking everyone around me. I found that friend I had always longed for—not in a person, but through my connection with the Quran. It understood me, guided me, and filled every void in my heart.

Through this journey, I emerged from the madness of youth into clarity and calmness. My advice to all young people is this: read the Quran with understanding. Let it guide your life. It will fill your heart’s emptiness and grant you true peace and contentment.