Anti social

Growing up i have always been pulled by the primary teacher to be more sociable. Saying that i should engage more and make friends. I always found that annoying to hear every grade , as if it was something obligatory. I loved being alone so what was wrong with it?

Perhaps that is why i never grew up to be sociable , so i always found myself excluded from other people's conversations.

At school..

At work..

At events..

Every place i went to , i found myself being alone.

So sometimes i would force myself to go up to people and talk to them. But whenever i did that i felt exhausted. Having to repeat the same words over and over again..

''Nice weather.''

''What do you like to do for fun.''

''Did you study for the exam?''

i kept failing for some reason to make friends, so i had to repeat those words over and over again. Eventually i got sick of trying.

I always preffered being alone anywas.

However , sometimes i would have liked to have a friend. Even though those feelings do not happen often.

But then i found myself never getting approached first. And if i did approach them, i never got approached again.

Is it true that a non sociable person will always be a non sociable even after they try to come out of that bubble space?

i remember i always used to wonder what kept people away from me.

i didn't have a problem though, i loved being alone. In my own world, not having to fake smiling or make boring small talks. Sometimes i crave for a stranger to have deep talks with , and then each one goes on their own path.

I loved being alone.

It was quiet and a warm feeling not everyone would understand.