A ship without a port

I’m a ship. I don’t have a route to arrive,a place to be or a goal to reach. It was like my existence didn’t had any meaning at all. I don’t have a captain to guide me.I only had seagulls flying above me. They would come and check me out time to time. To see if i was still floating on the beautiful ocean or i was just a shipwreck. I was just drifting in endless waters. I was going wherever the waves or the wing takes me and i’m okay with this i have accespted my fate long time ago. I don’t know is it normal to think all of that as a ship. Shouldn’t i just be enjoying the shiny water or the magnificent sea creatures. The best thing about being a ship is the nights in ocean. It’s because the water looks like it’s completely black, the waves slow down and the stars that are above all of us they shine more bright than the other parts of the day. At some lonely nights i tell the stars my story like how i used to be a young,clean and resistant however it’s not like what it’s uses to be right now. I’m old,rusty,and unfulfilled. Like i could have too much things right now i could have a life full of achievements but i don’t have any of them i had so much time and i wasted it all. i said to myself i would do it later not thinking is there a a a later? The stars listen patiently they don’t say much(they don’t say anything at all) but it’s okay it’s good to know that you have a crowded audience that is stuck to lisen to you. They don’t have any other options mabe they have never paid attention to anything i have ever said or done. That’s sad and comforting at the same time. don’t worry i’ll explain what i. mean. It’s sad because i wasn’t talking to myself this whole time i was talking to them thinking that they were listening. And it’s comforting because they don’t care about anything i have ever said or done. Sometimes you have to be alone in your life. To find yourself, to be in peace on your own, and most importantly to learn how to be happy all alone. When you lose everything around you everyone that you cared about and you just have yourself no one can hurt you except yourself. I think i’m an emotional ship, a ship that talks to itself. I don’t know what i look like at all. Do i have a nice rudder? or Do i have big sails? or am i just a little wood and iron pile that has been floating around for years. I don’t know i have too many questions and ideas about everything.However i seem to can’t find any answers to them. Where is my seahulls? i haven’t seen them in a while. Mabe they are migrating. or Mabe they are very busy finding food for their babies. Or they just don’t care as much as i do. If i had a home, a place i can land my anchor. what would it be maybe it would be a tiny island or maybe it would be cozy bay. Even though i cannot have a home it’s nice to dream about it. I have lost my map and my compass long time ago since then i feel lost. I don’t known for how long i’ve ben floating but it seems like enough time understand life or my existence everything actually. And now it’s my time to retire. it’s my time to give up everything and also gain everything…