Will I Stand Out in a Room Full of People

I went to the newest coffee shop opening in town by myself. At first, I merely wanted to try their coffee because my first and last sip from them was months ago and it was out of town. I was absolutely delighted knowing they opened one close my location.

As predicted, it was packed with people. The excitement of a new location will always strike different, doesn’t it? The house is pleasant and clean. I spent my first visit for approximately three hours sitting there and doing my thing.

My right and left were folks chatting to their mate. One arrived with a group of their pals, one with their family, and some others with their partner. I scarcely saw someone arriving alone — maybe it was just me.

I looked blankly at the ceiling and my ears went buzzing out of nowhere. The space wasn’t that huge and it was packed with people. I began to wonder when someone walked in and randomly glanced inside, where would they place their sights on? Me sitting in the far corner could be a bit inconspicuous, but maybe I’d be still noticeable.

However, it isn’t about a busy coffee shop. It is a metaphor that I believe matched what I had in mind. I got to this concept and continuing thinking about in other busy areas, would I be noticed enough for someone to put their eyes on?

Given who I am and what I have, it could seem hard to gain attention by just being myself as I am. I felt oddly alone. I’m not someone who can grab attention or bring others to me readily.

Instead, I have always felt more comfortable in the background, watching from the sidelines rather than be the focus of attention. I can’t escape the idea that I’m doomed to stay on the outside looking in.

The truth struck me like a tsunami smashing the rocks; I had never been the first option to someone sought for in a crowded place. In a room full of people, nobody would notice me since I had never been an option.

And knowing that made something within me hurt a bit because for me, it was not only about being seen at that moment. It was about feeling recognized and respected in a society where interactions appeared to come naturally to everyone except me.

It is not that I desire attention or recognition as I have never been one to seek out the limelight. There is something about the prospect of going utterly undetected, of fading into the background so thoroughly that I may as well not exist, that fills me with a feeling of dread.

I observe while folks around me laugh and enjoy their own world without a second thought. And yet, I worry whether I will ever be a part of it, if I will ever find my place while the world appears to be marching on without me.

The loneliness creeps as it yells into my face that I am nothing but a wretched lonely loser. It is hard not to feel like I’m somehow missing, that I will never be enough to attract anyone’s attention.

As much as I attempted to brush that notion away, it stays in the back of my mind and following me wherever I am going. It is refusing to be ignored.

Maybe I am just another face in the throng

Maybe I will never be the one that attracts others to me easily.

Maybe I will always be the one who slips behind, unnoticed and unseen.

Maybe I am one of those persons that slips into the background so perfectly that no one really recognizes that I am there.

And I find myself — again and again — asking the same questions that have never been answered. Would anybody even notice if I were to disappear? Would anybody miss my quiet presence? Or would I just slip into the background, forgotten and overlooked?

In a room packed of people, would anybody notice me? Would anybody look beyond the facade and see the lonely soul buried within? Or am I condemned to stay invisible, endlessly wishing for a link that may never come?