What You Need To Know

Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones Deck prompts — You need to know this. “Tell me. What? Go, ten minutes

There are millions of things that a person needs to know. Will someone tell you? Why? Or why not? Throughout my chosen work life, I have learned many valuable lessons over the years. Most of it has to do with the population I worked with.

I was conducting training for a group that works at a Native American treatment center last week. That training has happened over the years there. And they have experience working with Native American program participants. We tried to cover what was helpful. Or what may have been helpful.

I told them that when working on a genogram, I want to know how someone died in their family. Why? Because if someone committed suicide, for example, that is an option for other family members. I work with them differently then.

There were just a few who worked with the genogram, but more could, and it would help them in their work. We spent more time talking about things that may be important in working with the Native American participant.

Due to historical trauma and boarding schools in particular, parents will often feel the need to place their children in foster care. Even when doing well in treatment, and expecting recovery to go well.

I start asking about supportive family members and talk about services I know about in the community for that parent to get some respite. It is especially important for that parent when their child is about the same age as they were when they experienced foster care.

I talked about addiction being a family disease (dis ease if they are more comfortable with that). The importance of having some family involvement in treatment. I worked at places that had a minimum of a monthly family day, evening, and a program with a family week. That was helpful.

There is so much denial involved in addiction that I believe it is important to also talk about what addiction looks like. For those working there who don’t claim to be addicted, I ask them to stop caffeine, nicotine, and sugar, or even one of those things, for a while.

I follow with how they will get an idea of what addiction feels like when giving that thing up. I talk about how it is important to be able to relate. To have empathy is helpful. Rather than feel sorry for, which isn’t helpful. That is the same with experiencing racism or prejudice.

Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones Deck prompts — Tell me what I need to know, go ahead: the way the green paint curled on the bathroom windowsill, the snow gathered in corners of the stoop, how mad I was at you, how I never liked the taste of anchovies, how when you smiled the corners of your mouth turned down, how I don’t believe in politics but still campaign, how I wanted to travel but only got as far as the Catskills. You can go on and on. All of our lives are worthy, all our moments. Share them on the page.

Growing up, storytelling was important. Lessons were contained in those stories, and it wasn’t the same lesson for everyone, but the exact lesson that was important to learn at the time. I didn’t know that not everyone grew up hearing these stories.

I was fortunate to have heard and to have remembered many of them. Then there was the experience of being the oldest of five children, then later a sixth was born, just two years prior to my giving birth.

My mother thought it would be a good idea for me to have another child up until I was 42. She would tell the story of the newswoman who had twins at age 42. No thanks. My baby weighed 10 pounds, 6 ounces. I was not having any more babies.

It was a good thing, too, as I have 5 more bonus children with my second and third husbands, and I raised one of them. Three children going through their teens at about the same time was enough.

When my third husband and I were dating and then living together, he had a daughter who was going through her teen years. Now that was too much for me, as I had just finished raising teens. So we waited until she was 18 and graduated from high school to marry.

Now it is a joy to have her visit with three of her children. Teens are tough, and even the ones you expect not to have any trouble with may surprise you. It is their job to break away from you, and your job to prepare them for the real world. My children were ready to leave by the time they graduated.

And better yet, I was ready to let them go.

Politics is my final thought for this prompt. I worked for the tribe and learned about tribal politics, then I worked for the State and learned about State politics. Not so different. When I retired, I did not wish to be involved in politics. Most have no idea how politics work.

I understand the mistrust. I understand where the ugly comments come from, but I don’t agree with anti-government thinking. Going back to the Old West is not the solution, nor is starting World War 3 the solution. It is a scary time right now. I hear young people wanting to carry handguns.