Trimming My Story: The f*ck is Up ahead

You might be wondering what trimming my story and the significance of ‘the fuck is Up ahead’ have to do with one another. And what is the fuck? Why is it up ahead? Are people moving towards the fuck, seeing as how it is up ahead? Let me explain the context of this and detail what it all means, including the strange capitalization which no, is not an error.

So, I had written a manuscript a while back, did a couple rounds of edits, and then had moved on to other projects. I had sent it along to one place that requested to read it but nothing came of that. Recently, I decided I wanted to get back to it and send it out again, looking to see if I could get representation by an agent. But I felt I should probably do one more round of edits, the story was a little bit over the word count I preferred. I wanted to get it under 100,000 words and it was something like 100,600. Not terribly difficult to remove less than 1% of it, and I also figured I would start doing some editing and there would be parts I’d want to remove anyway. And there were. It was good that I decided to do another round of editing, some sentences were clunky, I had many short sentences that would be much better when combined together, and I even needed to add in some more detail.

This story, though it is a novel, is made up of 12 short stories. All 12 short stories work together and make an entire story. So, I was going through and editing each story one by one, and because it can be difficult to get the full word count of some long work like this (Yes, Word gives me a word count but it includes the words from each story/chapter and other parts that aren’t the actual word count so it is inaccurate) I decided on this strategy. I was taking every word I removed, cutting it out, pasting it into a character counter online, and obtaining the amount of words I removed that way. I also factored in the words I added, but eventually subtracted the total number of words I removed from the original word total, and voila, I had my new word count.

I was also doing this because it was kind of fun, I was seeing all the words I was removing. Not just losing them forever. And I started to notice some patterns. And I didn’t intend for this, but it kind of became helpful. So, for a little extra context, sometimes I removed one word from a sentence and it was better. I’d paste that word into the character counter site. Sometimes it was a few words and I’d paste them all in together right after the other existing words. Sometimes it was closer to a full sentence, or most of a sentence, because I reworked the sentence altogether. But I essentially took all the words that I removed and pasted them together into one place, and it kind of made a little story. An incoherent story that sounds like your toddler got into the whiskey again. It made me laugh at first, reading through it, acting like it was a real story. But then I noticed something else… here is an example of one of the stories, all the words I removed from it in my final edit.

They ducked lower from behind the sculpture leading up to the water via the waters Boats engine roared. She she higher, pointing it Chad shouted. there’s nothing for you to drive into up Her Sakura snapped. Chad said. he sped along the fuck is Up ahead, Blasts of water surrounded them and Sakura and Chad stared at each other in awe She open steady The buzzing and crackling had some physical force and began breaking the boat apart. They clung to pieces of the boat that broke free Chad same 10 feet The floor quaked. The water Chad and Sakura They me The cop groaned under the weight of the boulders He the cop’s boss that Well, we are underwater.” I feel like we dropped down a couple hundred feet about He the wall He whispered. As they fell, He none They picked up their pace Chad continued to lead the way. sloped for a bit then Chad snapped the path was at first… the This creature was chained to the wall. Foreboding. It looked but They headed Red sand floated. trembled. Her Everything rumbled he couldn’t hear himself right to and her She He felt The cave

Like a drunk toddler reciting an episode of Game of Thrones, right? And oh, the fuck is up ahead! That part makes me cackle. But after I laughed at the ridiculous “story” I noticed patterns. I sure use “He” a lot. Or “she” or “they” and thank goodness I saw them this time around. It was great that I had let the story sit for a while and came back to it later, I could see all its flaws. I could see how so many of my sentences were constructed so similarly, one after another, creating an annoying repetition. Repetition can be good and fun to read when done right, I wasn’t doing it right in many cases. And I noticed how many times I could have had an entire thought and I would have broken it down into two or three sentences. So many short sentences. That was why I removed so many “he’s” and “she’s” because it didn’t need to be written like He did this. He did that. He did this. And I could instead write it as He did this and that and this and yes, now it sounds like the lyrics to a Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg song. Much better. Here’s an example of another story from the manuscript in which I did the same thing.

at himself He ever so more This is not a good then perhaps A cave was just in time kept The and shook The cave rumbled on He was The plane was The glass wall careful not to get too close decided he’d touch the crystals for an instant to see if anything happened. If they were safe, he could break some of them off. He But he was hopeful a few But that was what happened! forgetting for a moment He of the plane He as he neared He closer to his grasp He started He the plane He and Amari’s inch by inch He He you and readied herself to charge She continued… and something grabbed at his leg felt fire dancing underneath this He would His were they Her arm was exposed at it. He and his gun He Fragments lived in his skin He clean They It reached the door, and They kept their distance plane rolled. Higher... Cracks in the windows. Spiderwebs. Amari pushed the plane faster. heading back the way they came in once again. This time, more But even the air shook. The plane shook. The rumbling was causing it It was gaseous, but with a milky texture. As the matter swirled around the edges of the opening… the opening shrunk. in half He chortled

Well, at least he chortled at the end. So many he’s! I began to notice how many of the same word I put in, and how often I end a sentence short and start a new one, constructing them all the same “adjective, noun, verb.” I needed to spice things up… and I did! It was so beneficial for me to go through my story once more, the one I thought was all done, and not only make these crucial edits and fix up the flow of my story, but visually see what my problems were. It became quite clear, and I also noticed another thing I do often. When writing action, I think I am trying to make things more suspenseful, accounting for the full amount of time that is taking place. So, I write in an extra sentence that just explains what is happening… is still happening. I believe my intent is to make the reader continue to cling on to the moment, but in rereading it, it doesn’t always work. Oftentimes it reads as repetitive. “Yeah, I know he is still running. What’s next?”

Here’s another story from the manuscript, same deal.

She said sarcastically. and to the car He of the ammunition Najad shouted back. The for the trees and then ran after Sofia sounded off. The ground was up and pelted them It They pushed through the forest. at him a as did pressed on like of They breathed violently through the forest Open for of them and shook tremendously Another earthquake hit And needed to reload He large and each six feet wide the room They Najad and Sofia chunks of rocks snapped off continued but Sofia screamed in disgust. then He and he right behind them hole broke through the thin wall of ice and then stood tall the things breathing. And the heavy breaths continued rock forcing him backwards. He right in and then exhaled. Hot breath swished past the two. He The two approached the opening She right More of this room inched towards to it Then down Barretto fired back chunks of rock and clean looking like gems it felt great deal had the upper hand. He It right right through And is not where they originated from And Najad groaned. crept into peripheral Sofia followed. They The beast as they neared him whispered. He He a little He

The end got a little giggly. He He a little He. Almost sounds like the chorus to a terribly popular song I wouldn’t care for very much. But in addition to my pronoun madness, another problem arose. I use words like “right” and “clear” too much. “He tore right through the wall.” Why not “He tore through the wall” and let the word “tore” the actual verb, be the star of the sentence. Maybe even italicize it if I want it to stand out. As opposed to “tearing right through” the word “right” doesn’t even really mean anything or add anything. It’s just a way we speak. I tend to do that a lot. “He shot his gun and blasted the piece clear off.” We don’t need “clear” here. It doesn’t add anything. It’s like when people say “It is what it is.” That can apply to anything and it adds nothing. Before you said that, and after you said that, I knew the exact same amount of information in my life. That did nothing except take up two seconds of both our lives and now we will never get it back and I will be upset with you over that.

Anyway, it was a fun little exercise that I didn’t expect to teach me anything, but it surely did. It taught me about the flaws in my writing, things to try to avoid, but at the same time, things I don’t necessarily need to avoid so long as I catch them later. Sometimes I get in the flow of the story and I just want to let it keep coming out how it is. Later I can go back and edit it, clean it up, fix up the problems. And I see the advantage in letting a story sit for a while so I am not so totally in love with it, and then reading through and editing. It is much easier to remove portions of a story when I didn’t finish creating it only moments ago.

In the end, I removed around 1,600 words from the entire story. Got it to 99,000 words. Mission accomplished. Time to send that sucker out.