Things Your Book Character does that Pisses your Readers off

As writer, we all fall into certain holes we can't seem to climb out from when it comes to our characters. Phrases we use as crutches because we can't come up with anything else, tropes that we sort of just fall into by habit to keep the story moving. Sometimes this is fine, there are reasons why some tropes are popular. People love to read about them and writers relish to exist in their creation.

Other times though, they way we frame our characters is more annoying than an enjoyable read. Not being natural enough so the readers can see the skeletons of the framework the story is built around, being too inspired by other writers so that the books exist in an echo chamber and just repeating the same thing over and over again.

I was wondering what readers hated to read and did a deep dive online. Here are some of the most annoying things about your characters that drives readers nuts.

1. Talk to themselves out loud

I am constantly talking to myself, so does many others. But no one is talking to themselves out loud as much as fictional characters.

This one is a bit strange, but I think it has been adapted from movies. Surely, a simple sentence as exposition would be more natural than characters narrating what they are about to do, how they feel and giving random remarks about the world they move through.

This is also adjacent to the habit of characters reminding each other about things constantly, especially the words of a dead parents encouraging words.

"Remember what dad always used to say... before dying in a horrible car crash that left us orphaned, although we have always stayed hard working and optimistic!"

2. Being bilingual... but in a strange manner

Another adjacent pet peeve of talking to yourself is being a strange bilingual person where the conversation just seems... odd. Like when the character is talking in their native language before translating it for the others. Sometimes even forgetting they are talking in a foreign language. Seldom is this an actual conversation a bilingual would have.

It's also annoying and unlikely when the bilingual characters are only saying things like Hola, Ciao or Merci in their own language, like this isn't the first thing they learnt in English. Because let's be real, this is mainly a problem for English speaking writers that only knows one language.

With so much fun languages are, and how you can play with words and the funny things that happens when bilingual people start to remix the language, we can all do better than this.

3. Smiles in weird ways

What is is about characters smiling that just seems... unnatural. Instead of settling for a simple: she smiled, the writer is twisting the lips, mouth and the rest of the face of the character to make more a grimace than an actual smile.

Lips curling of tilting up, especially the corners of the mouth is bending in ways that makes your readers imagining the wildest thing. Characters also always seem to be smirking, or having a crooked smile.

Also there are too many female characters who "had a smile who lit up the room" .

4. He growled or roared

I don't think this more explanation. This is my personal book-ick. Unless your character is a shape-shifting dragon or werewolf, is he really growling? And should he really be doing so every other sentence?

5. Look at others weirdly

Not only is characters smiling in weird manners or talking strangely, they are also looking at each other in unnerving ways that sometimes can be annoying to read through.

Classic examples are when "his eyes darkened," I personally feel is the absolute worst as well as being one I have used far too much myself.

"Her eyes twinkled" or "fluttered" like the eyelashes is caught by the wind is also annoying to read about. Characters often have these undefinable "intelligent eyes" and keep "narrowing their eyes" far too much than they do in the real world.

6. Not having body autonomy

Most often these examples is meant to describe a state of disassociation, something I personally find an exiting thing to explore, but surely, we can all do better than the dreaded: "I released a breath I didn't realise I'd been holding in"

This is far from the only examples of characters too often loosing control of their own body and actions.

"I tasted salty tears running down my face and suddenly realized they were my own."

Who's tears would it be? How you crying more shocking than sneaky rain or someone else crying on you? And why must it always be a single tear?

There are also too many characters out there screaming for ages before realizing the sound came from them. There are several stories about incidents from real life where this did in fact happen, like after a traumatic car accident or giving birth. But statistically, this happen to fictional characters way more often than the real ones.

The limbs of our beloved, but dissociating characters however, seem to be moving by themselves, the legs knowing where to go, the hands reaching for stuff instinctively.

Other dissociating things characters do way too often is not notice time passing.

7. Having almond eyes

Certainly a wonderful eyeshape, but how come so many love interests, shy protagonists and fierce femme fatales have it?

It's not only the preferred eyeshape for the characters everyone is pining for. It is also often a not so discreet way of telling a person is Asian, especially in fantasy were the concept of continental people like Asians doesn't really exist, but are still visually present.

As a little sidenote: Boiling down to shapes, are not all human eyes somewhat almond shaped anyway? So although a phrase used for a certain type of eyes, is not saying much without the context, and with the context, much to overused. Time to use other nuts to describe eyes!

8. Siblings calling each other sis or bro

As an attempt to show not tell a family relation, many well meaning writers fall into this trap and use this stilted language that doesn't seem natural at all.

"Hi, Sis, what's up?"

"Nothing bro, just thinking..."

"Remember what dad always said before he tragically died in a car crash three years ago."

"Always chase your dream."

"Got that right, sis!"

Not saying that it doesn't exist families where siblings call each other this, but certainly not to the extent in book-land.

Adjacent to this is lovers calling each other by their full name, including middle name. Yes, they know each deeply, even knowing their middle name and all.

9. Being boobilicious

Female characters have breasts, but why are we hearing about them every sentence? Examples where the framing is: "Folding her hands under her breasts" instead of "crossing her arms", for instance.

There are so many that have delved into the misogyny behind this focus and there are plenty of examples of "male writers writing females," that doesn't seem to have ever seen a woman before.

10. Biting their lips way to often

Most people can relate to when you bite your lips as a habit. But all the time? Besides the biting of lips have often been connected with certain scenarios were the characters are either thinking hard, or just standing naivly in front of their love interest, who finds this extremely attractive. I don't know if this was a thing before Fifty Shades of Gray, but it certainly became an epidemic in the book-romance-world after.

Other gestures that have become crutches to explain a feeling more than the movement is "pinching the bridge of the nose" when being annoyed. The characters furrow/knits/raise/twists their brows as well way too much. When they are suspicious they "narrow their eyes" or "widening them" when surprised.

11. The characters earn little, but living large

How many of the female characters are secretly sugar babies that are information the reader never gets? How does all of the baristas, nannies and students live in one big apartment in expensive cities and spend too much time doing side plots for days without the manager not giving them a warning?

It's like the Carrie Bradshaw og K-drama effect on TV of poor people wearing luxury clothes and owning the lates phone. Aspirational writers doing wishful thinking? Rich writers forgetting what things costs? In any case, it is just lazy world building.

12. Sounding like a Wikipedia article

"Did you hear about what happened yesterday?"

"No."

"Well, at five o'clock, five masked men entered a bank. The police had previous knowledge of their identity and previous crimes. They held people hostages for hours, which was a terrible ordeal for the employees who are still recovering. The thieves left with many millions of money."

Sometimes well meaning writers try to give exposition in intriguing ways, having the show, don't tell rule deeply ingrained. Sometimes, a classic exposition is to prefer than when two or more characters are having a conversation about it instead. That in itself is not wrong if the flow is good, conversational or glides into the story. Too many however just information dumps under the guise of it "being spoken therefore alive."

Final Thoughts

A reason why we ask other people to read our work before showing it is because we want to catch these pit holes and pick up on the unnatural things existing in the world we have created. When creating the story, your brain works in different ways than when you simply reads. So put on your reading glasses and see the characters as when you read any other book. Would the character with the crooked smile, saying "Hola, how are you?" fly then?

What do you find most annoying about book characters?