The Long-Distance Whisper!

I woke up when I heard a tune that was familiar, something ringing near me, was it my mobile phone, it wasn’t. It was a whisper from far away, from someone who was missing, who was waiting, who was suffering, and who was expecting.

I took the phone and heard them crying, the worst thing that can go into my ears arousing every nerve in my brain. I woke up as if I have never known the slumbers, unaware of what to say and how to respond.

I told my lips to move and talk,

I told my throat to create a voice,

I told my heart to slow down and understand,

I told my mind to stop and think,

I told my thoughts to imagine something,

I told my eyes to see in the darkness,

I told my ears to hear the wail,

I told my hands to hold the pain,

I told myself that you have done it again!

In an undertone, I said; What happened my love? A moment of silence for a long except for the sobbing. I repeated again the same words, now with some more energy to get a response. I didn’t, but more tears.

And then I asked them, you can’t sleep my love, right? Yes was the response. I knew that there was something I was not knowing but I should have understood. I was it and I was guilty of it.

I asked if should I read something to help you sleep. I read what I knew, holding my heart deeper with a prayer to make my words a relief for them to sleep. I was not sure it would be accepted but it was, and they slept and I too went to bed.

I woke up again, in the morning thinking about what has happened last night.

.

Questions trembling my mind splitting me into two debating each other.

What have you done again? How can you say that this is the least you can expect from yourself if you let it happen again and again under your eyes, nose, and everything? Are you lying to yourself?

Stop! I answered to myself, I am not lying, I can never lie to them. I was unaware, trust me I was unaware.

Oh no, you were not, or if you were, is that your explanation? Do you have or want to be unaware of what was happening behind? Answer me, were you too busy with life that you were unaware? Why?

No no never, I can’t be that busy. I accept that I was unaware but that is not an explanation. That is what I have done, not among the things that I have been doing but I have done it. Should I say sorry?

Wait wait wait, what is that for? And what do you think is that enough or a forfeit? Are you out of your mind? SORRY, what will that do? Is that something that heals, how do you feel it when it is said to you?

I never said that it is enough, nothing can be enough not a thousand times can be enough. Nothing can heal nothing more than my love for them. Tell them to trust me, please, maybe they will listen to you.

I can’t, should I say that you were unaware or should I say you are sorry for it? Tell me what should I tell them?

I don’t find words, no that is not the right thing to say. There are no words now that matter when my actions were against what I have said.

Hoof, then what are you going to do now, what will you get after regretting all this, you know it is nothing.

Don’t say that, I can’t figure out things, can you stop and let me think, please?

.

Afraid of all this, I started to take my Tasbeeh and call the holy names, one by one, everyone I remember, asked them to help me, and nothing returned. What should be returned when there is nothing else to accept and love them again and make sure that it should not be repeated? But then again, it has happened with a consequence that can’t be undone.

I told myself to have faith and trust my love, that is what you have, the only thing to do.