The Day Fate Slipped Through My Hands

It was a hot yet breezy summer day in Manila. I was at the place where I met the love of my life. Cassandra Dimabilang. That was her name. She was an accountancy student that time and I was a fresh graduate, working a free-lance job. Before the lady and I met, I happened to stumble upon my old friends from high school. We had our conversation with each other for a few minutes. After we parted ways, I crossed paths with her, rushing towards me. The young delicate lady has medium length hair, with a lavender scent that follows her everywhere. She stopped and stood at the bus stop where I also am, eagerly waiting for the transport to arrive. I assumed that she would be late again because of her sweat running down from her head. As I was staring at her, she had dropped a piece of paper from her pocket so I picked it up. When I was about to hand it to the lady, she hastily hopped on the bus. I wasn’t able to give it to her until the next day.

It was on a Friday when I tried again to meet up with her. No doubt, it is the same time and place the last time I met her. The only difference is that she was already there, looked weary and stressed out. Maybe it was their exams week? I thought to myself briefly. I rushed to her, holding what she had dropped from last time. As I was heading towards her, she ran directly to the traffic. I ran quickly and shouted. It was too late. The bus already hit her, throwing her away like a ball that has been kicked soaring through the sky. I was in shock and knelt down. I was still holding the folded piece of paper she had dropped.

Why? I thought to myself. Why did this happen? What just happened? I cried soundful as the people gathered around her cold, butchered body on the road. Sirens were heard, I am still kneeling. I gathered myself and opened the paper she had left. It was a suicide note.

To whoever that would read this letter: My name is Cassandra Dimabilang. I am a 22-year-old accountancy student. My parents just died early this morning from a car accident back in the province and I have no other family members to support me. I don’t know how I will continue in this world. Maybe I wasn’t meant to live in this world. Maybe I am useless. I am already failing college and I cannot even support myself at this moment. My friends abandoned me because they saw me as a worthless being. I don’t want to lose hope and follow my dreams as a successful business woman but I don’t know if I can do it anymore. If you are reading this, I have died already. I am sorry if I am a failure and I am sorry for taking your time to read this. Until we meet again.

- Cassandra Dimabilang

Water droplets streamed over my eyes. It was like I was struck by lightning whilst reading the letter. I froze for quite a while before someone asked me to stand up. All these years, I still have the sheer weight she had left me as I was helpless. If only I was early for a few minutes, she wouldn’t die that way. We never got that chance to talk with each other nor had a life to begin with. I loved her but then she wasn’t able to love me back. I was the only one who will remember her. I am the one who has loved her and will love her until the day I can finally see her again, her life is with me. She continues to exist in this world as long as I live. And that day, it seemed like fate slipped through my hands.