Sodaquiest : Sporadic choices

Sporadic choices

This is my first entry in this blog. I haven't really figured out what this is yet. I don't plan on anyone seeing this, but my journal isn't something I can use to write these thoughts down because of how bad my handwriting is, so I’ll be uploading here.

I want to start my first entry talking about sporadic choices, which I would define as choices/decisions made without reasoning or purpose behind them in the common sense. These choices and decisions revolve heavily around excitement. Typically, someone feels a certain numbness to their life, and so they make these sporadic choices — which are most of the time impactful decisions — in order to add some excitement to a life they perceive to be boring or one they’ve become numb to.

The reason why I want to talk about this is because, first of all, I don’t see anyone talk about this, or maybe they have but label it as something else. In a sense, I created this term — not in a chronological way, but in the way that I am the first to create it in my world.

As I was saying before, I feel like sporadic choices are some of the most common things we do that aren’t talked about (sort of like jacking off, even though I feel like that’s more commonly talked about than this). To really illustrate what a sporadic choice is, I want to use an example from my life.

I have a friend — a really good friend — that I decided to start a project with. However, things haven’t gone as I expected or wished. So, like a month ago, I said I would cut him off and end our friendship, along with some other vulgar things. Of course, now I see those messages and question, “What the fuck was I thinking?” When I recount that interaction and try to remember my thought process in that moment, when I said those things, I was almost in a movie.

Which brings me to my point about sporadic decisions. While the decisions I am talking about almost sound like impulsive decisions, this couldn’t be more similar yet further apart. You see, with an impulsive decision, it has to do with pressure — that pressure of having to do something with little to no time. But a sporadic decision is a decision you make in order to imagine yourself in a different life.

When I was having that fight with my friend, it wasn’t about what I believed in. It was about being able to see myself in a life where I am in charge. Which is why I felt like I was in a movie scene.

So in a few short words: a sporadic choice is a choice we make to feel like we are in a different life that isn’t ours. Because we will always feel like we haven’t done enough or aren’t enough. Which is why these sporadic choices are the choices we make to feel like we are in the life we want, even if we know one singular choice can’t make that happen.

Again, I apologize to any readers. This is my first entry, written at 1 a.m., and I am quite tired. But like most of us, some of the best thoughts we have are late at night. And I am gonna say this because it is quite clear: yes, this is something I made up on the spot. Although I had some thoughts about it, this is my first time clearing it up in my own words.