Saying No, Attraction To Another Race, and Vacation Versus Working Overtime

Gregory Stock, Ph.D. The Book of Questions prompts — Do you find it so hard to say “no” that you regularly do favors that you do not want to do? If so, why?

Yes. I am retired, and I found myself telling my husband, I will not replace my tires until after my training next week. Will that work? That was after I got a nail in my tire and had previous plans to replace them in the fall before the nail.

He said, I thought you didn’t have a training this month. I replied, “I did too, but I was wrong.” It wasn’t me that said no this time, but I was told it wouldn’t be this time, and it is. Hope that makes sense.

Sometimes it is just that confusing. I made a promise to myself that in retirement, I would not say yes the first time to requests, but rather that it would take three times. Now, it is that payment matters as it is easier to get a replacement with a decent salary or payment.

Before that reality, the pay didn’t matter. As I was working for what I got from it, not for the money but rather in feel good for doing a good job and helping others.

Why do I not say no? I know it means extra little things I can have that without the extra income, we may not be able to afford. My fundraisers, my gifts for poetry winners in February. Printing my writing for books/booklets for fundraisers, I donate to each year.

Gregory Stock, Ph.D. The Book of Questions prompts — If you began to be very attracted to someone of another race, how would your behavior differ from what it would be toward someone of your own race?

I have been married three times now, and I am Native American

Once to a man who had Canadian indigenous ancestry and

passed for white/caucasian.

The second husband grew up in another country, giving us a

common experience. As a youth, and still, I feel like that is my day.

Number three grew up on a reservation in Minnesota. I relate

to the experience of living in two worlds as he did, on our first date.

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There were very few American Indian students in the schools I attended, as we lived off the reservation but close to three of the larger reservations. So we saw Native American people regularly in our home and while visiting, but not many worked in the stores we went to or in other businesses.

I didn’t grow up with races other than white, and there were even fewer Black, Hispanic, and Asian people than Native American people in my community. I feel like there would be commonalities and it wouldn’t make any difference to me than what my experience has been.

Well, I suspect we would probably encounter more racism than we, as a White/Native couple, have encountered.

Gregory Stock, Ph.D. The Book of Questions prompts — Would you rather spend a month on vacation with your parents or put in overtime on your current job for four weeks without extra compensation?

My parents are deceased. I would love to take a month's vacation with them. I have been on short vacations with my children. The photo above was our last Christmas celebration. We went in January of 2024 on a birthday celebration for my 70th birthday.

They paid for everything, and we had a great time, and they would like to do it again. I would say they couldn’t afford to take a month vacation with me, and they wouldn’t want to, as they all have children and two have grandchildren.

If everyone could be there, that may be different, but then they all have important work they are doing and couldn’t get away for a month. They are 47, 50, and 52.

I would never choose work over family. And being in retirement, I don’t have to. We have grandchildren for much of the summer and enjoy this time very much! We see more of their parents this way, too!