Letters to Louie

It was late in the fall, he thought to himself as he laid there in the desert sands dreaming of home. Dreaming of what he left behind, enlisting was what his father would have wanted, four generations of Marines, serving their country with gratitude and resilience. It was Tuesday - mail day but usually there was no letter for him, once a month his mother would send him a letter but today was not the day. His friend Dillon was a few feet over messing with his gun, cleaning it and practicing his stance. "Dude you better get out of that sand, those fleas are going to eat you up." Although Louie heard him, he just waved him off not really caring about the fleas at this point. He missed home, he missed her, he couldn't close his eyes without seeing her smile and those hypnotic brown eyes that captured him the very day he met her. Struggling with the decision he had made to push her away, as he felt that at the time he was protecting her from the hurt and pain of the possibility he would not return. Just one letter, just one picture would brighten up his head space.

They met through a mutual friend, there was something familiar about her, as if he had always known her. She lit up the room the moment she walked through the door. It was at that moment he found himself asking, is this her? The one who would enter his dreams at night and take ahold of his hand and they would fly in the night sky, landing in this field of lavender. She took him to places he could only dream about. Their conversations were deep and he longed for them. He knew her, he knew her soul, her heart for they were his. She mirrored him in ways no one else could. It was difficult not knowing how she was doing, if she had found someone new, would all she ever be just a memory? Deep in his thoughts he didn't hear the mail call, he drifted back to the desert sands when Dillon kicked his boots. "Hey Man, it is mail call and they called your name."

What did he hear right? They called his name, oh no something must be wrong if he got a letter today, he jumped up to his feet and headed back to the barracks with Titan at his feet. Titan was a black German Shepherd that was assigned to Louie and Dillon a month after their arrival to Iraq.

Titan followed Louie everywhere, occasionally checking up on Dillon. Which Dillon didn't mind, because he wasn't really a fan of dogs. Dillon received a letter every week from someone back home. Louie received once a month from his mama and his brothers and sisters. They sent everything together one big envelope. Maybe it had been longer than he thought as he stood in line waiting to get his mail, Dillon was rattling on about something but today Louie was in his head, he was starting to feel the toll of the separation between him and her, the realization that he didn't tell her how he truly felt about her, how he treated her unkind and pushed her away. Projected all his shortcomings onto her and made her feel less than. The memory that doesn't escape him. It surprised him when he seen her standing near the phone booth as the bus pulled out. What did that mean exactly? He couldn't help but wonder. Then as he walked to the mail station the soldier handed him a small blue envelope that smelled shyly of coconut, he breathed it in and it reminded him of her soft brown hair flowing with wind. Nah it couldn't be he thought, Dillon was on his heels "whose it from?" He asked just as excited as Louie was, and Louie couldn't help but chuckle a little bit. "I don't know dude, there isn't a return address on it, but as he turned it around to open it there was a name and address he was not expecting to see. Cherilyn Maverick - against all odds - there it was the letter he wanted more than anything. He stopped dead in his tracks and Dillon about tripped over him, asking what is it buddy? "It's from her, he heard himself say, It's from her". Dillon stopped and stood next to him, hitting him on the shoulder, and quietly walked away. Giving Louie the space he needed to read the letter, he had butterflies as he gently opened up the envelope as to not disturb the address. He sat down on the ground and Titan laid loyally beside him with his head upon his left thigh. He took one more whiff of the envelope and tears began to swell in his eyes, he couldn't help but the think the worst, he was always prepared for the worst.

The Letter read like this, Hello There My Love, I know you said that I would be better off with out you, that your restless soul was not disciplined enough or knowledgeable enough to know a love like mine and although I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, I think it only fair that I get a say in this as well, I know my love runs deep and I am pretty intense but that is only who I am with you, I was chosen to love you from the very day we met we knew the depth of this love, it changed our worlds upside down. I gave you space, I excepted your view in all of this however I am not going to short change myself in not experiencing a love this rare and beautiful. I am writing to you to let you know it doesn't need to be reciprocated love but it does need to be said, "I Love You Louie" Love you Respectfully and Always Cherilyn.

As he read the words on that beautiful blue parchment paper, the tears fell. She loves him, despite all that he put her through she loves him. He wrote her back several times but never mailed them, so much self doubt. It didn't matter because every Tuesday for the remaining time of his tour, he received a letter from her. Beautiful letters, filled with love and encouragement. Even at times he would receive a small picture of her - pushing him through every moment he was there. Home was where his heart was and that was with her, his brown eyed beauty.