Leave No Bird Unstoned

I like to put barbeque sauce in soup broth.

Not every single soup, mind you. I prefer adding the tangy flavor to beef stews and hearty vegetable blends. Something about the sweet and smoky taste of barbeque sauce mixes immaculately with a savory liquid base. Even cheese soups are enriched with a dollop of America's finest condiment.

There is a childlike charm in discovering surprisingly fluid pairings. Experimenting with different combinations and connections can feel like a kid concocting potions made of orange juice, condensed milk, and baby powder. After all, that's why fandom crossovers, musical genre-hopping, and shipping culture exists.

In the case of language, my favorite hybrid creations are malaphors.

A malaphor is an expression that merges two or more different idioms or phrases. Whether accidentally or intentionally fused together, the pairing creates an unlikely coupling of clichés.

The marriage of these two idioms form the title of this article:

• Leave no stone unturned — try everything to achieve something
• Kill two birds with one stone — achieve two goals at once
• Leave no bird unstoned — achieve every goal at once
• Application: We have to finish our presentation today. We must leave no bird unstoned.

The best malaphors conjure combinations of phrases that are applicable to everyday writing and conversation. Like any great wordplay, malaphors subvert expectations, momentarily stunning and amusing the audience with creative wit and humor.

Brian Bilston wrote a cheeky on-the-nose collection of malaphors in his poem, "How To Avoid Mixing Your Malaphors". Shea Keating wrote a fantastic piece that seamlessly incorporates several clever malaphors into a compelling storyline. I used the "Leave no bird unstoned" malaphor in my Sabrina Carpenter series.

r/Malaphors is a welcoming hivemind for malaphor discovery and appreciation. I credit the community and its users for most of the malaphors referenced in this article.

Let's explore some of my favorite malaphors:

• Don't count your chickens before they hatch — avoid being too confident in something before you know if it will happen
• Bury the hatchet — to end a disagreement
• Don't bury your hatchets before they hatch — do not end a disagreement before you know if peace will happen
• Application: Paul called for a truce, but I don't trust that he won't start another fight. Don't bury your hatchets before they hatch.

Many malaphors may have multiple meanings. Some interpretations merge the original definitions into a logical phrase. Other interpretations account for the changes in sentence structure.

In the example below, the original meaning of "tables" refers to a situation or game. Thus, the malaphor could mean the game has restarted. However, by merging the original definitions without considering sentence structure, the malaphor could mean a disadvantaged person has reset their life.

• Oh, how the tables have turned — to reverse a disadvantageous situation into an advantageous situation
• Turn over a new leaf — to leave behind old habits and start over
• (1) Oh, how the tables have turned over a new leaf — all advantages or disadvantages reset/offset, restarting the game
• Application: The Vikings came back from 20 points down to tie the game. Oh, how the tables have turned over a new leaf.
• (2) Oh, how the tables have turned over a new leaf — to reverse a disadvantageous situation and start over
• Application: After receiving support from her family, her friends, and her counselor, Brooke is steadily recovering from her depression. Oh, how the tables have turned over a new leaf.

When experimenting with malaphors, be aware of your pronouns.

• A penny for your thoughts — tell me what you are thinking
• Two cents — an opinion, often a suggestion that is not worth much

Simple enough. But if you aren't mindful of your pronouns, you might lose track of your meanings and your money.

• A penny for your two cents — give me your opinion
• A penny for my two cents — let me tell you my opinion
• A penny for my thoughts — let me rant to you
• Two cents for your thoughts — let me tell you my opinion if you rant

Many malaphors have easily attachable accessories. Mix and match your malaphors with these phrases:

• A tough nut to crack — a difficult problem/person to solve
• A hard pill to swallow — a difficult obligation to accept
• A tough act to follow — a difficult performance to measure up to

Customize your malaphors to create your own combo meal.

• A tough act to crack — a difficult performance to understand
• A hard pill to follow — a difficult obligation to measure up to
• A hard pill to crack — a difficult obligation to solve
• A tough nut to swallow — a difficult problem/person to accept

Now it’s your turn.

👉 Take two or more idioms, phrases, or clichés.

👉 Smash them together.

👉 See what glorious nonsense is born.

👉 Comment your best combinations and interpretations.

Let’s see who can cook up the most beautifully broken phrases!