The Sabrina Carpenter Slowburn (The Opening Act)

Stars.

Giant clouds of hot gas. Burning lightyears away. A dot to the naked eye.

We call her a star, too. The blonde bombshell. The salacious supernova. Just another big name to the naked eye.

Why look up? Why gaze at another galaxy? Why observe the firestorm? Why probe the untouchable? Why pick fights with millionaires? Why engage with demigods and facades outside our orbit?

Sabrina Carpenter is a provocateur. Her persona sparks controversy. Her exposure arouses exposure. Her heat rubs against your skin, massaging every single pressure point of your pleasure and distaste. Sabrina is a master at baiting the public, teasing their sensitive heartstrings and lingering on the tongues of tabloids and Twitter stans.

Every release, every stunt, every public appearance is a projection of her light. Is it a true reflection of Sabrina? Maybe, maybe not.

Prying won't get us anywhere. Rather, how we react to her light reveals a lot more about our reflections. About the current pulse of our culture.

Because stars guide our direction.

I want to observe how this star was born. I want to cover her entire journey through Hollywood, honoring every little speck of her stardust. I want to analyze how this Pennsylvanian pipsqueak with an apple and almond allergy transformed into today's white-hot scandal queen.

I want to laugh at stupid lyrics. Share useless facts. Bend my vocabulary to the brink of blood-curdling burnout for the sake of a digital biography.

I want to dive deeper than any video essay or fanmade forum on Sabrina Carpenter. With no restraining order on my record. As a straight cis-man.

I leave no stone unturned and no bird unstoned.

Most importantly, I want to refract her light. I want to shift conversation beyond the surface level. I want to capture different angles. Unearth different perspectives. Uplift music and pop culture discourse out of the shadows of shallow and toxic commentary.

I want to refract her light to spark something new. To offer a new direction.

Stars are untouchable. But they aren't immortal.

Stars with more fuel grow larger in mass. Larger stars burn hotter and brighter, attracting every eye towards their light.

The larger they expand, the faster they burn. The brightest lifespans are the shortest. Their deaths, spectacular.

Despite her five-foot impression, Sabrina's cultural footprint has made a lasting mark on the neck of pop culture. Her mark has been burning for nearly two decades, sweetly searing onto the public conscience like an unchecked curling iron on a silk dress. Now, with spotlights scrutinizing every lip balm and lingerie choice, the mainstream is matching her fire.

I fear Sabrina has yet to dig her heels into our throats. And the discourse is only growing more heated.

Sabrina is playing with fire. One wrong step, and the flames will devour her faster than they have fed her.

I mean, as they say in Chicago... she had it coming.

Some Ground Rules (If You Skip Them, You Can't Sue Me)

• This is not a drama blog. I am not discussing or judging the romantic affairs of strangers. Relationships are only mentioned as it pertains to public reputation and career trajectory.
• Our commentary must never judge her character. We do not know Sabrina. We have not actively met Sabrina. Thus, we have no right to criticize or speculate on her morality. We may address her public persona and her outward influence, but scrutinizing the person is not permitted.
• I review material made by a minor. While young Sabrina is not blameless, my criticisms of her early content are directed towards the writers, producers, executives, and other adults managing her career. Sabrina can get bad reviews for material created during her adulthood.
• Triggering topics are discussed in this series. Every article with sensitive material has a detailed trigger warning below its cover image. All triggering content is sectioned off by the following photos. These images indicate the start and end of the triggering content zone.
• This series is dumb and poetic. This series is critical and political. Above all, this series is subjective. I did my best to avoid becoming a pretentious, holier-than-thou snob whose opinion trumps any other take. I expect the comment section to follow this commitment.
• This series is fucking long. Deal with it.

“Something that my mom always said to me as a little girl that really annoyed me was that I am the tortoise, and if you guys know the tortoise and the hare thing, that pissed me off a lot...

Throughout my life, [I was] being told, 'Sabrina, you're the tortoise, just chill...' In moments of frustration and confusion, it can feel like a letdown. But it turns out, it's actually a very good thing. And I've really loved getting to know the mindset of a slow rise.”

Sabrina Carpenter (Variety Hitmakers Rising Artist Award Acceptance Speech, 2023)

Full Copyright of Cover Image: Courtesy of paint.pal (Please check them out!)

For Part II of The Sabrina Carpenter Slowburn, click here.