Inner Union

Feminine / Masculine

creativity / creation

void / fulfillment

depth / emergence

rest / action

nourishment / provision

healing / protection

intuition / cognition

emotional / mental

spiritual / physical

magic / logic

flow / form

inspiration / motivation

water / fire

earth / air

receiving / giving

dark / light

gestation / life force

Yin / Yang

Inner Union

Pain rules the heart, or the heart rules pain. Or… pain rules love or love rules pain. Pain is in the depths of the darkness. The deepest pain in the deepest shadows, the darkest depths. The unknown and feared. The perpetually avoided, numbed, and distracted from, where pieces of your soul remain. Either lost or taken by others, by loss, or trauma. The deeper you go into the darkness, the pain, to face those demons, the more of your soul you can retrieve. The more potential for wholeness. The more potential for light, for love, for healing. The further you go into the depths of the darkness, the depths of your fears, the more light can come in. The more mess can be cleared. The more love can be felt and experienced. It equals in strength and balances out like night and day. It’s pain and joy. It’s inner union of the dark and the light. The feminine and the masculine, the action and rest, the pain and joy. The more you can harness the power of the black and white team of horses, the further you can go, the further you will reach, the more you will expand, the more you will experience. Go into the depths and retrieve the pieces of your soul, so you don’t have to take pieces of other souls to sustain you, but instead help them find their own.

-Shae 2024 (Wild MacroLove) macrolove.ca

The feminine and masculine energies or aspects are within all of us, regardless of gender. Typically, one polarity is stronger than the other, or certain traits are more pronounced, depending on gender. Combining these energies allows manifestation, or creation, literally with the union of male and female, or figuratively with inner union, bringing ideas to life. A balance of these energies allows movement forward, fulfillment of desires, and healthy relationships. The feminine aspects are easier to suppress because they are passive and mostly unseen. The masculine aspects are easier to inflate and over-do because they are active and seen. Both are of equal importance.

I spent most of my adult life, as a woman, in my masculine energy. I had no choice. I was in survival mode. A single mom needing to provide and protect while also attempting to nourish and heal... to survive. I had to make ends meet to be okay for my daughter. I suppressed my divine feminine aspects out of necessity. There was no time to be creative or rest because I had to hustle to pay bills. I had to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. I believe this is partly due to toxic masculinity, over the last few generations, being phased out. I'm part of a generation who are finally rejecting it. Not tolerating suppression, ignorance or inflated egos. Willing to stand alone rather than be subject to abuse, disrespect or neglect. This is not a healthy balance though, it’s a trauma response; Hyper-independence. The only way I felt safe was away from toxic masculine energy. I did it all alone... and still do. I burnt myself out to the point where I ended up in emergency on 3 occasions having panic attacks. I spent the next decade rebuilding, healing and rediscovering myself. I’m now much more at peace and grateful for the journey that brought me here. Of course, there is always healing to do, but my divine feminine energy is open to rest and receive now, and my divine masculine energy is ready to act on inspiration when the time is right, and give openly. Getting to this point required realizing and accepting where I was unbalanced.

There are unbalanced and toxic forms of both polarities. With femininity, this takes form as insecurity, submission, jealousy, and depression. In the extremes, the unhealthy feminine energy is vindictive, judgmental, and manipulative with emotions, and the masculine energy is overpowering, egotistical, controlling, and manipulative with thoughts. The opposite divine or healthy energies work together in harmony to create wholeness and not to manipulate to fill a void or lack. This is true for internal energies in relation to self or external energies in relation to others. When these energies are balanced within, we are not seeking to fill a void with addictions, distractions, or relationships. We have a healthy relationship with ourselves and therefore we can attract healthy relationships outside of ourselves. When these energies are out of balance within, we tend to attract people who are also unbalanced and seeking validation externally, like us. We seek to fill a void which can never be filled by another person. It can only be filled within. We then blame the other person for our unhappiness because we don't understand that they cannot fulfill us. No matter how hard they might try or genuinely want to, they simply can't... and neither can we, until we do the work to heal. For myself, I've had to delve into my subconscious programming, which began in childhood. My parents, with all good intentions, instilled insecurity with their own unbalanced energies. I've learned to forgive them (still in process) and understand that they were always doing the best they could with what they knew... and to forgive myself for the same reason.

I've finally built a structure (masculine) of income and security to allow myself to begin to heal my divine feminine aspects. I'm relearning how to rest, dream, and simply be, without always trying to accomplish. I was also subconsciously equating my worth with productivity and could not rest without guilt. I believe that is in part due to a societal conditioning, always striving for more status, money, etc... more perceived worth, more acceptance by others... more validation of worth. I'm now beginning to accept myself as I am, flawed and disliked by many, but loved by some, in the right way. I've also realized the more I allow people to just exit my life, if not putting in effort to remain, the better off I am without them. When you know your worth, only others who also know their own worth will recognize yours, and put in equal effort. In spite of the loneliness, rejection, being misunderstood and abandoned, I'm now becoming aware of my vast worth, and feel somewhat whole alone... Empowered. I hope something in this will empower you too. The people entering my life now are mirroring my true self and truly appreciate me... because I do. It's all an outward reflection of within.