I skipped the anger stage of grief
Loving him is all I know
The day I lost him, someone told me about the Five Stages of Grief that I will and have to go through the heartbreak. It’s like a stair I have to climb one step at a time. I refuse to think about the coming days ahead.
The first morning I woke up without him felt like hell. I did not dare to check my phone to see if he messaged me while I was asleep. I said to myself “This isn’t happening”.
He loves me. He loved me.
Maybe if I did this or that, he’ll come back.
Should I beg? Should I cling to his arms so tight and tell him all the million reasons why he should not go?
Our memories were tucked in a drawer I refused to open now — days filled with loneliness, agony, and despair. I lie in a river of grief. I went through the trenches and deepest valleys and found myself on the edge of a cliff I almost threw myself off.
I cried so much that I created an ocean of my own, floating from the salt in my tears.
I hid myself from the world. Deleted all my social apps. I am so lost that I want to be found. And the only person I wanted to find me was the one who left me behind. Because I know he knows where to find me.
He’s the only one who can find me.
Because he was the one who killed me. He dug a grave for my heart buried me and left me there.
But I refused to be the girl who disappeared.
Time became my greatest ally.
I started looking at myself in the mirror and love the person I saw there.
I accepted the fact that some people are just meant to pass by in our lives.
But there’s one thing I realized…
I skipped the anger stage of grief.
He will never know what the pain did to my soul, but I didn’t hate him. I never did.
Because loving him is all I know.
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Comments (2)
Poetically written. How heartbreaking though! Sending hugs. 🤗
Nice article