Giving Fear A Walloping
For the “I Wrote This” Challenge. Video is attached right at the bottom... for the Vocal Team.
For a long time now, I've been terrified of heights. Mortified. Can’t bloody stand them. Ever since the first moment I went up somewhere high, I knew I wanted to be on safe ground. If heaven and hell really do exist in their stereotypical positions, I think I know which one I'd rather be in.
I had to google the technical term for this fear. It’s called acrophobia (not a bad name). I'm not sure if I'll remember that one, but my brain will try.
The first big-ish issue where this fear came up was in year five (in UK terms), which is grade four in American terms, I believe. And we went rock climbing as part of a birthday party – one of my friends’ birthdays in June. There were five of us and it started off with an instructor giving us... well, instructions, funnily enough. One of the questions he asked before starting was if we had a fear of heights. And I didn’t put my hand up. I didn't say anything and I truly don’t know why. I just left it, played it cool (something I am not). Now cue the inevitable outcome. On the first of three climbing walls, which was twelve metres high (forty feet), I was the first one to go up and I did not like it one bit. I got about halfway before I froze in absolute fear. I begged to come down while clinging for my life on the stones. The instructor kept shouting up encouragement saying “you can do it,” and “you got this.” Nope. I was defeated. I wanted to come back down to safe ground.
All my friends made it to the top of that wall when they had their turns; I was the only who didn't make it. Still haunts me to this day, clearly.
The next wall in the lineup was sixty feet high... I reached about five feet on that one, so... that’s a complete improvement, right? Oh Fear, how I detest thee.
I think the instructor had given up on me at that point because he let me back down as I neared tears. I was ten-years-old at this point, so hopefully tears would be allowed (disclaimer: you can cry at any age, I just didn't want to cry from a rock-climbing wall). There was also a third wall, which I don't remember much about – I think it had a bulge at the top for increased difficulty – and I don't think I even tried that one. I understand now people who freeze in fear because I completely froze. Twice. The whole climbing aspect was awful, but there were a few bits of fun with my friends on the day (the banter and whatnot, and I remember the party food afterwards. Yum).
Advance one year later. We went camping as part of a school trip for a whole week. For some reason (for fun, I suppose), on one of the days, we went rock climbing and it was at this same rock-climbing facility in a town called Crawley. And this is the moment I felt alive because it was when I made a name for myself in the tiny world of my mind.
We tried the forty feet wall again. This time around I was with only three of my friends because the teachers and instructors left us to it in our little groups, which I much preferred. It gave us freedom; freedom is good and I think it helped. I was the first to climb the wall again, for whatever reason. Lo and behold! I actually made the top this time around! I did it – I got there and I was chuffed. I was overwhelmed. I absolutely thumped the wall above the climbing stones (for some reason they had a bit of flat wall at the top). To this day, I don’t why I did that; I didn't even think, I just did it. But it was triumphant, it was a release of pent-up fear. And I walloped it!
It felt good.
It felt really good.
I felt alive. And I've never felt anything like it since. It’s such an overwhelming feeling – overcoming fear – and I loved it. I don’t think I’ve done anything like it since. If I have, I can’t remember it I as strongly as this one.
I kicked Fear's face in the arse (that anatomy checks out) and I liked it!
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A/N and video:
Thank you for reading. I wanted to keep this succinct (and hopefully entertaining) to save myself from talking on camera for too long… But I've been constantly and endlessly editing (always happens as I'm about to hit "submit"), so a few words and lines are slightly different now.
Down below is the video. Avert your eyes, please, and cover your ears. I didn't know how to end it (or the story, to be honest), so there’s a cut where I stopped and started recording again just to say “thanks for watching” and “bye” like a chump.
This isn't a face reveal (as I look an awful lot like my profile picture... how spooky). This is more of a I'm-not-as-hot-as-I-want-to-be reveal, but also a bit of proof that I am human despite my questionable looks. And, god, why am I now self-conscious about my eyebrows?! They’ve never been a bother before. Ugh...
Anyway, no one watch this (don't you dare!), unless you’re the Vocal Team.
About the Creator
Euan Brennan
UK-based. Reader, writer, gamer, idiot. I love creating stories. Working on some long fiction.
Taking a little break from Vocal~
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Comments (33)
I went to watch your video and it’s down! I’m sad I didn’t get to see it, but I also know what it’s like to have a luminous mind and insecurities about my face, haha. Tell the voice in your head to eff off, you deserve to take up space - much more than the influencers selling snake oil 🥳😉
Huge congrats on the honorable mention, Euan! Well deserved. Love the humor you infused into your writing about overcoming your fear - do you now enjoy rock climbing or are you: "Been there, done that, never again!" The one question I have is... where's the video? Did you take it down? I can't find the link. Sorry to have missed it if you did! I always think it's great to hear the author read their own work. :) Congrats, again!
Nice, I was hoping you'd get a placement in the challenge.
Yay! Honourable Mention too!🤩
Omgggg Euannn, I'm sooooo happy for you! Congratulations! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Returning to congratulate you on your win, Euan! Well done!
Well deserved Top Story! Amazing job conquering your fear & recording your story on YouTube… you’re braver than me!
This is a great story, Euan! Sounds like your victory was a peak experience. Congrats on the top story and good luck!
Congrats on your leader-board placement 🎉I guess, kicking fear in the ass really pays off ;)
What a wonderfully told personal story, Euan! I laughed out loud at "There were five of us and it started off with an instructor giving us... well, instructions, funnily enough." Such a wonderful look into a journey of conquering a fear in such a great conversational tone of writing! Really well done! I have what I call "not a fear of heights, but a fear of falling" (it's a fear of heights), so this was also very relatable! I've had to conquer it at times, but I also let it persist because my balance is so bad and therefore falling is a valid concern
Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Thanks for sharing, congrats on Top Story!
I like the way you gave us a glimpse of the inner world of that day, then switching back to the inner world of your present mind. This was relatable. The way you spoke about your appearance (absolutely nothing wrong with your appearance) but makes me feel like I am reading something from a friend who also knows me inside and out. I was glad when I read that you overcame the fear of heights. Life always gives a second chance to face our fears, I am glad you took it and that it healed that part of you to bring you the joy you showed us through this piece. The video was nothing short of perfect. What made it perfect, the fact that you're human, showing us both your strengths and weaknesses. Both of those things made you charming inside and out. I was not as brave as you to enter this challenge. Well done and congratulations on your Top Story. 🤗♥️
It's a healthy fear I also share.
Congrats on Top Story! Facing your fear face on is bravery but sharing your experience now that is a whole another type of courage. Kudos! To you. The video was a great addition
I don't follow directions if I don't like them, lol! So I watched/listened anyway :) Sorry, not sorry! This was such a heartfelt moment to share. I was right there with you and also cheering you on :) So glad you have that moment where the fear let you go enough to live in the moment. And I enjoyed hearing and seeing you :)
Yay!!!! Congratulations on your top story! I am also happy to see the face and hear the voice of one of my best supporters. And, like, Imola, I agree that you are too harsh on yourself, but I hope that recording yourself here helps. I did not show my face in my entry due to nerves, so bravo, for a job well done! You gave a fear a good walloping and that is always a good thing!!!
I said once and I say it again: you're being too harsh on yourself! :D And I'm so proud of you! For kicking fear in the fucking ass or face's arse or whatever it has in its odd anatomy... It's really brave, and so is sharing about your fears and experiences. You're so relatable in this writing and brought humor in at the right places. And I like your accent! (muhaha I'm secretly a self-pronounced Vocal team so had to watch it)
Congrats on TS!
Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
This was such a fun and relatable read! The way you mixed humor with vulnerability made it all the more powerful—and that final wallop at the top? Pure triumph. Loved every word (and eyebrow mention!). 💥👏
This is great
WEll done on Top Story! Lado!
Omggg Euannnn! You look and sound so cuteeee! And adorable! I especially loved the ending where you said hi to Sharon, Paul, and Angela! I am severely afraid of heights. To the extent where I can't even climb a ladder, lol. I'm so glad you kicked acrophobia's ass! Hehebehehe
I love this story and your triumph over fear – go you! 🥳 I also really like how you've written it in a lighter style, sprinkled with a bit of humor. An absolute pleasure to read. Aaand, I'm so sorry, I know I'm not on the Vocal Team, but I watched the video anyway... 😬🙈 and it made the whole thing even better! Hearing you tell the story in your own voice was like powdered sugar on top of a cake: not essential, since you've written it so expressively already, but it brings everything together perfectly. (Sorry for the baker’s analogy!) 😄 Good luck with the challenge, Euan!