From Appearance to Assurance

There was a time in my life where I believed that looking beautiful was the key to being confidence. I was convinced that if I was dressed well, wore the right makeup, and presented myself as the most polished person in the room, I would automatically earn respect. Especially when it comes to public speaking, I used to think that external beauty would hide my insecurities. I believed that as long as I looked confident ,people wouldn't notice how nervous I really was inside.

But the truth is, they did notice.

Every time I stepped on stage or stood in front of a class, my hands would tremble, my voice would shake, and I often forgot what I had prepared to say. My body looked calm but my mind was racing. Deep down, I lacked confidence and no amount of makeup or stylish clothing would cover that.

Over time, I began to reflect on why this was happening. I started questioning why I could appear so put together from the outside, yet feel unsure within. I realized that I had placed to much of my worth on how I looked_believing that beauty alone would be enough to earn respect, confidence, attention, and success. But no matter how flawless my appearance was _ it couldn't speak for me. I couldn't express my ideas or come my nerves when I had something important to say. That's when it became clear: if I wanted to truly grow , I needed to stop investing only in how I looked, and started working on who I was becoming.

That moment changed everything.

I began to shift my focus. Instead of spending hours in front of a mirror, I started spending time reading, writing, and practicing public speaking. I stopped relying on my appearance to "impress"and starting to impress who I was. I realized that true confidence comes from within_from knowledge, clarity, preparation, and emotional strength.

As Simone Sinek says in his book start with why, inspiring leaders communicate from the inside out. That means starting with purpose, who you are and what you stand for than moving outward to share your message. I decided to do the same in my life. I began to rebuild my confidence not based on how I looked, but on what I had to say.

Research supports this transformation. Studies from Harvard and University of California have shown that while appearance may create first impression, it's competence, communication, and emotional intelligence that build lasting influence and trust. In fact, a 2021 study published in the journal of personality and psychology found that people are more influenced by speakers who appear genuine and knowledgeable than by those who simply look attractive or stylish.

Slowly I began to see the difference in myself. I no longer trembled the same way. I started to speak with a clearer voice, and most importantly, I feel at peace on stage. I still cared about my appearance, I still enjoy dressing well and feeling good about how I look_ I am no longer defined by it.

I am now defined by the ideas I share, the value I hold, and the effort I put into growing.

The most attractive person the room is not necessary the most beautiful. It's the one who speaks with purpose,who listens with empathy, and who carries themselves with dignity. That's the kind of person I strive to be.

To any young women reading this: don't fall into the trap of believing beauty equals confidence. Yes, look after yourself. Wear what makes you feel strong. But don't let your appearance become your identity. Start from the inside. Ask yourself: what do I believe in ? what do I want to share with the world? what am I doing today to become the woman I admire?

When your confidence is rooted in character, no one can take it from you.

Words by Solange