Figuring Out

In the quiet corners of my mind, I grappled with the belief that the departure of those I held close was a consequence of my own inadequacies. Did I fail to anchor myself in their lives, drifting in inconsistency? Perhaps my struggles to articulate intentions left an ambiguous trail, and in their uncertainty, they perceived a lack of authenticity. Yet, paradoxically, I recognized the depth of my thoughtfulness and the earnest love that emanated from my heart. Was it my earnestness that misdirected my priorities? The departure was not a sudden vanishing act but a gradual fading. They lingered in physical presence but seemed oblivious to the silent echoes of my emotions. I question whether I unwittingly place them at the nucleus of my universe, eclipsing everything else?

In the midst of this, I found myself in a profound interrogation of my conscience and character. I marveled at my insecurities and the way I often disregarded my own feelings. Why had the pursuit of acceptance become a goal that overshadowed reaching for the stars? Instead of embracing my potential, I succumbed to the fragments of broken pieces.

No longer content with being lukewarm, I now aspire to be unique. This isn't about seeking retribution from others but elevating my standards in life. It's about holding my worth in high regard, ensuring I'm not deceived by external standards. I want to be who You say I am.

I'm questioning my character, reflecting on why I prioritized others' opinions over my own feelings. Now, 'G', I'm determined to be different and my desire for change isn't rooted in revenge but in becoming a better version of myself—for me and for those who genuinely love me.

I portrayed myself to be strong, but most times my heart was broken and in pain. I thought I needed to be strong like my brothers, so I hid emotions, I hid my vulnerability since I thought it made me weak. Deep down, I wanted a hug... Oh, I needed one to be strong. Help me, ‘’G’’.

People thought I never heard, never listened when they compared me. Oh, how they compared me a lot. These emotions stem from a place where I remember things I wish I didn't. Why am I awake at 1 am? So help me, ‘’G’’.

I thought I was the child who didn't worry. For a while, I was bothered by people, not knowing what to say, not being smart, not being number 1. Funny, but ‘’G’’ was always there. I could always complain to Him. He understood. I was reluctant writing this; I was afraid it'll be leaked, and then people would know how much I had bottled up. I wondered why I bottled up, sucked up to people when I could be open. I let myself be deceived, but not anymore. So help me, ‘’G’’

As I delve into this transformation, I'm reminded of the profound impact that moments of vulnerability can have on our personal growth. It's in these moments of openness that we discover the strength to rebuild and redefine ourselves.

As I navigate this journey of self-discovery, one piece of advice echoes in my mind: Embrace vulnerability. It's in the moments when I allowed myself to be truly vulnerable that I found the strength to rebuild and redefine who I am. Vulnerability isn't a sign of weakness; it's a testament to our humanity.

In a world that often emphasizes strength and stoicism, it's easy to misconstrue vulnerability as a flaw. Yet, it is through our vulnerabilities that we connect with others on a deeper level. It's in sharing our struggles, fears, and doubts that we create bridges of understanding and empathy.

So, to anyone treading a similar path of self-exploration, I implore you to embrace your vulnerabilities. Allow yourself the space to feel, to express, and to be open. It's not a journey to perfection but a journey to authenticity. In vulnerability, we find the courage to confront our fears and the resilience to emerge stronger.

As 'G' guides me through this transformative process, I've come to realize that being uniquely myself is a strength, not a weakness. It's a testament to the intricate design of the human spirit. So, let vulnerability be your companion on this journey. In its rawness, you'll discover a reservoir of strength and a path to the authentic self 'G' intended you to be.

May this advice resonate with those who, like me, have grappled with self-discovery. In embracing vulnerability, we find the keys to unlocking our truest selves.

I yearn to understand my worth, to embody the person You say I am. I seek clarity in knowing, being, and doing. I aim to care less about external judgments and to cultivate resilience. While navigating the tough terrain of my past, I find myself reliving moments I dread, moments that instill fear, making me worry that the past might cast shadows on my present.

But in the midst of it all, I am determined to move forward. This narrative is a testament to my commitment to learn from the past, to own my mistakes, and to emerge stronger. With Your help, 'G', I am on a journey of self-discovery and growth, ready to embrace the unique individual You've designed me to be.

So help me, 'G,' throughout this narrative, stands for God. In sharing these reflections, I find solace, guidance, and strength in my faith. It's a testament to the role of spirituality in my journey of self-discovery and growth. With the unwavering support of God, I am determined to move forward and embrace the unique path He has designed for me.