All I am going to ask of you

I had the option of attempting to transform this into a “love story”. I could have only showed you my good and happy side, my attractive side. I could have distanced myself from you, I could have created drama. I could have played hard to get, I could have made myself not always available. I could have made you miss me. I could have manipulated you, I guess, whatever that means. It’s not that I didn’t want the attention, I did. It’s not that I wasn’t jealous, oh I was.

But you were my friend. And I loved you, truly.

There were days when I was not able to make myself happy, no matter what, until I saw you. There were days where a single text from you made my day. There were nights I stayed awake in hope to catch you active on instagram. There were nights in which I could not sleep because I was thinking about what to get you…for a “just because” gift.

I could not make myself unavailable. Realistically, how long can I leave an “I am overwhelmed” text from you unanswered on purpose?

It might be why. I am always here. You don’t have to chase. You don’t have time to miss me. There is no chance of me being chased by anyone else too, for I am like that with everybody. You never got to think about the possibility of me going in any way.

The lack of attention angered me at some times. But then I would remind myself that I can’t just start treating my sweet friend with a cold attitude like that. I would feel bad. I remember being really upset one day. I also remember the next morning when I was walking the hallway and I saw you coming from the other side, before I knew it I was smiling really widely, seeing you had that effect on me. I saw you smile back, and I chose to forget.

I could have made it more difficult, maybe then you would have started to notice me, but I love simply, it’s the only way I know how to do it.

Maybe it’s smart, why would I risk a sweet friendship for an uncertain “crush”? Sometimes I think that there is no gain in “confessing feelings”. You would know, and then what?

You might think it’s annoying me but I mean it when I say I love listening to your absurd ideas. And when you need to rant, I want you to, it’s why I am here. it makes me feel special when you tell me things, even the things you tell me about your crush.

I have decided what I want, or at least the best of the available options right now: I will be your friend, until you stop wanting me to be. It hurts every now and then but it’s sweet and full of beautiful memories for all the rest of time. All I am going to ask of you is to not let this change for the worse. Stay.