A reflection on some of the aspects of life I find most puzzling

I am an 18-year-old straight white woman, and throughout my life I have always found it deeply puzzling that not everyone is granted the same rights and respect as I am. While I am fully aware that I benefit from many privileges in society, particularly due to my race and sexual orientation, I have still faced numerous instances of discrimination simply because I am a woman. Despite my life being relatively short so far, I’ve encountered enough of these experiences to know they are real — and every time they happen, I am just as shocked. It baffles me that someone can so easily belittle or disrespect another human being based on something entirely beyond their control.

Nelson Mandela once said, “No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love.” This quote encapsulates so much of what I find confusing about our world. Discrimination is not natural — it is learned, passed down through generations, embedded in systems, and normalised to the point that many people don’t even question it. But I do. I question it constantly. Why are people still judged, excluded, and oppressed because of their gender, race, or sexual orientation — all things they had no say in? The fact that these forms of inequality are still so embedded in the structures of modern life never ceases to astonish me.

One of the most perplexing forms of injustice I’ve experienced firsthand is gender inequality. It deeply puzzles me that in today’s society, women are still not granted the same opportunities or respect as men, purely because of biological differences. Some argue that feminism is “man-hating,” but that interpretation is not only false — it is dangerous. Feminism, in its truest form, is about equality. It advocates for a world where no one is limited or valued less because of their gender. Yet, the reality we live in tells a different story. The inequality is all around us, including gender pay gaps, the underrepresentation of women in leadership positions, gender bias school curriculums, and a persistent lack of access to education in some parts of the world. Women face widespread issues with reproductive rights, are often subjected to gender-based violence, and must navigate unrealistic beauty standards. These issues aren’t just random — they are rooted within our society.

Even from a young age, I began to notice how differently society treated boys and girls. I vividly remember being called “bossy” as a child, simply for taking initiative, while boys who did the same were praised as “natural leaders.” That double standard didn’t just frustrate me — it confused me. I couldn’t understand why the same behaviour was seen as admirable in boys but intolerable in girls. Taylor Swift, someone I admire as a vocal feminist, once pointed out in an interview, how there are different vocabularies to describe men and women. If a man does something clever he’s being strategic, however when a woman does the same thing it’s calculated. A man can react, whereas women can only over-react. This subtle but powerful disparity reinforces the idea that women are lesser — that their emotions, ambitions, and actions are somehow more problematic or less valid than men’s. It’s a message we receive in countless small ways, and I find it incredibly difficult to understand why that message persists.

Another issue that deeply puzzles me is racism. I will never understand how people can make assumptions about others — or worse, treat them unjustly — based solely on the colour of their skin. As a white woman, I will never fully grasp the lived experiences of racial minorities, but I can acknowledge that white privilege is real and that racism is alive and well, even in societies that pride themselves on tolerance and progress. While racism in Ireland may not be as overt or violent as it is in places like the United States, it still exists — often in subtle, everyday forms. Casual racist jokes, stereotyping, and unconscious bias are still prevalent. As a society, we have a long way to go. I find it particularly concerning that some people refuse to believe racism is a problem unless it is extreme or undeniable. But the more insidious, invisible forms of racism — like job discrimination, biased policing, and unequal access to education or housing — are just as harmful.

Experts say we all carry some form of “implicit bias” — unconscious attitudes or stereotypes that affect how we perceive others. That in itself is understandable; we are shaped by our environments. But what puzzles me is how some people refuse to acknowledge or challenge those biases. If we know we can learn to be prejudiced, then surely we can also unlearn it? Why isn’t that more of a priority in our schools, our governments, or our everyday conversations Statistics show that 89% of young people between the ages of 13 and 17 have either witnessed or experienced racism. That figure is alarming. It makes me wonder how many more cases go unreported — how many people internalise shame or fear because they feel they won’t be believed or supported. It disturbs me that in a world so advanced in science, technology, and communication, we are still struggling to accept each other as equals.

The discrimination faced by members of the LGBTQIA+ community is another aspect of life I find incredibly confusing and frustrating. It genuinely baffles me that people can still be judged — and even denied basic rights — because of who they love. Sexual orientation is a natural, deeply personal part of a person’s identity. People cannot choose who they are attracted to, and yet this simple truth continues to be contested by those clinging to outdated and often religiously-influenced beliefs. In Ireland, the fact that same-sex marriage wasn’t legal until 2015 still shocks me. We pride ourselves on being a modern, progressive country, yet it took until very recently for people to gain the right to legally marry the person they love. Even now, LGBTQIA+ individuals still face harassment, exclusion, and hostility. The most heartbreaking part is that so much of this hatred is taught — passed down from generation to generation.

What puzzles me most is the contradiction. In a society that claims to value freedom, individuality, and diversity, how can we continue to justify such rigid ideas about love and identity? I often hear people say, “Everyone should be treated equally,” but then they vote against policies or support ideologies that promote inequality. I struggle to understand how someone’s love life could be a threat to someone else’s values. Even the influence of the Catholic Church — long a central part of Irish culture — no longer feels like a valid excuse. My 93-year-old, devoutly Catholic grandmother has managed to evolve her views and now supports marriage equality. If she can overcome the rigid teachings of her time, why can’t others? What excuse do we really have?

In the end, I believe that the discrimination faced by women, racial minorities, and LGBTQIA+ individuals is not based on logic or fact, but on fear — fear of the unfamiliar, fear of losing power, fear of change. But if we can learn fear and prejudice, surely we can also learn empathy, compassion, and acceptance. That’s why I will never stop questioning these injustices, even when they’ve become “normal” to others.

To conclude, some of the most puzzling aspects of life for me are the deeply embedded systems of discrimination based on gender, race, and sexual orientation. It makes no sense to me that people are still judged and treated unequally for things that have no bearing on their worth, character, or abilities. I believe these inequalities stem not from truth or reason, but from ignorance, fear, and deeply conditioned societal norms. I hope that in my lifetime, these issues will no longer puzzle me — not because I’ve grown used to them, but because they’ve been dismantled. I long for a future where people are free to be who they are without fear, judgment, or shame. Until then, I will continue to challenge, question, and speak out — because staying silent in the face of injustice is the one thing I find even more puzzling than the injustice itself.