A Memory Never Forgotten.

My siblings always wanted to play out, but it was rare that I could as much step outside without being bullied. I spent many long days in my room engrossed in reading as many books as I could in a day, usually around six to seven books. I would wake up in the mornings on weekends when I didn't have school, and sit in my room writing anything from one-liners to a whole writing pad full of scribbles, sentences, stories, and poems which didn't often make any sense to anyone but me. I had often imagined becoming one of the great children's literary writers whose books were always in the shop windows with the words 'best seller' written on the front cover.

One day I came home from school upset. I had spent an entire day being faced with bullying, and it had continued on the way home from school. I always felt like a misfit at school, I never seemed to fit in at all. I went straight to my room, and I wrote letter after letter and poem after poem. Writing gave me the freedom to express the pain which I could not talk about.

I discovered my love of writing through early childhood trauma.

While I understand that this is a story about my first piece. My first real piece of writing that was recognized started at school. We were given an English essay in which we had to write a children's adventure story. I had never written a piece like this before, and I thought that I wouldn't be able to write a good piece.

I was worried about what the other children would think.

Would I be picked on for not being any good? Would the teacher embarrass me in the classroom?

I had read many adventure greats by children's writers as a child, so I wrote about four children who went on a wild adventure on the sea. My story ended up over four pages long, though I could have made it longer. However, my tutor had set a limit that I wasn't allowed to go over.

The night before the morning of handing in my homework, I didn't sleep. I was worried that my writing was really bad, and that all the children would laugh at me, and that my teacher would screw up my work and throw it in the bin.

It took courage to hand that piece of work in. I had spent long hours working during the night, rewriting scenes and making lots of notes. I nervously walked to my teacher's desk with my head down and handed it in. I was shocked when my teacher told me he needed to ensure my work hadn't been copied from a book because he thought my work was too good to have been written by me.

My teacher was astounded when he realized that it was all my own work, and I got top marks.

That same night, I went home beaming. I sat in my room and started writing a story about a girl who felt broken but still followed her dreams. This was the very first piece I wrote out of school, and every time I was bullied, I added a little more about the girl in my story who represented me. The bullying continued some years into my adulthood, but that beginner's project in writing opened a door for me and lifted my self-esteem to the point where I started writing more.

I found Vocal around 6 years ago, and I was nervous to start writing here at first. I thought I was hopeless, and some of my work was so clumsy that I am still editing some of those old stories today!

However, many of the first pieces that I wrote were about my journey to recovery through trauma and mental health. Sharing my journey here has enabled me to recover, become stronger, and fight to reach my dreams. It made me realize that I am not alone, and that many people were by my side.

Thank you Vocal for staying with me from start to finish, and showing me that writing about my journey can really help me.

I almost gave up in the beginning, but here is my first piece where I wrote about my mental health journey with tears in my eyes. This has been edited slightly because in those days I made a lot of mistakes!

All my stories in the beginning hold heartbreaking memories for me, from this first story that takes the reader on a journey through the fear I lived with, to the happiness I have gained today.

Moving forward: I was still in the trap of serious mental health problems, trauma, and depression when I first joined the site. However, because I have been able to share my feelings and emotions safely with the world here, I can now confidently write all kinds of things.

There always has to be a beginning in order for the first chapter to end.