Wow!!!

25 miles outside of town... 25 miles too far for help... 25 miles too far from a thing and there we sat; STILL and unable to move.

We had just arrived the day earlier from Jal, New Mexico and decided to park the van, spend the night and enjoy the tranquility of our new camping spot.

But what we had hoped would be a 10 day stay of us relaxing and continuing on our spiritual journey of sorts turned into something else for myself and my family.

After having spent the night listening to the coyotes howl and watching the quail run by we decided to load up and take a quick run back into town to get some needed supplies. Upon starting the van we realized it wouldn't crank up. Not one bit.

Did "Live Free" just give out on us? Surely she had gotten us this far and across that many miles to our new digs right outside of Carlsbad, NM from her humble beginnings in someones driveway in Tulsa, OK.

But she gave no indication to us as we traversed through the country she was in need of some TLC.

What could it be, we wondered as my husband tried in vain to get it going. Along the way all sorts of things we had bought to power us through this journey had given out.

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Our motto along the way became "Wait and let God" and so we left the situation be and continued on about our day, making breakfast, laying out in the van, cranking up the generator to enjoy a movie or two.

Later in the evening we decided to have at it again, yielding the same results as we did earlier in the day. So we retired for the night, closed up the van, and popped open the windows to enjoy the cool mosquito-less breeze and went to bed admiring the stars above.

The following morning we woke up, put ourselves and the kids through our regular routine. Wash, rinse, brush, repeat. Until everyone was cleaned up and dressed for the day.

Hubby decided again to try starting the van after we had cleaned up for breakfast. The kids frolicked through the sandy terrain enjoying the fact it was only us and the New Mexico desert.

After another hour or so, off and on of trying to restart the van; the reality of the situation started to kick in. No one else had shown up in the last two days and we were beginning to run low on water aside from the van not starting as needed. We had enough food underneath the bed where my husband and I slept, it was just a matter of "what happens next" if we cannot get "Live Free" back on the road?

"Live Free" had become home and a refuge from the rat race we felt consumed us as we juggled homeschooling, working for Door Dash and Lyft as well as just trying to stay afloat balancing work/life and 4 kids. We just closed up shop one day and within a month or so found ourselves on the road leaving it all behind.

Life on the road those few months were hard. But they were also rewarding. We had met so many people along the way from fellow black campers/Rvers in Eufaula, Alabama to following one family back to their property in Georgia to swimming in the lake at Whitney Dam in Texas to being ate up by mosquitoes somewhere in Arkansas.

After having departed Texas we decided to continue on towards our "then" dream of moving to Demin, NM and falling off the face of the Earth. Driving through Texas seemed like forever so we were relieved when we finally landed in New Mexico at our destination; a small park with free hookups in the town of Jal.

Upon arriving there we met another family living in their RV but they were so quiet you didn't even know they were in there. Out of nowhere the husband of the family walked over and gave us $100 plus a plate of food to include cheese, crackers and grapes.

Let me tell you along the way as we were making our way across the lower South, the generosity of others is what got us through. We had been fortunate to had been blessed by a police officer in Bossier City, LA with $200 which enabled us to get a much needed generator.

A couple making their way to New Mexico while we were at Whitney Dam gave us the left over food they had not eaten and a family in Georgia let us stay on their property for a month to rebuild our van.

So this was a continuation of the blessings we had been granted along the way and fit in line with the idea that maybe we weren't meant to "fall off the face of the Earth" as we had originally planned.

We met so many warm and welcoming people in Jal. And we also came across people looking for something else as well as families living in RV's because one or more parents were seeking work in the oil fields. At times all of us seemed almost invisible to the outside world but we were our own little group looking for something more.

So there we were stuck in the middle of nowhere reminiscing about how far we had come and all that we had been through thus far; a few days had past and the situation was becoming even more dire. I took to reaching out for help on Facebook as best as I could given the cell reception was spotty and was fortunate to have someone come out from the local county. But still the van wouldn't start.

Complete strangers came out to see if they could given their expertise get "Live Free" up and going but to no avail. The situation continued on for another day or two at that pace; of not knowing and then my husband in a last resort reached out to his family to ask that they send some water out to us.

Yes! It had gotten that bad. We still had food. People who had come through gave us chips and salsa plus some Gatorade after we all introduced ourselves and ultimately let on to our van troubles but nothing changed.

It must of been the grace of God because Instacart didn't normally deliver that far outside of town; but our first driver told us "something told me to take it, I don't know if it was God..." and he was able to deliver us some water a few hours after it had been ordered. Little did we know that our story wouldn't end there!

Give or take another day or two had past and we working on conserving our water but were getting dangerously low. The hubby again reached out to family and asked that they retry to send us water since we had been unable to get anything delivered to us via Instacart.

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It was like a shot in the dark but it worked! Yet again we were blessed with another delivery of water, but something about this encounter was different. You see our first driver had went home and told his girlfriend about the family that was stranded in the desert and she in turn told her sister and brother in law.

Turns out the sister and the brother in law happened to be the ones who got our second order of water! They decided to take it when they realized who it was for. Our luck didn't run out there. After trying to no avail to get someone to correctly diagnose the situation with our van and facing having to scrap it; the brother in law/husband of the Instacart driver decided to take a look at "Live Free'.

What was supposed to be routine delivery of water turned into them staying out there for about two hours until the young man figured out what he believed to be the issue. The computer of the van was fried!

Wait a minute, a van made in 1991 has a computer? Little did we know! He wound up taking the computer out of our van but returning that evening with food/juice/sodas they had managed to round up from family to give to us.

Just the mere thought of folks going out of their way for us left us moved. And the more surprising part was that they themselves were raising 7 children and didn't really have much to give. But when the sisters spoke with each other about the "family in the desert" they were determined to help us if they got a chance to. Luckily our order for water came through when it did!

As we waited for the local Autozone to receive the new computer for the van the unthinkable occurred. Now at this point in time I had spent every day since 2009 with my husband and here we were living the "van life" on the road with our kids in the summer of 2019.

It was exciting, new, and something we had never done before. But we had never spent more than a week apart and something felt different about the space we were currently in as a family and a couple.

In what seemed like a whirlwind of complete surprise, our "journey" was brought to end. Apparently our stay in the desert well within the confines of the legal requirements to staying in that area prompted a "phone call" from a concerned citizen that we had been in the camping area past the 10 days we were allowed per BLM rules. Little did we know that my husband had a warrant out for his arrest.

Now let's rewind a bit. We are a black family living in our van, driving across the US with our kids in town just enjoying what life has to offer. We hadn't caused any trouble along the way. Stole anything. Messed up any space that we stayed in yet it wasn't the first time our mere presence had drawn any ire.

It seemed everywhere we went we were being profiled or asked ludicrous questions by law enforcement so when this "Park Ranger" rolled by everyone and straight over to us; we already knew what it was.

In a matter of minutes after questioning us and our intent on enjoying "free land open to all US citizens"; my husband was in handcuffs and being led away on these charges stemming from an out of state warrant and facing extradition. I was stranded alone with 4 kids in the middle of nowhere.

My heart sank. But I had to keep it together for the kids. They were devastated seeing their father go. His mere presence had made the trip so much safer, and enjoyable.

What would we do now that he was gone? Now I was left alone to ponder the future of our journey being cut short and whether or not I would have to make arrangements to junk the van and drag what I could into town to catch a bus back home.

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I waited for what seemed to be forever struggling with my emotions, the kids emotions and the loss of my husband. My heart hurt for everyone BUT myself. My first night was spent listening to my children cry profusely and silently choke on my own tears. The younger ones clamored to get in the bed in the back not wanting to sleep alone in their usual arrangements without "Daddy here".

I couldn't sleep. I stayed up all night working out the "what-ifs" in my mind afraid I had failed them or taken on too much to bear. I was alone. Frustrated and scared. Now the weight of this journey was on me. My husband has always been great at bearing the brunt of this family without showing too much emotion or letting things get to him. I was the worry wart of the family, always assuming and thinking the worst. And here I lay having to navigate terrain I had never been in and control my own worst fears.

The following morning the Instacart driver and her husband returned with the new computer and popped it into "Live Free". I cannot begin to tell you the gravity of the situation and how I felt hoping for a miracle.

He asked for the key and started her up, and to our surprise she came back to life! To hear the van run after what seemed an eternity was the most rewarding sound of my life. I felt like so much of my worries had been laid to rest and I said a thank you to the ancestors above. For they had guided us all along, kept us covered when we felt naked and walked by my side as I waited for a miracle.

I couldn't have been more happier so I let "Live Free" run. I was too afraid to turn her off and then have to deal with a problem all over again. I thanked the Instacart driver and her husband through tears and embarrassment. I couldn't stop thanking them because who knows what would have become of us had we not gotten any help let alone water. And the sheer knowing that Instacart didn't normally deliver that far outside of town further added to the mystery but confirmed we were being looked after.

But what broke me in two is when they said to me, that replacing the computer to the van was "FREE". And that we didn't owe them anything! I couldn't stop hugging the driver and thanking the husband because the space I was in mentally; those were the last words I expected to hear.

I packed up that van so fast and got the kids in there with everything loaded you would have thought I was on the run! It was just one of those moments where while this was a journey of a lifetime, I desperately wanted to escape being there. We had been fortunate while waiting, to receive donations via our GoFund Me page to assist me in having to junk the van/take a bus back home and with that I headed into town.

I followed up that stay outside of town by staying at Brantley Lake State Park and Chosa Campground as we waited on word of my husbands release. It would take another week or so before NM released him to FL and we had to make the decision whether or not we should continue on without him or head to FL.

I ultimately decided we would go to FL and began the arduous task of driving the van full time for the first time since our journey had begun. Upon reaching FL, my troubles didn't end there. Staying with my in laws was a limited option but a friend saved us by sending me $500. With that I was able to buy more food and spend a few days away without worry.

It would take another few weeks or so before we were reunited but our experience taught me a few valuable things about life, love, people and generosity. Just when we had thought we were done with people; mainly family and friends, we were reminded of the "goodness" in others. If it had not been for the many people we met along the way, there's no telling where we would be or who would be.

So much of our time before all this took place had been about escaping the torture of always being there for others, or feeling worthless, used and unseen let alone not valued. So much of our time before all of this took place had been about "being there for US because no one else wanted to". So much of our time before all of this happened had been about "escaping" and "cutting people off". And time and time again, we were reminded "that wasn't going to be possible". As much as we felt discarded there were still people out there with goodness in their hearts.

And I can't help but think of these people who gave unconditionally along the way. Who shared what little they had. Who didn't turn their noses up at us, judge us or the lifestyle we had chosen to live let alone the journey we were on.

They brought us back into the fold and made us better people.... and for that we are thankful every day.