Turning Survival into Living

I travel through the darkness.

Awakening to the new world. A world I thought was yours.

A vision from the past. Before I met you. Beckoned me forth through the cold and waterless void. You are surrounded by a white light.

You entice me into this world. With my main weakness. I follow into the light. Unknowing of what is to come. I am there for other reasons then the purpose intended.

My journey to seek you out has brought me to “see” things again. Things I don't remember seeing and yet all too familiar. I find parts of myself that have been long forgotten. Parts that were never whole till now. These words might seem dull and unrefined. They might not resonate with anything. But at this moment , they flow from a source I can't control. Pure subconscious. Unencumbered by pretentious words, they are me. The deep me . The deep me that doesn't think about being deep and just is.

I followed you through the light. It was but a fleeting span of time. The message was seconds long at most. It took three years to find you again. Many guides and experiences that I didn't see the value in at the time brought me to bear witness. Manifesting as mirrors along a stone path. Backdropped by a dark void. This is a long path I tread. Passing many reflections I didn't want to look into. They would distort the image of me. And not see the actual me. But bitter truth would lie in some of the angles they were set to show. I began to shatter them. Destroying false perceptions of myself. Glass exploded outwards from the blows. Some of it pierced me.

The shards that pierced my hands melded into me. The small truths that were from the reflections joining with me. Silver lined mirrors. They poisoned my darkness. Left me in a catatonic state.

I drifted away from consciousness.

I left my world to follow you. To know you. To find meaning. I am finding meaning in just my existence. As the spirits of a different realm again show themselves, I can find joy in being.

I was shattered. Though my pain doesn't compare. I sought to put myself back together. And as I am unfamiliar of how to sustain myself in the world of boundaries and limitations I saw you beginning your flight. Wings of fire. Spirits abound around you. They feel your love. They are drawn to it. The ones I have left mingle with them and communicate with each other. They relate to each of us what we don't see from the outward appearance of each other.

They let us talk of the world as it is and not what it was.

Talk of what is next and not what has happened.

We chat as we walk a path . You show me the things you’ve made from the old world. Though I can only see what is and not what was. They are magical wonders. I can't tell how they came to be . How you were able to salvage what was. How they are so luxurious despite being rebuilt. Broken pieces woven together to be more beautiful than before. My questions about where they come from are too many and seem to cause pain. So I refrain from asking too frequently. Glad to just be on the path with you.

I start to imagine where the path is going. If it will split and we must make a choice along different avenues. I don't know this world. I don't know from where you draw your strength. Where to find food, water or joy. I begin to realize that the wings of fire on your back are still forming. And that though they will give you freedom. But they bring their own pain.

I want to help.

Want to stop the pain.

But I am new to this world and fear causing more harm than good. Your wings are your destiny forming. And though I am scared they will bring you away from me. I cannot stop them from growing for my sake. I won’t let my fear break your destiny. Maybe I’ll grow wings of my own some day, though I fear the pain it takes to form them. And we’ll meet again and fly around. Stopping here and there seeing sites and others without wings. Bring them hope and necessities to live in the new world. The one that was foreign to us at one point.

Giving helpful tips and laughing and smiling at the joys of this world. We’ll make maps of the new world. Pray at the sacred sites we find. And see each other as oft as our wings allow. For we don't know how long the wings will stay. Or if there are yet other worlds to go to. I’ll always look to the moon and see your eyes. And stare at the fires of night and see your passion in the flames. This isn't goodbye. This is hope in the only way I know how to say. Hope of the unknown. Hope of the spontaneous. Hope of good will. And faith in all things.

We must find our tribes. I have a few that have awakened to this world. You are the first of my tribe in this world. My shaman. A new world druid. From you I have learned alchemy, attunement and discipline.

I still greet those from my old tribe. And hope they grow wings of their own as well. To fly around and show the joys of this world. And pass on the eyes of learning. The heart of acceptance. And the will of passion.

May our journeys be pleasant. And our paths bring us back to each other.

With all my Love.