Six Flags: Get Your Act Together

Six Flags has never took theming as seriously as Disney World, but there are different lands in the park. When I worked at Six Flags St. Louis as a teen, employees had different outfits based on the themes. As a ticket seller at the front of the park I was categorized as being in the “1904 World’s Fair” section and had a red and white pinstripe shirt and bow tie to give me the look of an old timey carnival barker (that is when the wardrobe department didn’t accidentally give me a blouse). Even as I worked there in the 1990’s though, those outfits were replaced with generic polos worn by employees across the park -- this was one of many small changes that represented a decreasing commitment to motif. As new attractions have been added that fit less but remnants of old themes remained there has been an increasingly incoherent feel to the park. I’m going to go through the different rides and how well they fit into their respective lands.

1904 World's Fair (Formerly Missouri)

This is the entrance to the park, which clearly takes inspiration from Disney’s Main Street USA. The Old Timey store fronts convey that this is a theme park rather than just an immobile carnival. There’s only two rides, Colossus, which fits well as the 1904 World’s Fair had a famous Ferris wheel. The other is a compact wooden roller coaster, American Thunder. This one was originally named after the daredevil Evel Knievel, which was always sort of odd since the coaster wasn’t built until 2008, decades after Evel Knievel was popular. Now it falls into the category of ride with a generic name that makes no attempt to mesh with the theme.

This maybe an oversight, but Tommy G. Robertson Railroad is not listed as belonging to any section of the park on the Six Flags app. However, the entrance is near the 1904 section and the actual 1904 fair had a “Thompson Scenic Railway”

Gateway to the West (also Formerly Missouri)

This land is a cross section of the middle park that doesn’t really need to exist. The two rides are River King Mine Train on the Eastern edge of the park, which I had assumed belonged to Chouteau's Market (see below) and Thunder River, on the western edge of the park. This section ought to be divided amongst the other parts of the park.

Chouteau's Market (formerly France)

Log cabins are meant to evoke a frontier French trading post. Instead of including the rustic looking River King Mine Train, it includes Spinsanity and Tsunami Soaker, two modern looking rides with generic names and no attempt at theme. If they had made some effort they could have incorporated them into the adjacent Studio Backlot.

Studio Backlot (formerly USA)

“USA” is a pretty lame theme for a park in the USA, and the switch to a Hollywood Studio theme made sense when Batman: The Ride was introduced in 1995. In my opinion, still the best ride in the park. There was some attempt at theming on this one, with the queue first going through a park “donated by the Wayne family” before going into the grimy underbelly of Gotham. There’s nothing particularly Batman about the ride itself but it is a cool inverted coaster. The ride next to it, The Buccaneer, is probably the biggest annoyance for me. A swinging ship ride that was originally called the Buccaneer, it was changed to The Joker in 1995. There wasn’t a lot of theme to it but the name made sense in that it was right next to Batman and you exited through an arcade with an Axis Chemical theme. However, just this year Six Flags decided they wanted a new ride on the other side of the park to be called The Joker, and the swinging ship reverted to the Buccaneer. It is still next to Batman: The Ride, and you still exit through Axis Chemical arcade but it’s now the Buccaneer-- I hate it.

Studio Backlot also includes Ninja, a steel roller coaster with no real theme or attempt at being incorporated into the Studio Backlot. Just spitballing here: rename it Bane’s Backbreaker. It makes it fit with the superhero rides and gives it a more intimidating edge.

DC Comics Plaza (formerly Spain)

There is a bit of effort made in this section of the park. Includes Justice League: Battle for Metropolis, the only dark ride in the park. This is one where there is a clear theme throughout the entire ride. However, that doesn’t mean the theming is particularly good. Before you get on the ride you pass an animatronic Cyborg, whose presence is somewhat undercut by shelves behind him holding a few random pieces of old electronics. The ride itself features some animatronics, but most of it is moving between screens that depict the Justice League battling Lex Luthor and the Joker. You get lasers to shoot at the screen, but it’s often hard to tell where you’re shooting or if you’re having an effect.

Across the plaza is Mr. Freeze, a linear induction roller coaster with a bit of theming in the queue, featuring an animatronic Schwarzenegger Freeze. There’s also a standard scrambler named Shazam! That is apparently the first and only theme park attraction dedicated to Shazam in the world. Yet there is absolutely no effort beyond the sign labeling it Shazam.

Thunder River should be incorporated into the DC Comics Plaza, considering Mr. Freeze is on the island in the middle of this water ride. The obvious answer is an Aquaman theme. You need to really go for it though, having animatronics of Aquaman and his enemies along the ride. If you’re just going to change the name, then don’t bother.

Britannia (formerly England)

More than rides, theming once stood out in this section for the Robin Hood Stunt Spectacular show and the grotesque Friar Tuck's Turkey Legs. Now the show is gone and the turkey legs are sold at the front of the park sans theming. There’s still some buildings that have a ye olde England feel to them, but one hosts an Italian pizzeria. Come on man! Make that building an English pub. You have a whole Illinois section of the park, you could have sold deep dish pizza over there. As far as the rides, well none of them really fit. You have The Boss, a giant wooden roller coaster, no real theming -- this ride cries out for dragon name instead.

There's Joker Carnival of Chaos, which doesn’t fit, no reason to name it that. Same with Supergirl: Sky Flyer. YouTuber Jenny Nicholson said Six Flags feels like a gas station with a roller coaster behind it, and then they just named the coaster “Superman” and that feels true here. They made more of an effort than with Shazam, where the name just feels like a coincidence, but not much. Stick to the United Kingdom theme! Give the rides names like Questing Beast, Sherlock Homes Great Escape, or The Great British Bake Off: The Ride.

There is another new ride in this section, Rookie Racer, a small coaster for kids too big for Bugs Bunny National Park but not ready for the full size coasters. This ride has its own theme with the ride looking like a race car and race track sound effects. This coaster could have been brought into the land’s theme with a bit of forethought: just have the prerecorded track announcements done by someone with a British accent. Maybe they could have even gotten a British car brand to sponsor the ride.

Illinois (formerly Old Chicago)

This was always the least themed portion of the park. At this point you could say the theme was Ohio if you felt like it. Of the five rides, four (Boomerang, Fireball, Screamin' Eagle and SkyScreamer) have no theme. The fifth, Catwoman Whip, is themed in name alone.

While I’d like to see changes made to the Britannia section to make it more on brand, there’s no real theme to salvage in the Illinois section.

My view on this section is that it should be retooled with Screamin’ Eagle, their classic wooden roller coaster, as the starting point. The rest of this section should embrace animal ascetics. The Boomerang is now The Ram because the track bears a passing resemblance to a ram’s horns. The Larson loop Fireball is now Ouroboros. The swing currently known as SkyScreamer is now Flight of the Bumblebee. Catwoman Whip can keep its name but you need to lean into the cat aspect, put some cat statues up.

Then here’s the clincher: get some animals. Then you actually have a themed section.

This is what I do, but almost any theme (Rock and Roll, Blizzard, DC Villains, etc.) would be better than Illinois.

Bugs Bunny National Park

The little kids section of the park. Every ride (Bugs Bunny Ranger Pilots, Daffy Duck Stars on Parade, Elmer Fudd Weather Balloons, Marvin The Martian Camp Invasion, Taz Twisters and Yosemite Sam Tugboat Tailspin) has a Looney Toon tie in, which really just shows that Six Flags can stay on theme if they feel like it.

Six Flags probably doesn’t really care what I think, but they ought to. While I hadn’t been to their park in years, I have still been making trips to the much further and more expensive Silver Dollar City, a park which has always stayed loyal to its whitewashed 1880’s theme. People might get annoyed if the name of their favorite ride changed, but that would probably drive discussion of the park.

Is any of this important? No, of course it isn’t. But we don’t go to theme parks because it is important to do so, but because they are a fun and whimsical escape from the real world. Theming is part of that.