My Blue Windbreaker

Have you ever done something that was so insanely out of your comfort zone but simultaneously felt so comfortable? September 15, 2017, directly after graduating high school, I decided I was going to set mark on what would be the beginning of a electrifying journey through London and South Africa, each place representing something very different for me, but all encompassing one big lesson of life. I learned that there are unusually magical feelings and emotions that can be bursted out of one’s inner self, through being in different environments and experience "newness." All of it made me more able to express something so true inside of me; something I had never felt comfortable nor confident enough to share with the world. London represented new weather, ideas, new people, and independence. South Africa was a longer period of blooming and pure love, where I learned what it was like to put my energy out into the world instead of focusing on myself; simultaneously having it feel so effortless to understand and accept who I was, as a unique form of human existence.

Through the entire college process, I knew that I definitely did not want to shoot myself straight out of a cannon, and back into a classroom. I made a decision and planned an Uber last minute trip. I was off and destined for the beautiful, historical, and symbolic city of London, staying there for two weeks with family. I put on my brand new shoes, which were red converse all-stars of course, and swung my blue windbreaker over my shoulder. I was ready to set off for the first stepping stone of what would become a literal life-changing journey. Lesson learned: You never know when one decision will change your life forever. Risks are worth taking, always. The most beautiful feeling is being surrounded by strangers that you feel so connected with. These strangers happened to be my family living in North London. The two weeks I spent there let off a firework of feelings. Colors of blue, red, and gold shot across the sky as soon as I arrived. I felt like I could see it all on my own, especially with the small but filling portions of food, the bridges, petite stores, and the amount of dancing I was doing.

I would wake up in the morning, journal a bit, and walk down the long row of stairs that led to the very small kitchen, to be greeted by my aunt and uncle ever so politely asking me if I wanted something to eat for breakfast. The self-asserting smells that the oats they made in the pot would let out, were the best way to start out my day. I spent a lot of time with my 41 year old cousin, who quickly became a new best friend and a partner for late nights at the club and boba runs. I gained a new sense of joy in adventuring alone as well. Embracing solitude so easily and happily is the most freeing feeling. I would spend times in the cafe up the street from their little house, reading different books everyday that I managed to snatch from my uncle’s library, that hid in the room I stayed in. I frolicked around the speckled windy streets of Camden and Cambridge, my mind eager to speak to everything around me. I spoke to the people, the trees, the food, the art, the water banks, the books, and even the buildings. I went to museums alone and utilized the tube, an underground transportation system to get myself round town. It was like every stop I made was a new breath of fresh air. I took in any bit of information I could, everywhere I could. I can even recall the empowering feeling of layering my clothing. That simple task of having to find the perfect layers of long sleeve shirts to wrap my body in, was something that I can still remember getting joy out of. I now stare into my closet, at my classic blue windbreaker I wore throughout my entire trip, and remember it being what I always needed to balance out the freezing wind and the sun breaking through the clouds.

After eleven days in London I landed in Johannesburg, South Africa. The moment I arrived, it was euphoric, and not just because it was a relief to get off of an eleven hour flight. It was a new feeling of expressiveness waiting to be let out. It spoke to me and told me I was meant to be there; that I had finally arrived somewhere that would expand my mind. As soon as I landed I realized that traveling to South Africa to visit family as I grew up, gave me the foundation to feel the way I initially did this time around. A sense of earthiness, comfort, readiness to learn, and pep toppled onto me like I was a freshly baked pizza. I smelt biltong being sold on the streets and could envision the craftsmanship in the markets. Beaded animals and necklaces made from hours of sweat. People dancing in the streets, clothes hanging on outside clothing racks, obnoxious birds making their obnoxious sounds that I laughed at as a baby, shopping malls, springbok posters, trampolines, freezing swimming pools, and water running down a stream of rocks. My old memories were soon to be renewed and unified with who I was becoming.

I waited excitedly but also frantically for my aunt to pick me up from the airport. Full of childhood memories waiting to be remembered and repurchased. This time they were to be put on natural steroids and sent seven years through a time machine. All on my own, there I stood at the airport. Arriving and seeing my gran was like no time had past. I ended up spending most of my time in Johannesburg in between traveling to other places on the coast. There I spent time with my cousins and other family friends simply bonding; going to family dinners, lion and rhino parks, art shows, a museum or two, swimming, hiking, reading, and simply having a good time.

After spending the initial three weeks in Johannesburg, I set off to Kariega Game Reserve in Port Elizabeth. I would be staying in a home, with eight other individuals from all around the world. Germany, Switzerland, France, England and even Portugal. There was a rhythm and specific way of doing things in this home. Times to be ready in the morning, who would get the front seat in the game vehicle each day, and which two people would cook dinner for everyone for the night. I followed along with what I needed to, and did my own thing when I could. Lesson learned: I really enjoy being an individual and being different is something I am good at, but I can also play by the rules if need be.

When I first arrived, I payed more attention to the animals than the people. The Elephants, Kudu, Impala, Blesbok, Serval Cats, Baboons, Hippos, Zebras, Rhinos, and all of the birds that I can't pronounce the names of. By continuously reminding myself to do so I allowed only good energy in, as I found most of the people there to be a bit standoffish at first. By the second week more volunteers arrived. These newcomers ended up becoming my best friends. The reserve made me notice what type of knowledge my brain was eager to suck in, and how it wanted to do so. My brain became a baby next to their favorite sippy cup. Pure experience is what brought me so much delight and growth. I learned that in whatever train of transition I am placed in, it is always going to take time for me acclimate. Whenever a new and somewhat uncomfortable environment brings itself into my presence, it will take time to get fully situated and feel at home within myself there.

The fresh smells of the native plants and the hilarious faces of my friends who were surprised I was willing to accept the opportunity of sticking my finger into a slab of rhino turd in order to feel the heat packed inside, proved it all to be worth it and more. I can still feel the dirt in my fingernails and the thorns of the invasive plant species as they slid against my skin, telling me not to cut them down. I can still remember the sensations and exhilarating feeling the African sun, thunder, and raindrops gave me when they managed to sneak through the holes of my blue windbreaker, soaking me up. I probably soaked it all in more than it literally soaked me.

What stood out to me most was that in three and a half months, through shifting my environment so drastically and becoming apart of a new world, I would learn the most valuable and interesting lessons about life, than I ever had up to this point. Through my entire eighteen years of existing, I had never felt so alive and appreciated by myself and the world. I learned, I read, I wrote, I spoke, I met, I laughed, I cried, I danced and all of it metamorphosed me into a new human being. I will always enjoy spreading energy into the world, through this new feeling of expressiveness I was lucky enough to get to know. It is something magic when you begin to spread energy out, instead of trying to gain a happier energy within. It begins to emanate inside of you naturally. I believe now that we all have many different homes. Places that we feel absolutely ourselves in. It is just like we have different soul mates. Tricky part is they are waiting for us to find them, and it is up to us to allow the universe to guide us to them. I found a new home in this world but most importantly I found a new home within myself, while wearing my blue windbreaker to help me seek and find it. All I can say is: Get out into the world and explore. Of course, whilst making good use of your windbreaker. Whatever color.