Get Away! The Human Reorientation Experience

We know travel might look different these days, but we've got you covered - even if you've completely forgotten how be around people.

If you're like us, you might have realized it's going to take serious effort to prepare yourself to rejoin society. Oh god, the press, the heat of crowds…. and do you remember airports? Quaint experiences, like feeling the moist breath of strangers misting both your cheeks as you relax into your extremely comfortable (and economical!) middle seat?

Here at Aahway, we decided to go beyond building fancy suitcases. As customers begin to feel a readiness to travel that is currently unsupported by data, we're proud to unveil the newest member of our product line: Get Away!, a special training environment we developed to assist you in learning how to deal with other people again.

Over the course of 20 hours (**you can schedule in blocks according to your lifestyle!) you will be slowly lowered into a vat of heavy, close, sulfurous steam - again and again - to recreate the physical sensation of once-typical situations, like: Waiting to use a stall in a public restroom, standing on a crowded subway platform not knowing where to go, or trying to order shots poolside in Vegas before Wale's "surprise" appearance. At 3-minute intervals, autonomous pincers will find and connect with various uncomfortable places on your body, emulating drunk guys in bar lines and the TSA. 

The cornerstone of our humanity reorientation experience, however, uses leading-edge AI to create a 4D virtual-reality sparring partner who is truly worthy of you: a formidable composite persona that the AI reconstructs from your personal memories: a racist grandpa, a contractor who insists on getting permission from your "husband," and that shitty neighbor whose dog never stopped taking gigantic dumps in your yard. You will be given as many virtual rounds as it takes to defeat your AI partner, in an argument that starts for no reason.

Traveling in 2021 is a circus: a scary one, like in a Ray Bradbury story. But Aahway arms you with more than just a bulletproof suitcase you can use as a shield. Our new humanity reorientation experience, included with every Aahway purchase over $5,000, gives you the confidence and security you need to travel this year. You'll graduate with a heightened tolerance for members of your own species and the verbal acuity to destroy any customer service rep who wants to charge you for an extra day. 

Visit our website now to make the most of this limited-time offer, available for the rest of this, uh, wildly unique year, 2021! 

Safe travels and bon voyage from all of us at Aahway!