It's Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Chances are, you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted.

Let's talk about it.

Trigger warning: I am going to be discussing topics that may be triggering for some individuals. If you think this might be a triggering topic for you, please don't continue. I will also include different resources throughout.

As a SA survivor, I've spent a lot of time reading other women's stories, doing research, and advocating for other survivors. Please note, however, that everyone is different, and there is so much more information out there than what I've included.

Let's talk terms:

Read about some of the different types of sexual violence and the types of actions they might include here. Some of the following definitions might change from state to state on a legal basis.

Sexual Violence – “an all-encompassing, non-legal term that refers to crimes like sexual assault, rape, and sexual abuse” RAINN

Sexual Assault – “refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim” RAINN

Rape – refers to “penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” U.S. Dept. of Justice

Sexual Abuse – “unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent” APA

Child Sexual Abuse – “when a perpetrator intentionally harms a minor physically, psychologically, sexually, or by acts of neglect” RAINN

Intimate Partner Sexual Violence – sexual assault (as defined above) committed by a partner, significant other, spouse, etc. RAINN

Incest – “refers to sexual contact between family members” RAINN

Sexual Harassment – “includes unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature in the workplace or learning environment” RAINN

Statistics from The National Sexual Violence Resource Center:

• 1 in 5 women will be raped in their lifetime
• Almost 25% of men have been a victim of sexual violence in their lifetime
• The estimated lifetime cost per rape victim is over $120,000
• In 2018, only 25% of rapes sexual assaults were reported

LGTBQIA+:

Did you know that members of the community are more likely to be sexually assaulted, harassed, and raped?

According to the Human Rights Campaign, members of the LGTBQIA+ community face higher risks of poverty, stigma, and marginalization, which can all contribute to a higher risk of sexual assault.

I found the following statistics from the HRC bothersome:

• 44% of lesbians and 61% of bisexual women experience rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner, compared to 35% of heterosexual women
• 26% of gay men and 37% of bisexual men experience rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner, compared to 29% of heterosexual men
• 40% of gay men and 47% of bisexual men have experienced sexual violence other than rape, compared to 21% of heterosexual men
• 47% of transgender people are sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime
• Among people of color, American Indian (65%), multiracial (59%), Middle Eastern (58%), and Black (53%) respondents of the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey were most likely to have been sexually assaulted in their lifetime

When we discuss sexual assault, we tend to discuss the white, heterosexual female’s story. Think of every documentary, every book, every series you've seen involving sexual assault. I have yet to find one that focuses on a POC or member of the LGBTQIA+ community. (Of course, if you know of one, please let me know because I'm going to have to read/watch it).

I think it’s really important to remember that so many other people are experiencing sexual violence: people of color, people of different sexual orientations or gender identities, etc. Their stories deserve to be told as well.

Consent is Mandatory:

Let's talk consent. Some people in the world intend harm when they sexually assault or harass another human being; however, in many other cases, there is a lack of education about consent and what it looks like.

Ignorance is not an excuse, but educating our young people may prevent some sexual violence for future generations.

RAINN defines consent as an agreement between individuals to engage in sexual activity:

“When you’re engaging in sexual activity, consent is about communication—and it should happen every time. The laws about consent vary by state and situation, but you don’t have to be a legal expert to understand how consent plays out in real life.”

There are many different ways to ask for or give consent, and RAINN details a few of these: asking if something is okay when transitioning to a new activity in the bedroom, explicitly agreeing or giving affirmatives to certain activities, or using positive body language to signal your comfort to your partner. There are many more ways, of course, but it’s important to remember communication when asking for or expressing consent.

According to RAINN, Consent does NOT look like this:

• refusing to acknowledge “no” or other words that signify that your partner is not interested
• assuming certain behaviors (like flirting), clothing, or kissing are an invitation for more
• someone being under the legal age of consent
• someone under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol
• pressuring someone into sexual activity by using fear/intimidation
• assuming you have consent because your partner has given consent to you in prior situations

Different states have different definitions for consent, but RAINN defines three key legal terms regarding consent.

Affirmative consent: Did the person express overt actions or words indicating agreement for sexual acts?

Freely given consent: Was the consent offered of the person’s own free will, without being induced by fraud, coercion, violence, or threat of violence?

Capacity to consent: Did the individual have the capacity, or legal ability, to consent?

Capacity to consent involves many different factors. Whether or not a person has the legal ability to consent to sexual activity could be based on age, developmental disability, intoxication, physical disability, relationship of victim/perpetrator (was the perpetrator in a position of authority?), unconsciousness, and vulnerable adults (i.e. elderly or ill adult). To view specifics of these factors, visit RAINN.

If you take anything from this post, these are the points I want you to remember.

You always have the right to say “no.” Even if it is your significant other or you’ve previously been involved with sexual activity with them.

Someone who is drunk or high is incapable of giving consent. Even if they seem into it at the time, they cannot consent to sexual activity at that moment.

You can always change your mind. Consent is continuous, and if halfway through, you decide it’s no longer what you want — tell your partner. You have every right to stop.

Communication is key. Get comfortable asking for consent, and get comfortable providing it. Having open, healthy communication will truly benefit a healthy sexual relationship/encounter.

Remember you are not alone. If you need help, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org.

Lasting effects:

Let's talk about the effects of sexual assault. I've thrown a lot of statistics at you, but these men, women, and nonbinary individuals are not just numbers. They are real people who now have to live with these effects for the rest of their lives.

It’s important to remember that trauma affects everyone differently, but I still wanted to include how people struggle after sexual assault/abuse, and hopefully how we can help as well.

According to RAIIN, “Sexual violence can have psychological, emotional, and physical effects on a survivor. These effects aren’t always easy to deal with, but with the right help and support they can be managed.”

Common effects of sexual violence:

• Depression – Feelings of sadness and hopelessness are common for survivors, but if they persist for long periods and regularly affect normal thought patterns, it may be a sign of depression.
• Flashbacks – Flashbacks are when survivors feel or believe themselves to be back in their moment(s) of trauma. In other words, they feel as if their experience with sexual violence is happening all over again. Flashbacks can be triggered by a certain smell, sound, etc. It’s important to understand what triggers flashbacks, and how to come back from them.
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD is commonly associated with the military; however, anyone who has experienced trauma can develop PTSD. It’s normal for survivors to feel nervous, anxious, stressed, or fearful, but if these feelings are extreme and persist for long periods, it could indicate PTSD.
• Self-Harm
• Sexually Transmitted Infections
• Substance Abuse
• Dissociation – Dissociation is described as a “detachment from reality.” It is a common coping mechanism for those who have experienced sexual violence.
• Eating Disorders – Sexual violence can lead to problems with body image and self-esteem, which could feed into an eating disorder.
• Pregnancy – Each year, an estimated 32,101 pregnancies result from rape among adult women. Pregnancy resulting from rape can cause many mental and physical problems for the survivor.
• Sleep Disorders – Sleep is an important tool for mental and physical recovery from trauma. Sleep disorders could be accompanied by nightmares, insomnia, and/or sleep terrors.
• Suicide

According to RAINN, a child is sexually assaulted every 8 minutes in the United States. Adults that experienced sexual abuse as a child might still have feelings of guilt and blame, problems with intimacy and relationships, and problems with self-esteem. It’s important to remember that there is no set timeline for dealing with and recovering from a trauma.

The best thing you can do for survivors in your life is to believe them and be supportive. Support might look different for different people. My best advice is to let them know you are there for them, check in on them regularly, do not let them feel like their problem is a burden on you, and just ask them if there is anything you can do to help.

Recovery is a process. It takes time and patience, and there will be setbacks.

Survivors, stay strong and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You are not alone.

April is a month to bring awareness to sexual assault and try to fight against it, but we can’t forget about it once the month is over. This is an issue that is always important and prevalent in our society. What will you do in your attempt to support survivors and help stop sexual assault?

Resources for survivors:

• RAINN – What can you do to help during Sexual Assault Awareness Month?
• WOAR – Information and list of resources
• Self-Care After Trauma
• Lifeline Crisis Chat
• RAINN – Online Chat
• National Eating Disorder Association
• End Rape on Campus
• National Sexual Violence Resource Center
• The National Domestic Hotline – LGTBQ Relationship Violence
• Human Rights Campaign
• GLAAD – LGTBQ Resource List (General, Political, Youth, Bisexual, Transgender, Military, and Aging Resources)
• The Trevor Project – Suicide Prevention in LGTBQ Youth

Resources for friends and family:

• Tips for Talking with Survivors of Sexual Assault
• For Family and Friends of Men (who have experienced sexual violence)
• Self-Care for Friends and Family
• Talking to Your Kids About Sexual Assault

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Initially posted in a blog posts series on shelbymlarsen.wordpress.com