Does Perception Come with Consquences?

Are you looking at the sketch above and thinking "She can't draw" or "That body is offensive because it doesn't look like Barbie" or "Why did this writer just post a nude sketch?" ? If it's the last question, I can reply and explain that the nude sketch is an appropriate artwork for the topic of objectification, which is commonly discussed in feminist writing and also a topic of irritation between the sexes due to our human hypocrisies and contradictions.

There have been times when my male "friends" have pinched my buttocks or savagely grabbed at my breasts. I roll my eyes and shoot them a knowing look but I don't reprimand them or report them any further than this discussion. Some women think I'm the hypocrite and not a "real" feminist because I allow my male "friends" to act that way. It's a difficult balancing act, but I have come to terms with the contradiction within myself. I am a woman who wants to be respected with certain boundaries, but also a woman who desires and appreciates male attention. If I go an entire year without a man or a woman noticing or praising my bodacious breasts, that feels worse than some supposed "lack of respect" shown by the man brave enough to "cop a feel" and let me know that my bodacious boobs are still worthy of desire. You see how complicated it is to be a woman? That makes it complicated for men too.

In the movie "The Breakfast Club" (which I refer to often as the teens depicted in the detention group were archtypes in society trying to deal with heavy issues and societal pressures) the character John Bender (portrayed by actor Judd Nelson) attempts to discuss sexual tension and hypocrisies between the sexes. Of course, the teens are struggling to find their voice and vocabulary, but there is a conversation between Claire (played by Molly Ringwald) and John where they discuss if or how "sex" is used as a weapon. We already know that sex is used as a commodity by prostitutes and pimps, but SEX is a WEAPON too? John thinks so when he tells Claire "You use it to get respect." Claire, a virgin, demands that she doesn't use it for anything, but if she wasn't a "virgin" would she have had a different reply?

Any woman who has been a mother or a wife or a widow or a divorcee would probably have a different response than young "virgin" Claire who seemed a bit terrified of the conversation that John was instigating. I think most women want both, but it's difficult to breathe that into communication. Let me say it for young and old women: We want respect and to be desired. Is that an impossible request of men?

Groping at us can be considered offensive and scary, but when no one has noticed a woman or praised a woman's body for months or years, then groping seems like a compliment. To a 17 or 18 year old woman, groping at her seems like a threat because she knows she's young and sexy, and that kind of attention is going to be considered "disrespectful" because it undoes her sense of control over her own body and her life. She may not feel the same way in her 40s or 50s after years of being ignored, neglected, and forgotten by both sexes, especially if they've called her old, ugly, or fat, all shame words to make her think she is unwanted. Does that mean that the old, ugly, fat, unwanted lady doesn't want the same respect as the young, sexy, able-to-make-a baby woman?

It gets even more intense when the men come back at us with how we objectify them the same way they objectify us. Why did you pick the man with less money? Because he was sexier? Or why did you pick the man with more money when he was disrespectful to you? Was he sexier? If you chose one man over another because they were "sexier" weren't you just as guilty as the men we love to hate for objectifying women? Ouch, too much truth or can you handle this about both sexes? I mean really, if society is up for talking about how men are women and women are men in some trans conversation, can we not point out how hypocritical we are when we blame the other sex for what we both are guilty of?

Do you like my rhetorical approach or do you prefer confrontational finger pointing?

Whether you're a young woman who wants to be strong and intelligent or an older woman who already knows she is... Feminism is simply loving being a woman. In my opinion, all the other "fights" for feminism is just some extra garnish on a topic that we want to remain relevant.