Dear Me

Dear Me,

We are writing to inform you of your nomination for acceptance into the Strong Women Club. We understand your reluctance to accept this nomination, so before you reject it out of hand, please take the time to peruse our reasoning, as laid out below.

We should have done this long ago, but we had hoped that you would acknowledge your fitness for membership prior to this bold move. We feel that it is time to let you know that only you can make us whole.

In love and admiration,

Your Heart, your Spirit, and your Intellect

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Membership Requirements

Overcoming Adversity: Your childhood was tough. You cried yourself to sleep more nights than not, and still got up to face the day with courage. When your grandmother died you comforted your mother in ways she could never do for you. When your father visited you in the night you pretended it was a dream. When you were thrown into walls you picked yourself up. You didn’t realize it at the time, but you were such a resilient little thing.

When you escaped and were adrift, lonely and reckless, we know how many times you thought about it but didn’t. We know the places you went, the things you did, the people you shouldn’t have known, the bridges you walked. You’re still here.

When your husband betrayed and abused you in every way imaginable, you found the strength to leave and raise your children on your own. You still cried every night, but you woke up with a smile and a song for the two most important things in your life. We acknowledge and regret the many mistakes you made, but you kept moving forward, and kept trying to be better. You lived with poverty and panic and pain inside of cheap, concrete block walls, and were too tired to even wonder when things would get better, but you kept putting one foot in front of the other, day by day.

When people told you that single mothers were bound to raise kids with problems, you took those punches to the gut and stayed upright. You were ignored in restaurants, followed in stores, passed over for jobs, criticized and humiliated in small ways and large, but you didn’t stop.

Hard Work: Yes, every day was hard, but some were harder than others. You worked a full-time job as a bookkeeper, went back to college full time, and cared for your children all on your own. You didn’t even realize you were setting an example. You took on extra jobs before the side hustle and gig economy were even things. We know how many newspapers you delivered, your kids sitting patiently in the backseat. You became a writer.

You think that you should be defined by the days you mostly stayed in bed, burning through your sick days, telling the kids they could eat whatever they wanted as a treat. You’re wrong.

Motivating Others: You believe that motivating others requires leadership skills, or standing on a stage, or coaching people. You need to understand that it’s the little things that matter most. You always smile at people. When you ask how they are, you genuinely want to know. As your now grown-up children have long pointed out, you can’t leave the grocery store without talking to the clerks and asking how their day goes, and having a real conversation, however short. You compliment people and offer suggestions and advice when asked, or a shoulder when needed. You tell people when you are impressed by them, or admire them. Sometimes you deliberately go out of your way to make people feel good about themselves because you know how badly the opposite feels.

Maybe this doesn’t motivate people to conquer mountains, but maybe it motivates them for an hour or a day to keep moving forward, and maybe that’s enough.

Inspiring Others: We understand that you don’t believe this is a thing that you have done. We encourage you to re-read the above sections.

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Dear Heart, Spirit, and Intellect,

Thank you for the nomination. I think I will eventually accept, but I need to think about this a little more. There are so many women in the world who I admire and respect and who have done so much good for others. I think I get what you’re trying to tell me, though, that one doesn’t need to be a giant to be strong. But mostly, that I should love myself and forgive myself and maybe even admire myself. That’s a tough one, but I’ve come a long way and I’m working on it.

I love you all,

Me