Celebrating Womanhood

Celebrating Ourselves

March is recognised as Women’s History Month with 8th being known as International Women’s Day. As a friend said on the day, it is a day when a lot of people focus on negative statistics – assaults against women, intimate partner violence, pay disparities. All these things are important discussions. These are big discussions though, my friend’s thoughts turned mine to smaller but no less important matters.

I think we should celebrate the many things we as women achieve and not just on any grand scale, but for ourselves, the little things, goals we met, accomplishments we manage, things we tick off on our personal lists of things to do or try. This kind of celebration may well look different for each and every one of us (some days this may be as simple as getting up and having a civil conversation with someone).

I’m going to start this off – now this isn’t a list of things meant to make me feel bigger or better than anyone, nor is it designed to make anyone feel lesser. I think we have fallen into a dangerous trap of diminishing ourselves in order not to make others feel uncomfortable, or like they aren’t as good. It isn’t a competition, we have to stop thinking we need to compare ourselves to other women, we all have different places to fill in life and we should be allowed to let our personal lights shine when we can.

So for me – I have skills that I am proud to have. I can cook, bake, sew and knit – all skills I learnt at the feet of my mother. I have two degrees (including a masters) and a Cert IV – I worked hard to get these. I am a published author, an ability I constantly work to improve, an actress who has performed in two countries and have been an international speaker.

I have a wonderful family and while things aren’t always easy and perfect, we work together through it all.

I think I’m pretty good at my job.

I am fiercely loyal.

I have a pretty good life, I worked hard at it, on it, for it, and mostly I am happy where I am.

What my life isn’t, is perfect and always smooth sailing. At times I’ve struggled with depression, my job has taken a toll on my mental health. It is also generally agreed upon that I am undiagnosed on the neurodivergent spectrum somewhere – but I manage it and I’m not about to look for a diagnosis now. I am temperamental, and don’t have a lot of patience, especially when it comes to certain matters. I also struggle with my body image and grew up being bullied.

What I have learnt though is that these things in my life are manageable. How we do that is different for each of us.

The bullying made me build walls around my inner self that I didn’t let many people through. It also taught me that it is okay to be pissed at others for their actions but I can’t let that stop me doing what I want and being true to myself.

The body image thing – well that has resulted in me doing a photoshoot sans clothing for a fundraising calendar. I did it because it scared me to do and I won’t let fear like that take control. Do I resent my menopausal body for retaining fat no matter what I do? Sure. Mostly though I just wish the feminine ideal wasn’t skinny to the point of snapping in a strong wind, or only having the right sort of curves.

So that is me. Things that are good and not so good, but they make me, me.

We should all learn to embrace the awesomeness of ourselves.

Celebrating ourselves in this way, doesn’t mean going “I look great today”, or “I did something monumental”. It is knowing ourselves and working towards being the best person we can be in our circumstances and giving ourselves the grace to acknowledge that is pretty awesome.

So, take the time to celebrate yourselves in the comments. Now I want to celebrate some of the women in my life.

Amazing Women

My mother was an incredible woman who lost her life to cancer way to young. She never had the chance to meet most of her grandchildren let alone watch them grow. She would’ve loved that. She never knew me as a prison officer (not sure how she’d feel about that one) or as a published author (she’d have been proud of that one), she’d likely have been at my masters graduation to help me celebrate – that would have been nice.

Yes I lost her too young.

Yes I miss her still to this day.

No I don’t think of her everyday, but that doesn’t mean I miss her less.

Here is the thing though, I’m a very lucky woman. I had a mother who loved me, who modelled great life skills for me including the value of a little mischief. She was mourned by many. She was loved by more than her blood family.

But.

I have had the privilege of having some amazing women come alongside me in this journey of my life.

There was Barbara – our paths were meant to cross, she gave me an amazing opportunity and taught me many things, including improving my reverse parking, tenacity and that being an independent smart woman wasn’t something to shy away from. I am grateful for my time in her house and the relationship that developed - even over distance that relationship is still there decades later.

In my most recent book I thanked two women who are very special to me – which is probably what got me thinking about this. Marsha my theatre mum, and Kaye my work mum. I adore them both for what they have added to my life.

Let’s take it further though. I am not someone with the biggest circle of friends out there but somehow, I have managed to collect a great group of women around me.

Some closer than others – they are the ones I go to with my crazy problems, thoughts and stuff – yet they still go on holiday with me. Their support in so many aspects of my life is invaluable.

Then there are those a little further out that I still somehow have connected with, and I know my life is richer for having them in it. They are women who are full of encouragement and support – and sometimes rum. They are an eclectic bunch.

You know what they aren’t? They aren’t a drain; they don’t try to pull me down. They celebrate my successes as I hope I celebrate theirs. And it strikes me in this moment as I put pen to paper, that all my lamenting over the years of women being our own worst enemy – of women not caring about other women, only putting themselves first – is not my personal experience of the women I’ve collected in my life.

Yes, I’ve been mistreated by other women. I’ve had other women try to sleep with my husband. I’ve had women say shit about me because - according to some – they feel threatened by or are intimidated by me. Those sorts of things will always piss me off.

But I’ve also found those women are fleeting moments only in my life, and my frustration and anger at them burns hot. Then it fades and they are gone… Gone from my life to honestly not even being a passing foot note.

So here is to the fantastic women in my life, who everyday define what it is to be part of the true sisterhood. A group of support and helping each other be the best selves we can be.

You are amazing.

Thank you

Stay that way.

The Flipside

Let’s take a moment to reflect on the flipside of my awesome women segment. I want to take a moment to consider those women amongst us who just life to make life harder for others.

Do they know who they are? Probably not. Are they not self-aware? I mean I’d like to think they do but the truth is they are often so self-centred or self-obsessed, that they don’t likely look outside their own little worlds.

So why am I so annoyed about this topic right now? Especially after saying they are barely a footnote in my life after the fact.

In short – in the last six months I’ve had a couple of instances where other women have deliberately attacked me and tried to call into question my abilities and the essence of who I am. In both cases I have said I know I can be abrupt and if I do or say something that bothers you, please tell me.

Neither has.

One tried tears and verged on claims of bullying, even though I had bent over backwards to help them, and the other just wants to gossip and snipe at me behind my back, trying to undermine me professionally.

In both cases it is me who has to watch my step because pulling these people up about their behaviour comes with the potential of bullying allegations. It is a shit place we find ourselves when this is the case.

The thing is I know exactly who I am and though both these cases have caused me to doubt and question myself. So I’ve examined myself and done my best to push it all aside, to mentally tell them to F off, and just get on with it all.

The problem is these types of women are insidious and should be called out for their shitty behaviour.

I’ve been told that my being strong and confident is intimidating – WTF, not my intention – and it puts a target on my back. I don’t disagree with this given that is exactly what seems to have happened. My knowing and being confident in myself means other women want to pull me down.

The tall poppy syndrome is alive and well – not that I consider myself worthy of such a status.

Honestly I’ve had plenty of people tell me over the years that certain people probably speak to me the way they do because they feel threatened by me. I’ve never really got it because I don’t want what they have. I want my own thing and to carve my own path.

My two recent problems have not a damn thing I want, they are starting out their careers and I very definitely am not. Yet they both feel they have the right to try and bring me down.

Oh I want to shout and scream. But I won’t. I will use words. Words are my happy place. And I will used what limited platform I have to say – don’t be so pathetic.

To you who are dare I say a weaker personality – I didn’t judge you for that until you made it my problem. Get to know yourself and own who you are. Not everyone’s journey in life is the same. Nor should it be. But stop making excuses for what you can’t do, and own what you can. My life hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, I’ve freaking worked my ass off for what I have. You don’t have the right to take that from me because of your shortcomings.

To the person that wants to undermine me by trying to discredit me behind my back. Grow the F up. You aren’t competing with me in any way. You aren’t even in the same damn arena. You carry yourself like you think you are some kind of boss or bad ass, but your project so many of your insecurities in your pouting moments and reactive behaviours akin to a toddler throwing their toys out of the cot. Find your place in the world and be happy but it doesn’t need to be at the expense of others. You don’t need to tread on the heads and hard work of others to succeed. Though I suppose if your definition of success is a title or a crown – that may be part of it.

My definition of success is being good at my job, having a few good friends, a family who love me and pride in my accomplishments.

So here is where I spit in your eye.

You can’t take that stuff from me.

And should you try for my friends and family you will find loyalty amongst me and mine is more than just lip-service.

To others out there, don't let people like this dull your shine, you all deserve the chance to shine in your own way.

For the love of the sisterhood moving forward, let's support each other and blind the world with our amazing brilliance.