50-something women get hobbies

I love decorating - always have. The women of my family were good at many things especially cooking, shopping, and decorating. When we were little kids, we just had to go to school and we got to free-load and enjoy all the delicious meals and holiday magic that our mothers created all throughout the year. Year after year, until that horrible day: Graduation. Oh no! Now I'm officially an adult and I'm expected to know everything these amazing Divas know. Huh? Me? So I embarked on the quest of the job and apartment. I had a few good moments in my 20s. My little studio apartment in Hyde Park was thrifto-cute. My townhouse in North Tampa with my roommate Tammy was stylish and welcoming enough for visitors. My tiny pad in Keansburg, New Jersey was more affordable than glamourous, but definitely qualified the word "efficiency". Yet in all my 50 plus years of living here or there or anywhere, I've never really had a "home" that I could say was decorated to perfection.

Sometimes I look at those large advertisements from a furniture store like "Rooms To Go" and I wonder if that's how most people decorate their homes these days. Do they just move into a new condo or new house and order "Rooms to Go"? Seems too impersonal and stale to me. I had considered the career of Interior Decorator, but if the only decorators that get paid are the ones employed with "Rooms to Go" I must admit that I don't like that way of doing it. My mother always made the rooms in her house beautiful for every season and she did it piece by piece, day by day, month by month. She never ordered an entire room designed or decorated by another artist. Sometimes she'd buy art from various local artists and add that to her decor, but she considered each room her own personal palette, and she wasn't going to let another artist paint it for her. I was fortunate in my teens when she allowed me full artistic license with my bedroom --- but I had no say what-so-ever in any other room. I accepted that, but she was very disappointed in me the closer I got to high school graduation. She could not understand why I didn't love "our" house as much as she did. She thought that I should care for it as much as her since I was supposed to inherit the house after she passed away. I could not understand why she didn't understand that I could not love the house so long as she was the Artistic Dictator of the house. All I was really allowed to love about the house, was MY room.

I understood my mother better after living with a bunch of hippies in a huge party house. There were strangers in and out of that house all the time. There were more young men living there and only two women - my best friend and me. My best friend was focused mostly on her job and wanted out of there as soon as possible. I would try to keep that "hippie house" clean, but it was impossible because as soon as I'd clean it, the next day another party of "crazy" people would trash it. I didn't feel like I was "home" at all. I felt even less appreciated than a janitor.

While I was married and living in a rental condo, we had some roommates to share the costs with; However, most of the time our "home" was clean and quiet enough. Those were good times for us because we were both very employable and he still had enough physical strength to use his handyman know-how to fix things that would break (like our used cars or used appliances) and that was very cost-effective. He thinks that I wanted a divorce because I fell out of love with him and decided to hate sex. That's a comfortable lie that I shrug at because the truth is that after we got separate bank accounts and he no longer made repairs on damaged acquisitions, it felt like the strongest benefit of our marriage had already divorced us. After all the kids grow up, all that's left of a marriage is sex and money. If that's not there either, you're already divorced but just don't know it yet.

Anyway, this journal entry isn't about marriage or divorce. I'm just talking about how it feels to be a 50-something woman who has to deal with boredom and loneliness daily. What do we do now that we are "retired" and not punching the 9-5 Monday through Friday time clock? We used to complain that the two days of the weekend were not enough time to clean the house, do the laundry, shop, and go to church and relax. Now we have 7 days per week, and so much time on our hands we're gagging on boredom and loneliness, especially us divorcees or widows.

Hobbies. That's the only answer I ever found to combat loneliness and boredom which I have had to contend with for most of my 50 years regardless if I was employed or married or both. In the 20s, I loved clubbing and dancing. In the 30s, I loved bingo and bowling. In the 40s, I loved poetry and theme-parks. Now, in the 50s, I'm into crafts and entrepreneurial pursuits. Maybe no one cares about the stilly little Christmas card that I made out of pretty paper, but since I can't afford a new kitchen or a new car, I care about the silly little Christmas card. Maybe my ornaments are not crafted as slick and shiny as the ones pumped out of a machine, but my taste, talent, and heart went into it, and that makes it more valuable even if the price is a lot lower than what you'll find at your favorite holiday decor store.

My love and hobbies are a paradox on and off the shelf. You can find my love on the shelf collecting dust in a place comfortable enough to call home. Or you can buy some "love" on a store shelf where the price tells you how bad you want it. It doesn't matter what shelf you find that "thing" you're looking for. Get it from a factory machine or from Granny's lovely website, you're still a Hobby promoter.

I wrote cathartic poetry for 15 years hoping to find the empathy and/or compassion from a like heart. That pursuit never led to what I really wanted. I had to come to terms with loneliness and boredom all on my own and there really wasn't a cathartic method that could teach me or heal me. It's a human condition we all feel regardless of our ages. Loneliness and boredom seem more difficult to contend with after divorce, menopause, retirement, and empty nest --- All of which occurred to me right after the big 5-0!!! Ouch and ouch and ouch. I was going to learn to play the violin, but I've decided that making holiday greeting cards is still more my style.