What Went Wrong: Ding Dong, the 'Stros are GONE!

You know, we just witnessed a new tradition in Texas sports: being eliminated at home by teams who had no business getting in. First off, there was the Dallas Cowboys. Won the NFC East, finished second in the conference behind the Niners, and were at home facing a Green Bay Packers team that was held together by scotch tape and Elmer's Glue. What happened? Cowboys were decimated. Blown out at home by a seventh-seeded Packers team with a rookie QB. Clearly embarrassing, right?

Quoth the Houston Astros: "Hold my beer."

Remember when the Astros sucked to start this season? We sure had a laugh, didn't we? Then they started winning games in the last few months. They went on to win the American League West...again. We didn't laugh at that. Even so, something told us that we'd be laughing yet again. We figured it would come in the Division Series, or maybe, the Yankees would knock them off for the pennant. Some of us, myself included, thought, "I'll laugh my ass off if the Detroit Tigers knock off the Astros."

Cue the laughter, folks!

It only took two games. Two games! The Houston Astros were knocked off by a Detroit Tigers team who was just happy to be there and was full of young bucks. This was a Tigers team who threw in the towel this season. Yet they went into Minute Maid Park and read the Texas Rangers' playbook on how to burn it down, and did just that. The Astros were eliminated by a team who hadn't been to the postseason in 10 years, and hadn't won a series in 11 years. And with that, for the first time in eight years, the Astros will not play for the pennant. Hell, they won't even play for the right to play for the pennant!

As I continue to laugh at this pathetic excuse for a franchise, I'll state what went wrong for this team. It's simple. The Astros are riddled with allergies. They're allergic to winning a fair fight. Josh Hader is allergic to being clutch (he's also allergic to being tolerant towards POCs and LGBT, but that's another story). And there's one other allergy that's hit the Astros: they are allergic to winning at home in the postseason. Seven straight home losses in the postseason; a streak that began with Game Two of last year's ALDS, and is centered by last year's ALCS, where Houston lost all four of their home games.

It's been said that this year could be Alex Bregman's last with Houston. Bregman was part of 2017* and 2022 for this team, and regarding this short run, he had three hits, which led the team. The Astros only scored a grand total of three runs in this series. The Tigers' Andy Ibanez drove in three runs on one swing alone. None of Houston's three runs were driven in by Bregman. Jon Singleton, Yainer Diaz, and the little cheater himself, Jose Altuve, had one RBI each. Speaking of Altuve, he only had one hit in the series.

And then, there were eleven. The Detroit Tigers' magical run will continue on Saturday, when they began their American League Division Series matchup against the Cleveland Guardians. What happened to this year's Astros is karma and fate as their best. Hader getting knocked around and getting the loss in Game Two? That's karma. Michael Kay, the voice of the Yankees, getting to call the end of the Astros season on ABC? That's fate. The Astros being on the receiving end of one of the most embarrassing postseason oustings in baseball history? That's both. I had a feeling that this postseason would deliver a wild moment that would cause fits of laughter. Thank you so much, Tigers. You guys provided such an epic moment.

As for the Astros, they can just sit back and watch the real teams go at it this October.

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