I Just Teleported Back to 1990

What happens when you do the impossible? What happens when you finally slay that giant? Well, after your celebratory moment, you're left with a few questions such as, was what I accomplished a fluke? And can I do it again?

I'm pretty sure those are the same questions Buster Douglas asked himself after the parade and after all the balloons had fallen.

Can he do it again?! Can he slay another giant?!

Well, I'll save you some time reading. No, he couldn't but the event was still entertaining.

The fight was build as "The Moment of Truth" with a tagline that read, "Judgment Day Is Coming October 25th" on a very cool-looking poster.

James "Buster" Douglas, fresh off the hills of his landmark victory over "Iron" Mike Tyson, is now stepping into the ring to take on "The Real Deal" Evander Holyfield.

They did a good job of telling the stories of both fighters during the buildup to the bout.

Douglas, the unexpected champion, looking to "shock the world" once again but can his lighting strike twice?!

Can he prove that his victory over Tyson wasn't just a fluke victory but that he is indeed a legit champion?!

Then, you have Holyfield, the challenger, who was once a cruiserweight and now he's moving up to play with the big boys.

Is he big enough to handle the larger fighters?

Can his slender body withstand the repeated blows from heavier opposition?

You know, after all these years of hearing the term cruiserweight, I had no idea what weight range that was so I had to google.

Pretty much, it's just a fancier way of saying light heavyweight.

Win, lose or draw, Holyfield's not going to be starving anytime soon because he's expected to make a cool 8 mil for this fight.

Now that's what I call a good night's work.

Next, we see the camera pan around the crowd showing some of the celebrities attending the event.

We see Mel Gibson before he went insane in the membrane. 

The announcers say that Douglas weighed in at 246 lbs.

Nice to know that he's been enjoying the fruits AND meats of his labor and I'm not mad at him one bit.

They show Holyfield warming up in the back and he has a look in his eyes that could cut through granite. 

A video package is aired of some sports writers giving their predictions of the fight and by the looks of it, it's 50/50.

Good video with the 1980's softcore porno music playing in the background providing a nice touch.

Lou Duva, Holyfield's long time trainer and trainer to many other boxing stars, is featured here.

It's freaking beautiful wherever he is. The way the sun's shining down on him gives forth a feeling of peace and tranquility.

Now we hear from the challenger in the video piece.

This was back when you could actually understand what the hell Holyfield was saying. Well, sorta. I'll just put it like this, he was more coherent back in the day then what he is today. 

Ahhh, the 90's were such simpler time.

The Mirage was the chosen venue that hosted this bout. I was saddened to hear that it had been discontinued or whatever the term they use for expensive ass buildings they no longer use.

I guess they had no further use for a 50 acre, 630 million dollar building.

Ain't America great?!

Oh snap! Tony Danza’s at the fight. We all know who the boss is now!

Get it? Who’s the boss? Tony Danza was on a show called Who’s the Boss?.

Wow, that joke fell flatter then Douglas did in this fight.

Speaking of the aforementioned Douglas, the host mentions that Douglas is scheduled to make 24 million dollars.

Well, actually, it’s 24 million, 75 thousand dollars to be exact. Can’t forget about that 75 grand!

A video package of the champion airs next. 

I must say that who ever was in charge of the video editing did a mediocre job at best. I've seen 2nd graders with better editing skills using one of those VTech computers.

Seeing Douglas with his father and grandfather was pretty cool.

Also, Douglas was rocking one hell of a suit in the video. I need the number to that man's tailor, pronto. 

They mention that Douglas and his wife are expecting their first child.

Douglas says that he "wants to live a life like the Cleavers."

Gotta admire the big lug for wanting to live a life like a 1950's tv sitcom. Don't we all?!

Tonight's attendance number of the event is announced at 16,000.

16,000 fans? In an outdoor arena?

I just hope that they don't get a downpour because Bruce Willis and his toupée would be in a world of trouble.

I must mention that Bruce Willis is wearing a NY Giants cap so him and his toupée are protected. I stand corrected.

There was a guy sitting next to Bruce who looked a lot like John Lennon. Hmmmm, imagine that!

Bert Sugar with an awful prediction but his choice of hat is top-notch. He actually picked Douglas by KO in the 10th round because of his size advantage over Holyfield.

Jim Hill, the host, is obsessed with looking into these fighters eyes. 

Well, I can't tell you what Douglas is looking at but I can take an educated guess on what he's thinking about.

He's thinking about that fat ass 24 million dollar check he's going to receive after this bout.

The man's going to be rich for the rest of his life just as long as he manages it right. 

They pan out to the crowd of "celebs" once again and I don't know who any of those motherfuckers are. 

Dr. J's in the house and so is Chevy Chase as well and we have a Jack Nicholson sighting. Hereeeee's Johnnnyyyy. 

Well-renowned musician, Wynton Marsalis is introduced playing The Star Spangled Banner by trumpet. He did an excellent job as did his cello player.

I guess that was a cello he was playing. (Shrugs)

Something has to be said for the simplicity of this event and you're always going to score big with me when it comes to that.

Everything's so overproduced and over-the-top today that you grow to appreciate the little things.

Nowadays, these producers feel as though they can throw a shitload of money at everything and it's all good.

Sometimes, bigger isn't always better.

The production has been done well so far other then some minor gaffes involving the editing of the telecast. I also enjoyed the firework display they had before the fighter introductions. 

The only thing about the display is that it went on a tad too long. 

Who am I kidding? The fireworks show lasted longer then the fight.

Now time for the fighter introductions. Holyfield's out first.

Holyfield comes out to MC Hammer's Pray which is expected since he is a very religious man.

Holyfield doesn't look too happy here though.

He has this look on this face as if he's getting ready for a root canal rather then a prizefight.

They have a camera following him and his entourage to the ring and that light’s brighter then a 250 watt incandescent light bulb. 

And you know it's one of those Samsung camcorders which weigh around 333 lbs.

You'd have to have shoulders like Brock Lesnar to be able to tote that shit around.

Here comesssss the painnnnnnn….The painnnn in my backkkk! Ahhhh!

James "Buster" Douglas is now making his way to the ring.

His entourage is not a big fan of the camera and that bright ass light as you see them waving him out of the way. 

Now, there were some early signs of trouble for Douglas here and I'm not talking about his weight either but rather his in-ring music choice.

With all the music to choose from in that time period, he chooses that?!

I mean there was Public Enemy, The Geto Boys, Boogie Down Productions but he was like,

"Nah. Let me get that Paula Abdul "Straight Up, Now Tell Me" knockoff joint right there."

This fight is brought to by Budweiser, "this buds for you."

You remember that? I know I do.

The ring announcer is naming all 108,000 boxing presidents from organizations that nobody knows exist.

Oh I forgot to mention that Sugar Ray Leonard was brought in to be the special guest ring announcer.

Holyfield weighed in at 208 lbs. Wow! I had no idea he was that light. 

Douglas weighed in at 246 lbs. 15 pounds heavier then when he fought Tyson. 

He doesn't look too bad and he's not dry-boneded as the great George Foreman would say. 

I remember when George Foreman was doing color commentary and said that a fighter looked "dry-boneded."

Dry-boneded is a term coined by Foreman to describe a fighter who hadn't broken a sweat yet. Generally, fighters warm up a little bit in the back to break a sweat before the bout so if Foreman saw a fighter who's skin was dry then he knew that he hadn't done any kind of warmup thus was dry-boneded.

• Note to the editors out there. I know dry-boneded is not a word but that's what Big George said. If you have a problem with it then I suggest you take it up with him.

Mills Lane is the referee for this contest.

I wonder has anybody ever told Mills that he looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin's granddaddy. And that's the bottom lineeeeeee because IIIIIIII said soooooo.

The bell sounds and we're off to the races. Bout' damn time. (in an Allen Iverson font.)

Bob Papa and Ferdie Pacheco on the call.

Pacheco's talking about Douglas' body and says,

"you can see the jelly in particularly in his body's breast."

That's one hell of an analysis. LMAO!

First round is in the books. It was all Holyfield especially towards the second half of the round. 

You can tell that Douglas is going to get knocked out at some point in this fight. 

Douglas is trying but he knows he's outgunned in this one.

One of the Holyfield's cutmen has on some very nice jewelry. I wonder where he shops. 

The second round has started and it looks like Douglas is blown up already. He's flailing his arms a bit and his legs look wobbly.

Douglas sneaks in a few uppercuts while both fighters were clinched up. Looks like some frustration from the champion is coming to the surface. 

The second round has concluded and it was all Holyfield. 

Holyfield's looking more like the champion then the challenger in this one. His command of the ring and his composure have been superb.

Douglas' corner is very subdued. 

I think they know he has no chance of winning this fight and are just trying to be as positive as they can be considering the circumstance.

Holyfield with a knockdown early in the 3rd round which Douglas doesn't get up from. 

Let's see here. The fight started at 30:55 of the 56 minute video and ended at 40:03 so some quick math here brings the time of the fight to 9 minutes and 8 seconds.

9 minutes and 8 seconds?! The fighters individual intros were longer then that. 

Hell! The firework display was longer then the fight.

The knockout was very reminiscent of Buster’s knockdown of Tyson where he was searching for his mouthpiece throughout the streets of Tokyo.

Buster stayed down on the canvas for a while.

He was probably just trying to recover from all that exhaustion and from the punch Holyfield delivered to him. 

Holyfield is your new heavyweight champion at the tender age of 28 but that has to be the oldest-looking 28 year old I've seen since Bill Russell in 1962.

I have to agree with people when they say that people in the 90's looked so much more older then they do today.

Douglas is being consoled by his team.

I feel sorry for the guy but one thing that nobody can ever take away from him is that he was the first to flatten Kid Dynamite.

Plus, his team’s not playing around with that cameraman. That fool holding the camera better beat it before he gets KO’d.

Ferdie Pacheco conducts the post fight interview with Holyfield.

Douglas left the ring without giving an interview.

Shoutout to Pernell Whitaker and his high level energy. He was in Holyfield's corner for this fight. Rest well Sweet P.

Jim Hill is covering this event like somebody died. I've seen more smiles at a funeral.

Alright, enough of this horseshit. They're going to rip Douglas but he was the big winner here if you ask me.

24–8 and I ain't talking about Kobe. 

I'm talking about that paycheck and on that note, that's the end of tonight's telecast. Later peeps.