You Keep Using This Word Freedom

Sure, yes, we all grew up like Bruce here. Hands over our hearts first thing every morning in school. One nation, under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all.

Let's take a closer look at that liberty business as we prepare for yet another long patriotic holiday weekend, hmmm?

Here is exactly what you are free to do during your long holiday weekend, Bruce. You are free to get drunk and burn the hamburgers on the grill. Hell, the fact that you're free to do that in February says it all! What a great country. Then you and the Missus are free to hit the — ack — Presidents' Day sales at Walmart. You are also free to possibly blow your thumb off lighting one of the illegal cherry bombs you had Griffy pick up across the state line last week.

Nothing says Freedom-Loving Patriot like blowing up stuff, amiright?

Not to rain on your parade or anything, Bruce, but here are a few of the things you and everyone you know are not free to do.

Not this weekend. Not ever. Ready?

• Work your entire adult life and count on a secure retirement in your old age
• Access health care that doesn’t bankrupt you if you’re diagnosed with cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, an autoimmune disorder, diabetes, or — wait for it — Long Covid
• Know that wherever you live the water coming out of the kitchen faucet is safe to drink
• Be certain that once you've finished paying off the mortgage on your "castle" by the time you're 60, the place will still be worth what you paid for it
• Be secure in the knowledge that Bruce, Jr. and little Katie will be safe at school
• Know that even if the plant shuts down, you'll be able to find work and support your family
• Rest assured that your elected representatives are acting in your family’s best interest

And, Bruce? This is not even close to being a comprehensive list. So, let's ease up on the red, white, and blue this year, shall we?

Here’s a little secret that people in the United States of America — well, a lot of them anyway — don’t seem to be in on: We do not live in The Greatest Country in the History of the World. We are not free and any bravery we (and you, Bruce) possess is brought to bear in simply surviving one of the most rapacious and brutal forms of capitalism going.

Here’s another gem: The most powerful military in history hasn’t won a war in over seventy years. Yep, that’s your tax dollars at work, buddy.

While we’re having this little heart-to-heart, Bruce, it’s time for you to seriously consider that vasectomy. Given how tough little Katie’s birth was it’s not a great idea for you to go knocking the Missus up again. What? You hadn’t heard? Bruce, you need to pay better attention to these current events, my friend. No more abortions for the Missus unless you’re ready to chance a fast trip to Libtard land. Oh, and that vasectomy? Yeah, we’re talking a $300 co-pay for that little number.

And, yes. It hurts.

So, yeah, crack open that Bud and add some charcoal to the grill. Enjoy your three days away from the grind. But stop with the putdowns of those poor socialist bastards in Europe. Most of them can count on four weeks of paid time away from work every year, universal health care coverage, and reliable infrastructure.

Read it and weep, Bruce.

© Remington Write 2023. All Rights Reserved.