What I Learned Growing Up in a Cult

Earlier this week I was talking to a coworker about life. After a while, we somehow got on the subject of religion. I had to explain that I have an aversion to most organized forms of religion, having been raised in a church that at the time was very cult-like, and later after a split, the faction that stayed with the original leader went full cult. But that begs the question.

How does one define a cult?

The title cult is often applied to new religious movements, substance abuse therapy programs, MLMs, and almost any other group that governments or other sources of power feel threaten them. Fortunately, some academics have developed models for our use. One of these is the BITE model, developed by Doctor Steven Hassan, a survivor of the Unification Church.

The categories in Dr. Hassan’s model are behavior, information, thought, and emotional control. While every cult is different, and I didn't experience every aspect of Dr. Hassan’s model, I did experience or witness many of them.

Since I don’t have information on how litigious the church I was raised in is, for this article I will refer to them as The Church.

In the Church I was raised in, they focused on controlling behavior by regulating members’ reality, dictating where, how, and with who the members lived and associated, who members had sex, financial exploitation, major time spent with group indoctrination, requiring permission for major decisions, punishments used to modify behaviors, discouraging individualism, and imposing rigid rules.

As for information control, The Church engaged in, distorting information, minimized or discouraged access to non-cult sources of information, kept members busy so they didn't have time to think or investigate, compartmentalized information into Outsider vs. Insider doctrines, encouraged spying on other members( including making people “confess” to “sins” they had not committed), imposed a buddy system to monitor and control members, reported deviant thoughts, feelings, and actions to leadership(with deviant thoughts sometimes just being dissatisfied with the church), used unethical methods of confession, information about sins used to dissolve identity, and manipulation of memory.

With regards to thought control, The Church engaged in requiring members to internalize the group's doctrine, adopting the group's 'map of reality', deciding between good vs. evil, organizing people into us vs. them (insiders vs. outsiders), using loaded language and cliches, encouraged only 'good and proper' thoughts, rejected rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism, they forbade critical questions about leadership, doctrine, and policy, they labeled alternative belief systems as illegitimate, evil, or not useful(including other Christian denominations).

Lastly, with emotional control, The Church focused on manipulating feelings, labeling some emotions as evil, wrong, or selfish, they encouraged members to feel that their problems were their fault, never the leader's, or the group's fault, they promoted feelings of guilt, they liked to instill fear, particularly the fear of losing one's salvation, leaving or being shunned by the church, and disfellowship, ritualistic and sometimes public confession of sins, shunning of those who left; fear of being rejected by friends and family, they never saw a legitimate reason to leave, those that did leave were labeled as weak, undisciplined, unspiritual, worldly, brainwashed by family or counselor, or seduced by money, sex, or a return to sin.

So how does this relate to life in the 21st century?

Short answer: most of what we call society in the 21st century functions increasingly within the same framework as most cults.

Long answer: since the beginning of the 20th century those in power( governments, businesses, religious organizations, etc) have strived to increase their control over the daily lives of the average person. This ability has come along with a persistent increase in the means to technologically surveil the world’s populace. With this increased surveillance has come more and more draconian laws that strive to control every aspect of our lives. And where laws can’t be applied, highly restrictive user agreements and forced arbitration.

Any law that cannot be enforced functionally does not exist. Thus, we are in an age with an unprecedented number of laws, as the ability to enforce them is unmatched by earlier generations.

So, how do you survive in the modern world?

First Rule: Be careful what you say and who you say it to.

This is not advocating self-censorship. Rather it’s more of just being aware of what you’re saying and who your audience is. Also, learning how to say something without saying it explicitly is an important skill to have. This can be accomplished through the creative use of words, or more importantly, learning how to communicate with your body.

This is imperative for survival in many places in modern society, as long gone are the days of simply moving somewhere and starting over. In the modern world, people feel it is their responsibility to monitor what others are doing and saying and to report that to someone or everyone. We now live in a world where we are constantly surveilled. Even in our most intimate moments, unless you remove every device, there is something always there, watching.

Second rule- Find a network

I’ll admit, this is where I struggle the most. For me, it’s a product of having moved a lot, especially when I was younger. This has left me with a lot of people I know or have known, but not a whole lot that are close to me or that I’m close to. And the people that I tend to get close to usually have a background as strange as mine.

With that said, finding and building a social network is crucial to your survival in the modern era. Unfortunately, most of modern life is built on logistical systems that the average person has no chance of ever controlling. Think about how much of what you eat, use, or own was created by you. Nearly nothing for most people in this world.

Even the maintenance and repair of everyday items have become either so complex or so cost-prohibitive that it’s often cheaper to replace the item than fix it. The worst part of this is that it is contributing to ever rapid decline of the world.

The control of information and resources is now the primary mode of economic activity in the developed world. With the majority of manufacturing being shipped overseas, the very people who were forced off their farms are now being forced out of the factories they’ve slaved in for generations. Because of this, nearly all knowledge needed to live outside of the system has been forgotten.

That is why it will be imperative to develop a network now. A base of family, friends, and reliable acquaintances who know how to maintain the things necessary to sustain life. One of the worst positions to be in is to be released into the world with minimal knowledge and no one to help. This was the unenviable position I found myself in earlier in life.

How does one find a network?

Simple, sort of. Go do the things you enjoy. I know this might sound odd, as the things that a lot of us enjoy get more expensive each year. But that’s where it might be time to find new, and possibly healthier hobbies.

Too many of us nowadays strive for ephemeral rewards. We sit in our homes and play hours of video games to get awards that don’t translate to the real world. This is not to say it is wrong to enjoy these hobbies but to strike a better balance between the inner and outer world. Having a reliable network is also how one can avoid being drawn into a cult.

Third Rule- Question Things

Most often the phrase is “question authority” or “question reality.” However, people often don’t stop to question their own beliefs or assumptions about reality or the world. It is this that is imperative as society becomes more cultish.

One must question their beliefs and the source of those beliefs, as we have entered an era of unprecedented propagandization. While the traditional sources of propaganda of the church and state are still alive and well, we also have newer sources, such as social media and self-generating propaganda within other online communities.

These have led to much violence and suffering. Thus it is important that we question the things we believe, and why we believe them. Who wants us to believe them? And why do they want us to follow their ideology?

Fourth rule: Prepare to Have No Support

Few cults make it past the self-destruction stage. And even when they do, there are often schisms that break up the initial cult. We see this in the fracturing of major religions that were once small groups. Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and Buddhism all have multiple sects. It is no different when societies break apart. Balkanization is unfortunately the end of any cult or society of sufficient size.

With the breakup of societies comes a significant drop in support. This is the same thing that those who leave cults often experience. Thus it is time to make moves that make you less dependent on the current system. This can include starting a garden( especially a community garden), and finding livestock that you can grow or at least take part in a coop.

While this is not a conclusive list of how to survive after leaving a cult, or how to survive in the future, I hope it helps. I may add more later, so check back for an updated version.

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