Welcome to Canada!
How to be a province or territory in the Great White North!
Congratulations! Welcome to Canada!
We are so glad that you have decided to make this momentous decision at a point in history when the relationship between our two nations has never been so fraught and awkward. We are beyond pleased that you have chosen us for your next step towards real independence and self-direction. This is a simple guide to show you which steps to follow as you become a part of the fabric of the Great White North.
The weather!
Yes, we are notorious for the climate, and the incredible drama that takes place between the summer months which are most pleasant, and the winters which can test even the hardiest souls. But you too have your own extreme changes of weather and may find that you can accept how harsh things may be for half the year. Please remember: our winters always end and the promise of summer is worth it. Your states will enjoy it!
The money!
Yes, it is real and it is now much stronger with such allies like you and yours joining us. And did you notice how easy it is to separate your bills and coins when you do not have to read but simply notice the reds, blues, browns, purples, golds and greens of the change in your purses and wallets? You may miss the greenbacks, but you are now part of a trend that is worldwide. Congratulations on your citizenry accepting this!
The people!
Yes, we Canadians are notorious for being polite, and you will find that your own behaviour will change as you are exposed to our nation and its people. We have found that it is much better to get along with each other in our day-to-day lives instead of simply knocking the other person down because we simply do not like how they voted in a particular election. The weather might play a role in this... Be prepared!
The sport!
You know what I am about to discuss here, don't you? Hockey! Our beloved national sport was once ours alone, and over time we neglected our commitment to the game. Your nation began to win our beloved Stanley Cup with some of our best talent (Gordie Howe and Bobby Orr were early signs of a growing problem). All of our best confrontations take place on the ice and we know that we can leave all our grief and rage in the arena. Perhaps a growing industry for you and your people could be making ice skates, hockey sticks and new teams. We can absorb it all!
The reputation!
Ever since the announcement, you might have noticed how your reputations have grown around the world. From Europe and Africa, and through Asia and the Pacific Rim down through Australia into South America, your decisions to secede from the United States and become either provinces or territories of Canada was praised and admired, and it led to a repositioning of policies and laws that certain (ahem) media figures did not anticipate. You no longer have to pretend to be one of ours by having one of our flags stitched into your luggage. And we never thought that the states containing Hollywood, Broadway, Wall Street, and the home of the first American primary would be willing to make such a jump, but now that you are here, the future is bright!
Welcome Californitoba, New New Yorkistan, and New New Hampshirio!
Note: we have received proposals from other states and we will consider the matter after the final trial takes place for the former Commander-in-Chief. The ratings are excellent, but these things could go either way. We would not like to be too rash with our invitations and see you all feel compassion and pity for a man who obviously did not deserve to be given such power.
All new extensions of our land below the 49th-parallel are pending.
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About the Creator
Kendall Defoe
Teacher, reader, writer, dreamer... I am a college instructor who cannot stop letting his thoughts end up on the page. No AI. No Fake Work. It's all me...
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Lapdogs vs. Watchdogs
What a week. I am up in Montréal, safely across the border from those nasty Americans and their wicked ways. The groundhogs have spoken...and we cannot make up our minds about it. The tariffs were dropped this weekend and officially, we are in the middle of a trade war. This feels like it will continue for some time since the chief occupier of the Oval Office only has two modes: you either win or you lose (his multiple bankruptcies seem to confirm this theory). And he does not want to face the truth: one of the countries he decided to hit over the nose with a newspaper is not as kind as he proposed.
By Kendall Defoe 11 months ago in The Swamp
Ultra-Orthodox Fury Over Military Enlistment Turns Deadly in Israel
Tensions surrounding military enlistment in Israel have erupted into deadly violence, exposing one of the country’s deepest and most persistent social divides. At the heart of the crisis lies a long-standing exemption that allows many ultra-Orthodox Jewish men, known as Haredim, to avoid compulsory military service in order to pursue full-time religious studies. As Israel faces prolonged security challenges and an overstretched army, efforts to enforce broader enlistment have ignited anger, protests, and, most recently, fatal clashes. A Longstanding Divide in Israeli Society Military service is a defining institution in Israel. For most Jewish citizens, compulsory enlistment is seen not only as a legal duty but as a moral obligation tied to national survival. However, since the country’s founding, ultra-Orthodox communities have largely been exempt, based on the belief that Torah study contributes spiritually to the defense of the state. Over time, this arrangement has become increasingly controversial. The ultra-Orthodox population has grown rapidly and now represents a significant portion of Israeli society. Many secular and religious-Zionist Israelis argue that the exemption places an unfair burden on those who serve, particularly during times of heightened conflict. Calls for equality in service have intensified as reserve soldiers are repeatedly mobilized and casualties mount. Renewed Push for Enlistment Recent court rulings and political pressure have pushed the government to reconsider blanket exemptions. Israel’s Supreme Court has ruled that prolonged unequal treatment in enlistment is unconstitutional, forcing lawmakers to draft new policies. As a result, authorities began issuing draft notices to ultra-Orthodox men who had previously been shielded from service. This shift was perceived by many Haredi leaders as an existential threat to their way of life. They argue that military service undermines religious devotion, exposes young men to secular influences, and weakens tightly knit religious communities. Influential rabbis urged followers to resist enlistment, framing the issue as a spiritual battle rather than a civic dispute. Protests Turn Violent What began as demonstrations quickly escalated. Large crowds of ultra-Orthodox protesters gathered in several cities, blocking roads, clashing with police, and setting fires. Tensions reached a breaking point when confrontations turned deadly, with reports of serious injuries and at least one fatality linked to the unrest. The violence shocked the nation. While protests against enlistment are not new, the deadly outcome marked a dramatic escalation. Security forces responded with riot control measures, arrests, and road closures, further inflaming tempers within already volatile communities. Political Fallout and Public Anger The deadly clashes have placed immense pressure on Israel’s political leadership. Coalition governments often rely on ultra-Orthodox parties for parliamentary support, making decisive action politically risky. Critics accuse leaders of prioritizing coalition survival over national unity and equality. Public anger has surged, particularly among families of soldiers currently serving. Many argue that continued exemptions erode social cohesion and undermine trust in state institutions. Social media and opinion columns are filled with calls for universal service, while others warn that forcing enlistment could tear the social fabric even further. The Ultra-Orthodox Perspective From within the Haredi community, the crisis is viewed very differently. Many see state enforcement as persecution of religious life. Community leaders insist that Torah study is a sacred duty equal to military defense, and they reject narratives portraying them as unwilling to contribute to society. Some ultra-Orthodox citizens do serve in specialized military units designed to accommodate religious practices, but these programs have not been widely embraced. Skepticism remains high, fueled by fears of cultural erosion and loss of autonomy. A Nation at a Crossroads The deadly turn in protests underscores how unresolved the enlistment issue remains. Israel is grappling with fundamental questions: How can it balance religious freedom with civic equality? Can a society under constant security threat afford exemptions for a growing population? And is compromise still possible after violence has entered the equation? Experts warn that without meaningful dialogue, the situation could worsen. Some propose alternative national service options for ultra-Orthodox men, while others advocate gradual integration rather than abrupt enforcement. Trust-building measures, they argue, are essential to prevent further bloodshed. Conclusion The deadly unrest over military enlistment is more than a policy dispute—it is a reflection of Israel’s struggle to reconcile tradition, security, and equality in a rapidly changing society. As the nation mourns the loss of life and confronts rising divisions, the challenge ahead is clear. Finding a solution that respects religious identity while ensuring shared responsibility may be one of Israel’s most critical tests yet. The outcome will shape not only the future of military service, but the cohesion and character of the country itself.
By Fiazahmedbrohi 4 days ago in The Swamp
Comments (14)
Ha! I honestly wouldn’t mind! This line made me laugh - “You no longer have to pretend to be one of ours by having one of our flags stitched into your luggage.” I did consider trying this when I went to France, but my inability to understand French would give me away. 🤣 In my defense I didn’t have much time to prepare before my trip and I took Spanish in High School.
This is so so good! I love the satire dripping with civic pride, I can practically taste the maple syrup! This is a great piece ✨🍻
I've recommended this as a Top Story On Raise Your Voice here https://shopping-feedback.today/resources/raise-your-voice-thread-02-20-2025%3C/span%3E%3C/span%3E%3C/span%3E%3C/a%3E%3C/p%3E%3C/div%3E%3C/div%3E%3C/div%3E%3Cdiv class="css-w4qknv-Replies">
A great recommendation
Well written. I'm with you on this one...eh?
I see only one drawback to my not moving to Canada. Weather. Yes, I miss the winter, but I am not sure what my body will say to that😏
Haha. Yep. That's the way to do it.
Haha this great. Definitely gave me a good laugh at the state of things. My girlfriend is hoping to move up here later this year (something we've been working on for a bit, so not because of the everything - though it did give an extra little push), so I'll have to share some of these tips with her. :P
Awesome read. Great work.
Lol, this was an interesting read.
You forgot Canadian comedy lol
It is indeed tempting, my friend. But someone has to stay to throw away the key once he's finally locked up.
lol I will have to read the Greens views on adding territory This was well done and I’m sure it will be well received by our friends in the south
lol, interesting