We are tired

Yet another black person killed by the police for no other reason than that the colour of his skin was seen as justification for him to be murdered. What can I say that has not already been said countless times over? Black people have been using our voices from the slavery abolitionist movement to the civil rights movement to modern day lynchings. Our voices seem to have fallen on deaf ears and my voice is hoarse from screaming. I have expended my energy and time having long conversations with people for them to understand just a miniscule fraction of what black people experience. I am exhausted from second-hand trauma. I come on social media and see several videos of people who look like me slain in the streets, in their homes, in a shop, with callous indifference. Imagine what does that to someone mentally. Relentless images of violence against black bodies, the same calls for justice and the same inaction. Nothing seems to change. And it leaves me with a feeling I know a lot of other black people can relate to – an indescribable mix of despair, helplessness, disgust, anger, frustration, but also numbness and confusion. It’s hard to muster the energy to have to explain why black people are people too and deserve to live. I wanted to refrain from posting anything because I am drained and have already privately discussed with those close to me. But to do my little part in this fight for change I decided to finally write something.

But it gets tiring.

It’s tiring, draining and distressing to constantly see people with the same skin colour as yours be killed because the killers don’t care about their lives. It’s deflating and frustrating to see the murderers go unpunished. It’s even more disheartening to see several people make excuses to justify the murder and praise the loss of life. And it’s shocking to see people value property more than a black life. From a young age, black children absorb these messages that they are less, they are an ‘other’, they are undesirable, they are not beautiful, that they must change or show that ‘they’re not like other black people’. Black children do not get the luxury of an innocent childhood because racism rears its ugly head and snatches innocence away. Philando Castile’s four-year-old daughter watched her father get killed then had to console her mother who was handcuffed at the back of a police car. Four years old.

I am just going to stop here because this a topic that has spanned years and cannot be summarised in a single, short post. I will end by repeating what I recently said to a friend:

Racism is not just about individual cases of overt discrimination. It includes microaggressions, subtle dog-whistle remarks, the (subconscious) prejudices people have. It includes staying silent and supporting the systems which continue to subjugate black people. It includes enjoying and consuming black culture whilst being indifferent about the issues black people face. Being ‘not racist’ is not enough. This is not the time to gloss over statements about police brutality and murder. This is not the time to back away and stay neutral because you feel uncomfortable. Momentary discomfort is nothing compared to what black people face throughout our lives. You must be actively anti-racist and speak up. Do something. Silence and neutrality only helps the oppressor.

Author: Ama Appiah