Wankers in Power

Let’s not beat around the bush here: American politics has become the world’s longest-running reality TV show, and its main stars—Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and Kamala Harris—are absolute wankers. And I mean that in the most non-partisan way possible. You can’t look at this trio and tell me with a straight face that they’re somehow the best the United States could offer up. The rich wankers of American politics have no idea what it’s like to be a regular person, and worse still, they’ve set the tone for how the rest of the Western world conducts itself.

But here’s where it gets more painful—despite the US being a political dumpster fire, Australia, the UK, and other Western nations have decided to follow America’s lead like a bunch of clueless schoolchildren copying the dumb kid’s homework. The American political system has turned into a madhouse, and yet we’re treating them like they’ve still got all the answers. Spoiler alert: they bloody well don’t.

Trump: The Wanker Who Broke Politics (Or Did He?)

Ah, Trump. Where do we even start with this guy? Whether you love him or hate him, one thing’s clear—he bulldozed his way into American politics like a man possessed. He wasn’t a politician but a brand, a walking, talking advertisement for himself. In some twisted way, his whole presidency was a marketing campaign. “Make America Great Again” was the slogan, but for Trump, it was more like, “Make MeGreat Again.”

Here’s the thing about Trump: he’s a wanker of epic proportions, but you can’t deny that he tapped into something real. People were fed up with the establishment, tired of politicians who promised the world but never delivered, and Trump came along like a wrecking ball. He didn’t play by the rules, and for a lot of people, that was exactly what they wanted.

And, in some ways, it worked. Under Trump, the economy wasn’t a complete disaster. Unemployment hit record lows, the stock market was booming, and he managed to renegotiate trade deals that had been screwing over American workers for years. But, and this is a big “but,” he did it all while turning the country into a massive social and political tinderbox.

Every day with Trump was a new headline, a new controversy, a new scandal. It was like living in a soap opera where the main character couldn’t stop throwing matches at a pile of gasoline. And then, of course, there was the whole January 6th thing—because why wouldn’t the finale of Trump’s presidency involve a bloody insurrection? He claimed to be the voice of the people, but let’s be real—he was mostly the voice of his own ego.

The sad thing is, as much of a wanker as Trump was, he wasn’t entirely wrong about one thing: the political establishment in America (and, let’s face it, everywhere else) is corrupt to the core. Trump didn’t drain the swamp; he just showed everyone how murky and disgusting it really was.

Biden: The Sleepwalking Wanker

And then there’s Joe Biden, the man who was supposed to swoop in and “heal” America after the chaos of Trump. Biden’s presidency was pitched as a return to normalcy, but what we got was a return to mediocrity. Biden isn’t a wrecking ball like Trump, but he’s just as much of a wanker, albeit in a different way. Where Trump was bombastic and brash, Biden is tired and out of touch. It’s like having your granddad as president, except instead of napping on the couch, he’s napping in the Oval Office.

Biden’s whole schtick was that he’d bring people together, fix the economy, and restore America’s standing on the global stage. But here’s the thing: he’s done none of that. The economy’s in tatters, inflation is through the roof, and instead of uniting America, the country is more divided than ever. The guy can’t even get through a press conference without looking like he’s just woken up from a 20-minute nap. And let’s not pretend Biden’s some harmless old man who’s just trying his best. He’s been in Washington for half a century. He’s as much a part of the swamp as anyone.

The truth is, Biden’s presidency has been one long, slow-motion train wreck. From the botched withdrawal from Afghanistan to the ongoing struggles with inflation, Biden has proven himself to be woefully unprepared for the job. He’s not leading the country—he’s just keeping the seat warm. And the fact that the media treats him like some kindly old grandfather who’s doing his best is infuriating. Biden is a career politician who has made dodgy deals and looked the other way when it suited him. And yet, because he’s not Trump, he gets a pass. But let’s not kid ourselves—he’s a wanker, plain and simple.

Harris: The Token Wanker

Now we come to Kamala Harris, the vice president who was supposed to be the future of the Democratic Party, the progressive voice who would steer America into a brighter tomorrow. Except... where the hell is she? Since taking office, Harris has been about as visible as a ghost at midday. The only time she seems to pop up is to laugh awkwardly through interviews or give vague, noncommittal answers to serious questions. She was handed the massive task of handling the US-Mexico border crisis—a pretty big deal—and she’s done precisely nothing about it.

The problem with Harris is that she’s all style and no substance. She was picked as Biden’s running mate because she ticked all the right boxes—first female vice president, first Black vice president, first South Asian vice president. And look, fair play to her for breaking those barriers. But what has she actually done since taking office? Not much.

She’s more of a political PR move than an actual leader, and it shows. Her speeches are filled with platitudes and empty promises, and whenever she’s faced with tough questions, she dodges them like Neo in The Matrix. Harris is supposed to be the next in line for the presidency, but right now, she’s looking more like a placeholder than a future leader. She’s a token wanker, and the worst part is, no one seems to care.

Why the Rest of the Western World Follows These Wankers

Now, here’s where things get even more painful. Despite the fact that Trump, Biden, and Harris have turned American politics into a complete circus, the rest of the Western world—including Australia and the UK—keeps following their lead like lost little lambs. It’s like we’ve collectively decided to ignore all the warning signs and blindly follow America down whatever insane path they’re heading. Why? Because America is the so-called “leader of the free world,” of course. But what happens when the leader is a wanker with no idea where they’re going? You end up following them straight into the abyss.

Take Australia, for example. We’re in the middle of a massive cost-of-living crisis. Interest rates are through the roof, inflation is making everything more expensive, and the average Aussie family is struggling to make ends meet. And what’s our government’s response? “Tighten your belts,” they say, as if that’s going to magically solve everything.

It’s the same nonsense we’ve been hearing from politicians for years. They’re sitting pretty with their fat salaries and cushy jobs, while the rest of us are left wondering how the hell we’re going to keep the lights on. And instead of looking inward and finding solutions that work for Australia, we keep looking across the Pacific to the US, like they’ve got all the answers.

But the truth is, America doesn’t have the answers. Their economy is teetering on the brink of collapse, and their political system is more broken than a smashed Avo toast at brunch. So why are we still following their lead? It’s like we’re in an abusive relationship where we keep coming back for more, even though we know we’re getting screwed over.

Australia’s Rate Hikes and the Cost-of-Living Crisis

Let’s dive deeper into the absolute shitshow that is Australia’s current economic situation. The Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA) has been raising interest rates like they’ve got a personal vendetta against anyone who dares to own a home. Mortgages are skyrocketing, and for renters, it’s no better. Landlords are jacking up rents faster than you can say “rip-off,” passing their increased costs straight down the line.

But it’s not just housing—everything is going up. Groceries, petrol, utilities—you name it. Inflation is out of control, and the average Aussie is being squeezed from every direction. Yet, our politicians are acting like it’s business as usual. Their solution? “Tighten your belts.” It’s patronising, condescending, and completely out of touch with reality.

Let me tell you something: people have already tightened their belts so much they can barely breathe. Families are struggling to put food on the table, and the government’s best advice is to “cut back” and “save more.” Meanwhile, the rich are getting richer, corporations are raking in record profits, and the people who actually need help are being left out in the cold.

Inflation Isn’t the Real Problem—Corporate Greed Is

The government loves to point the finger at inflation whenever things go tits-up, but here’s the reality: inflation isn’t the real problem. It’s just the symptom of a much bigger issue—corporate greed and a government that’s too spineless to do anything about it.

The big corporations are making record profits while passing all their increased costs onto the rest of us. Every time you go to the shops, you’re paying more because these companies are jacking up prices to protect their bottom line. Meanwhile, wages have barely moved in years, and the average worker is being asked to do more with less.

The real issue isn’t inflation—it’s that we’ve let corporations run rampant while the government stands by and watches. Housing has become a speculative market for investors, wages have stagnated, and people are being priced out of their own cities. Inflation is just the latest excuse for why things are going wrong, but the truth is, the system has been rigged for years.

And what’s the government’s brilliant solution to all of this? Raising interest rates. It’s like trying to fix a leaky roof by setting the house on fire. Raising rates is only making things worse for the average Aussie. It’s making it harder for people to borrow money, buy homes, or even start businesses. But instead of addressing the root causes of the problem, the government is just throwing its hands in the air and blaming inflation.

The GST Fix—A Simple Solution That’s Being Ignored

So, what’s the solution? Well, one obvious fix is to drop the bloody GST. For those who don’t know, the Goods and Services Tax (GST) is 10%, and it’s slapped on just about everything you buy. Groceries, petrol, utilities—you name it, you’re paying an extra 10% in tax. In the middle of a cost-of-living crisis, that extra 10% is hitting people where it hurts.

Dropping the GST—even temporarily—would give Aussies some much-needed relief. It wouldn’t fix everything, but it would take the edge off. People are struggling, and cutting the GST would lower the cost of essential goods and services. But do you think the government’s interested in that? Not a bloody chance. They’re too busy holding onto their revenue streams to give people a break.

Instead, they’re telling us to “tighten our belts” and “be responsible with our money.” As if that’s going to magically solve the problem. It’s condescending and out of touch, and it’s exactly what you’d expect from a bunch of rich wankers who’ve never had to worry about paying the electricity bill.

The Media: Parroting American Nonsense

And let’s not forget the role the media plays in all of this. Turn on the news, and it’s like you’re watching a live feed from the US. Every other headline is about American politics, American scandals, or American culture wars. Meanwhile, the real issues facing Australians—housing affordability, healthcare access, Indigenous rights—are barely getting a mention.

We’ve become so obsessed with what’s happening in America that we’ve forgotten to pay attention to what’s going on in our own backyard. The media’s more interested in covering the latest tweet from some US senator than reporting on the cost-of-living crisis that’s affecting millions of Aussies.

But it’s not just about what they’re reporting—it’s about how they’re reporting it. The media has bought into the same American-style rhetoric that’s been driving politics for years. They’ve adopted the same sensationalist, partisan style of reporting that dominates US news, turning every debate into a culture war and every disagreement into a crisis.

It’s no wonder people feel more divided than ever. The media is constantly stoking the flames, whipping up outrage over issues that don’t even affect most Australians. Instead of focusing on real, practical solutions to the problems we face, they’re too busy trying to mimic the chaos happening across the Pacific.

Fear of Being Left Behind

So, why do we keep following America, even when it’s clear they’re a complete mess? The answer is simple: fear. Australia, the UK, and most of the Western world are terrified of being left behind. America is the cultural, economic, and military superpower, and we’ve convinced ourselves that staying in their good graces is the only way to stay relevant on the global stage.

But here’s the truth: while America stumbles through political chaos, economic downturns, and social unrest, we’ve allowed ourselves to be dragged down with them. Instead of charting our own course, we’ve hitched our wagon to a horse that’s running itself off a cliff.

We’ve become the desperate sidekick who sticks with the popular kid even though it’s clear they’re on the verge of self-destruction. We’re so scared of being left out that we’ve lost sight of our own identity and priorities.

But here’s the thing—Australia doesn’t need to follow America’s lead. We’ve got the resources, the brains, and the potential to forge our own path, one that works for us, not just for the benefit of the US. But we’ve got to let go of this fear of being left out and start focusing on what works for Australia.

Conclusion: Time to Lead, Not Follow

At the end of the day, Australia—and the rest of the Western world—needs to stop blindly following America and start thinking for itself. We’re in the middle of a cost-of-living crisis, and instead of copying America’s broken political and economic system, we need to focus on what works for us. Dropping the GST, addressing corporate greed, and fixing the housing market are just the first steps.

We need leaders who aren’t afraid to make tough decisions, cross party lines, and put the needs of the people first. We need politicians who care more about solving problems than scoring political points. Most importantly, we need to stop looking to America for answers—because, frankly, they don’t have any.

Until we stop playing follow-the-leader with a country that’s spiralling into chaos, we’re going to keep ending up in the same mess, over and over again. It’s time for Australia—and the Western world—to forge its own path and start looking after its own people. Because we deserve better than the nonsense we’re getting from America’s political circus.