"Is the State of the World Really Making People Choose a Child-Free Life?"

Does this sound familiar?

People are not having children because they are worried about the state of the world. About climate change. About governments that push a babies-at-all-costs agenda only to leave parents in the dirt when it comes to the nitty-gritty reality of actually raising a child.

Some people call this being childfree by infliction, and it absolutely happens. There are people who have decided that, even if they wanted them, they won't have children because of external circumstances.

But it turns out, it's less common than we are often led to believe.

I didn't want children for the first 35 years of my life. Alas, I later moved into the less fun childfree-not-by-choice category, but until then, they were a no-go.

I count myself as socially aware, environmentally-minded, politically frustrated, and not exactly the most wealthy person. These could have been major reasons why I didn't have children. In a small part, they were.

But they were not the main reason. I didn't try for children because I didn't want them.

And I'm not the only one.

This is what the data has to say. A 2024 Pew Research study reveals that, in women under 50 who are unlikely to have children (both by choice and circumstance), the majority — 57% — say the main reason is that they just don't want them.

In adults over 50, for those who didn't have children, that 57% turns into 77%.

Concerns about finances, the state of the world and the environment came lower in both groups.

Interestingly, in the over 50s, those who did want children but never had them, the biggest reason — for 39% of respondents — is that it just never happened. The report does not mention environmental or political reasons at all for this subset.

So the idea that people who want children are not having them because of environmental or political reasons is, in most circumstances, not accurate. Neither is the idea that people who say they don't want children would change their mind if it weren't for environmental or political circumstances.

This is important because when we talk about external circumstances for not having children, it makes some big assumptions.

It assumes that having children is still the default human setting. That if we removed all external obstacles like finances, environmental impacts or the state of the world, many people who previously said they didn't want children would have them. By extension, this assumes a "you want them, really!" attitude, which any childfree-by-choice person will tell you is incredibly frustrating to encounter.

It also assumes that people who want children are refraining from arguably one of the most socially acceptable things to do in this world because of external circumstances. This can be true, but as that research shows, it's not as common as many of us think.

On the flipside, you can also argue that it assumes parents don't care about the state of the world as much as the childfree. If they did, why would they bring kids into this mess?

Yet I know plenty of parents who are environmentalists, or work for charities that support war-torn countries, or join protests to protect human rights. I know parents who are deeply worried about climate change and do their part to reduce their contribution.

They are awake to the state of the world, but they still made the choice to have kids.

This isn't to say external issues don't play a part in the decision to have children; they absolutely do. It is also likely to become more of a factor as time goes on. That Pew Research study revealed that 13% of people over 50 said the state of the world was a reason they don't have children. That jumped to 38% for those under 50.

And there is certainly evidence to suggest that external factors have a big part to play in the size of families people choose to have. One-child households are on the rise, and environmental and financial reasons are often cited as to why. Twenty three per cent of British parents say they want to have more children but are unlikely to do so because of external circumstances.

This makes sense. In this world of prohibitively expensive childcare, a lack of support, climate change, and a political environment that seems intent on destroying itself, one or two kids is a more sensible decision to make than having three, four or more.

But I am not as interested (in this article at least) in how the external factor argument affects people who wanted kids but had fewer than expected.

I am more interested in how it affects people who never wanted children and the perceived validity of the reasons they give.

When I was childfree by choice, it was hard to answer people who asked me why I didn't have children. Sometimes I would use the external circumstances argument. It felt easier than saying I just didn't want them.

When I said it was because I didn't want them, I heard the usual schtick. I distinctly remember a customer of my wine store telling me that it was a selfish thing to do. Others chuckled at my naïvety, confidently declaring I would change my mind (in my case, they were irritatingly right!).

These judgments are reported everywhere. Article after article documents how people feel judged by their lack of children and the reasons they give.

There is even corroborative research about this. One study by Queen's University Belfast set up conversations with childfree by choice and their social groups to find out how they talked about their childfree stance.

Whilst 80% of them did say they simply didn't want children (which further supports the Pew Research findings), they also:

saw accounts of people privately knowing that they don't want children who, in those situations, implied otherwise.

This was especially true with family members who were "quite demanding or questioning of the childfree stance."

In other words, it is not easy to admit that you don't want children just because you don't want children.

This throws the external circumstances argument into an interesting light. If people feel uncomfortable saying they don't want children just because, is it such a stretch to say they sometimes hide behind the arguably more acceptable reasons of climate change, politics and finances? Especially when it can certainly be a factor in their decision-making anyway.

When my husband and I would occasionally visit the idea of having kids throughout our twenties and early thirties, we worried about what sort of world we would be bringing a child into.

But it wasn't the main reason we didn't have them. The main reason, time and again, was that we didn't want them.

The childfree by choice are still a relatively understudied subset. Psychology professors at Michigan State University say they are often lumped in with "non-parents" of all circumstances (they are doing work to change that and study the childfree in their own right).

It's why the external circumstances argument is so interesting. Quite often, we ask the wrong question. So many studies and surveys I've looked at ask people without children:

What are the reasons you don't have children?

If someone asked me that question when I was childfree-by-choice, I would absolutely have chosen external circumstances as one reason. Because it was.

But that's not the most accurate question to ask. You would be better off asking:

If you are childfree by choice, if we lived in a world that wasn't a mess, we didn't have climate change, and you were financially comfortable, would you change your mind and have them?

I would love to see how many people truly are childfree by infliction. Any data that helps society better understand the childfree-by-choice, their motivations and reasons, is a good thing.

Because it's only once we truly understand real motivations that we can begin to set aside judgments and assumptions and swap them for understanding and empathy.

And that's a win for everyone, childfree, parent or other.

Charlie is a personal essayist and food and wine writer living in Portugal. Read more at This Much I Know.

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