Calling Moscow - 28

This conversation happened on Sunday, July 28, one day after Trump had an eventful Saturday, with an address to the bitcoin conference in Nashville, Tennessee and a rally in St.Cloud, Minnesota.

“Hello, Vlad?”

“Yes, Donnie”

“I hate her so much!”

“Whom?”

“Freaking Laughin’ Kamala, that’s who.”

“Ah, that. What did she do?”

“She called me unhinged and weird. Can you imagine, me, weird!”

Putin laughs into his sleeve, “Yes I can.” To Trump, “No way! You are not weird at all.”

“She is just a nasty, evil woman, Vlad! Nasty and evil, San Francisco liberal. I don’t know what to do about her.”

“What do you mean?”

“She is stealing my thunder, Vlad. All the media are now running with her and around her like crazy, all the stories are now about her! It’s like I don’t exist anymore!”

“It’s the media, Donnie, you know better than anyone how it works. She’s a new toy for them, their enthusiasm will wane at some point.”

“I hope so. And this line she pushes, Prosecutor vs. Felon, I hate it so much! I need to put the media back in shock and awe again. Shock and awe. I tried yesterday at the Minnesota rally, when I said I’ve become even worse, tougher after the shooting. But so far, nothing. Nothing, Vlad, it’s like their outrage machine broke.”

“Well, they seem to have shifted their attention to JD Vance, Donnie.”

“And I hate that too! How dare they make him front page news! I hate it so much!”

“Are you having buyer’s remorse, Donnie?”

“What do you mean?”

“About picking JD for your VP?”

“Ah, maybe. You know, Vlad, I never really wanted him to be my running mate. Believe it or not, I was seriously considering Tricky Nikki, can you believe it?”

“Nikki Hailey, you mean? How come? I thought you hated her.”

“And I did, but then she endorsed me at the RNC, and told me she’d be honored to work for my administration again. Honored, can you imagine!”

“Oh wow, I guess she really turned around, didn’t she?”

“Yes, and she could deliver me some female votes and some traditional southern Republicans, so-called never-Trumpers. Can you imagine, there are still never-Trumpers. Stupid people!”

“Ok, so why didn’t you go with her then?”

“Junior and Peter Thiel convinced me JD would be a good choice. I have to show some love to those big tech bros like Peter, that’s why I went to the bitcoin conference yesterday. It was so much fun, they all loved me there, Vlad!”

“Ah, that makes sense. I’m glad you enjoyed the conference. Crypto is probably the easiest way for you to pay me your debt. Crypto beats sanctions. We need to encourage and support crypto every way we can.”

“Sure, Vlad. You know, someone called JD Shady Vance on the internet and it stuck! Unbelievable, I wish I came up with that, Shady Vance.”

“He is on your side, Donnie, remember?”

“That’s why I can’t call him that, but it’s such a cool nickname – Shady Vance. I wish I came up with that!”

“If you are unhappy with him now, Donnie, imagine how long the four years of presidency will be for you with him as your VP.”

“Oh, I won’t worry about that. If I win, I’ll keep him by my side only when needed, just like I did with Pence.”

“Oh, we call that a wedding general, Donnie.”

“A wedding general? Interesting. Why?”

“It’s a common phrase, you just want someone important-looking at your staged events like a wedding, an attention magnet who has no real power, just sitting by your side for show.”

“Exactly! A wedding general, I like it! I like it very much, Vlad. Shady Vance will be my wedding general!”

“Is it too late for you to fire him now, Donnie, and go with Nikki Hailey? I kinda think your rationale for going with her makes sense.”

“There are rules, Vlad, with the RNC and party procedures. I was told it won’t be easy to get rid of Shady Vance now. Not that easy.”

“Well, too bad. Nikki would have been good.”

“Yeah, but you know if I lose the election I will have Shady Vance to blame. So, in that sense, he might be good.”

“I don’t even want you to think about losing the election, Donnie.”

“I’m not, it’s just in case. There are so many Trump 2024 signs everywhere I go, Vlad, I cannot lose this election! Everybody loves me! Wherever I go, so many Trump 2024 signs!”

“Excellent, Donnie. I have to go now, to see the brief on the Olympics, but I’ll talk with you later.”

“You are watching the Olympics, Vlad? I thought Russia wasn’t there.”

“You are right, my team is not there. But I watch it just to make fun of it. We should do it together sometime.”

“That would be great, Vlad! I’d like that very much.”

“Ok, Donnie, until then, bye.”

“Bye, Vlad.”

After hanging up, “I don’t know why, but I always feel better after I talk to him. He is such a good friend.”