"I am not Dorian Nakamoto"

"Why can't I pay with this?!" The hooded guy at the counter exclaimed at the cashier. The manager came out running with a phone by his ears, threatening to call the police if he continued to cause a ruckus. Heh. As if the Gods were helping me, I knew I had to act quickly, as the attention was at the counter. And there it was, sitting alone on top of the table waiting to be stolen, that youngster probably went to the bathroom or something. I went for it and dashed out.

If I hadn't stolen that laptop three months ago, I wouldn't be in part of this shitshow. Damn it, ha, the things I did do for some cash. But I couldn't skip out on the chance; that youngster just left his laptop out in the open. Thinking about it now, it was too easy, almost as if he were waiting for me to act. That cunning boy caught me in his web; that's how I became one of his Satoshi Nakamoto pawns.

I restarted the items I "found" before handing them over to a second party in return for cash. As I opened that boy's computer, what seemed to be a blank word doc was open. There was no x option on the right corner. I strolled through the nine blank pages and noticed "4330 words" on the doc's bottom left. So, like any other human being unable to hold back natural curiosity, I tried highlighting the document. That was mistake number two, damn it.

Click. "What the f…" crossed my mind as I stared at the minesweeper displayed in the middle of the page. So naturally, I clicked on the grey box in the center.

beep. Beep. BEep. BEEp. BEEP BEEP BEEP. I don't recall if it was my heart that stopped for a moment in the abrupt silence, but on the screen was this x eyed smiling emoji staring at my twisted insides from anxiety. This emoji rolled out its tongue, and on its tongue was the following:

"Satoshi Nakamoto. Remember this name as you will become the next Satoshi Nakamoto.

Let my name drift into the cryptomania abyss away from the social system based on "trust" that hangs onto sanity by the thread. Let my name be a reminder to those who trust the thin thread that it is only a matter of time before it is severed, leaving you insane for holding on to the "trust" by yourself.

The trust my ancestors had in the land of the free and opportunity was futile, and the future seemed bleak as the feeble-minded fail to acknowledge reality and deception spurred from mass media, politicians, and gossips. There are too many cracks and instability that continue to rise from history's declaration with green paper. It is like watching my pet hamster running in the wheel with no other purpose than to wear himself out, like how humans gave pieces of paper value only to screw themselves over after relying on third parties to "take care" of their assets.

Due to unavoidable circumstances, I had to wait five years to release my electronic gold ideology that relies on cryptographic proof instead of trust. Luckily, I had Satoshi Nakamoto to type up the Bitcoin white paper for me as I laid out the key fundamentals for this form of electronic currency…"

That's what I remember because I took a picture of it, the dead smiley emoji was intriguing to look at. Initially, I had no idea what this Nakamoto person wanted from me, but I felt complacent as if this crazy idea clicked within me. The stolen computer's owner seemed to be in his teens, so I assumed that he was going through puberty and his dissatisfaction with the world was unbearable that he had to act. All this nonsense and idea of electronic money seemed like a prank, but April Fool's Day had already passed. The more I scroll, I realized how deep I got myself into something that sounded so unreal. Now that I realize, by the time I stole the computer, I had already become Satoshi Nakamoto.

I skipped a couple of pages, there was just too much to read and ways I wouldn't have understood anything more cryptic. At the near bottom of the x eyed smiling emoji's tongue was a simple direction, actually more like a command.

"Press the left x eye of the emoji first, then the right x eye to exit, then to release this white paper to the public simply close the laptop."

Click. Nothing happened when I clicked the left x eye. Click. The emoji rolled up its tongue, and the white document consisted of nine pages of what the kid was trying to explain to me on the tongue, I assumed. I didn't bother reading its contents; whatever I read from the emoji was already too much information. I remember closing the laptop, and it never turned back on until now, January 2009. It started rapidly beeping, so I opened it, and there it was a blank tongue. There was a command I cannot tell you, but I will tell you that I was promised for this "bitcoin" shit he mentioned and to not turn me in for stealing if I wrote my story. You probably have more knowledge on this topic as your job will be more sophisticated, so riddle me this: "Bitcoin: A Peer-to-Peer Electronic Cash System," as the world knows, is only 3550 words.

P.S. This Satoshi Nakamoto will now exit, and you're next, Satoshi Nakamoto.