Your relationship with your mind matters

Have you ever asked yourself this question "Why am I always in my head while others seem to enjoy their lives unbothered by what their mind says". I have let this question gift me countless sleepless nights and restless days. Do you feel trapped inside your mind because of your hard-core thought patterns and belief system?Today,I will share my strained relationship with my mind and how I am working everyday to improve this relationship.

"We all see the world differently because of difference in perspectives"

Till today ,this line remains my biggest lesson.It makes me realise that the perception that we develop towards the outside world during early stages of life decide the later half of our life.I wish that I knew about this during childhood. For instance ,a rape survivor will always be petrified of people. The stored trauma inside the body and mind will make it impossible to trust people.There life will revolve around this dread of being raped again.Their body will shake by the stare of lechers.No matter how hard they try, their life will be never the same.Scientifically speaking ,their brain chemistry changes. In other words, there is a shift in perception towards the outside world.

During my early teenage years,I developed social anxiety. It stemmed frommy insecurity towards my body. I had this massive fear that people will judge me and say something hurtful to me.It was at this stage of my life where my perception towards the outside world changed. My behaviour and habits started moving towards this perception.I stopped stepping out of house because I was intimidated by the panic that my intrusive thoughts created during social gatherings. This fear got embedded in my subconscious mind. My body used to freeze and my mind made it feel very real.My mind made me believe that everyone in the room is staring and judging me even though no one really cared. I had no one with whom I could share share my feelings because my family never tried to understood me.Till today, I am fighting a battle with social anxiety. But the difference is that now i know that this anxiety exists because of deep rooted fear of being seen and judged by others. The thought that the panic is cooked up by my mind and it is not tangible somehow used to relieve me.

These type of experiences turned me into a passive and ungrateful person.I stopped living for a while.But it was all unintentional. I never wanted to waste my life.My naivety and dumbness made me do this forcefully.

This proves that a happy childhood and teenage years make happy adults.

My battle with my mental health has taught me patience and endurance. You have to keep going ahead no matter how hard your intrusive thoughts try. During pandemic, I finally decided to know myself better through self-reflection and introspection. I learned that it is all about your perspective and belief system.I wrote down all of my rigid and limiting beliefs which made a negative person from within. I started challenging those beliefs and thoughts which stopped me from being comfortable in myself.I told myself that it is not the end of the world if someone stares or judges me. This line broke down my lifelong fear.I started to built a healthy perspective and this enabled me to change my thought patterns.I came to realise that it was me who never loved my body and myself not the people and therefore in order to change, I startedappreciating and accepting my body.It raised my self-esteem and helped me to manage my social anxiety effectively I started meditating daily and I felt as if a heavy load has been taken off from my body. Each day,I sat with my sorrow and toxic thoughts and learned to not believe or give attention t them.

Before building any relationship with others, it is important to make a healthy relationship with your own mind. My biggest challenge was to look inside me and self-introspect because deep-down I knew that my mental health needed a lot of repair from the damage caused by my trauma and insecurities.But,I did not give up.I am still working on my relationship with my mind and I will keep on working on it.

After a tough day,I can always return to the breath ,to the stillness ,to the space that I've made within myself.