You Can Heal From Narcissistic Abuse Even if You Can't Afford a Therapist

I've had a rough past few years. Bitten by a toxic job and an even worse relationship, there were times when I didn't know if I would make it through.

During my darkest days - truth be told - I wasn't sure I even wanted to.

Maybe you've felt the same?

It's hard. Possibly the hardest thing you'll ever do. But, I'm here to tell you you can make it to the other side. And it's worth it.

When you're struggling to keep your head above water, it's hard to believe, I know, but you can to go from the victim, to survivor, and finally to thriving.

I'm well on my way and I've had little support or professional help, so take that as a sign there's hope for everyone.

If I can do it, take heart. You can too.

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#1. Score a quick win by ditching social-media

I cannot speak highly enough of the mental-health benefits available from deleting social media accounts.

It's a quick and easy change and you'll notice the difference straight-away.

When you get rid of your socials:

• There's no temptation to check in on how former flames or friends are doing.

• You're no longer bombarded by highlight reels or fabricated lifestyles.

When your head is a mess, and you're feeling at your worst, social media is only going to make you feel alone and steer your focus toward the wrong things.

Give your socials a miss for a while, and you'll notice the improvement to your headspace.

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#2. Do things that make you feel good about yourself

Moving your body helps release hormones. One hormone, called endorphins, relieves stress and makes you feel happier, so exercising, even if it's just a short daily walk, will help you feel better.

Set mini-goals. Deciding you will clean the house, cook one healthy meal a day, go for a walk, make the bed, whatever it is, and following through will help you build up confidence in yourself again.

If you're up to it, set bigger goals: Start that business, get your health back on track, prepare to date again, or whatever it is you want from life going forward.

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#3. Talk to yourself the way you talk to the people you love

Years of gaslighting will leave your self-esteem in tatters, so just like building your muscles in the gym, you need to work at building up your confidence, too.

Set another mini-goal to say ten nice things to yourself every day.

Sit in front of the mirror and tell yourself what it is you like about who you are.

The focus shouldn't be on your appearance but most of us are pretty hard on ourselves when we catch a glimpse of our reflection, so make a point of finding one thing you like about your looks each time you're staring back at yourself.

Pay attention when you're being hyper-critical of yourself. When you make a mistake, create a habit to stop. Then choose to change the narrative.

Be the type of friend to yourself you wish you had.

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#4. Educate yourself with free resources

Most of us find ourselves victims of narcissism because we're ill-prepared for those with less-than-pure motives, and we place more value on others' happiness than respecting and taking care of ourselves.

Educating yourself on what a healthy relationship realistically looks like, and the warning signs of toxic behaviors is crucial. It'll help you understand what you've been through, find compassion for yourself, and enable you to develop healthy relationships going forward.

Fortunately, in the era of mass content creation, there are a ton of useful free resources at your disposal.

Licensed therapists like Dr. Ramani who share their knowledge and expertise on YouTube offer a great resource to start out your journey.

Build a toolbox of behaviors to look out for, and develop coping and exit strategies.

Find out about terms like:

• hoovering; and

• gaslighting.

Determine your expectations in your relationships and everyday interactions and build solid boundaries around them.

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#5. Connect with other survivors, but then move on

One of the most healing experiences is sharing your pain with someone who intimately understands it, too.

You may find community in an online forum, a church or community group, or even a friend or family member who has walked the same path.

This study underwrites the mental health benefits of seeking social connection online. It showed that the support students gleaned from self-disclosure on Facebook facilitated interactions:

"led to increased perceived social support, enhanced life satisfaction, and reduced depression."

Spend some time talking about your suffering, and learning from others' experiences, but then choose to let go of victimhood and use your experience as a catalyst for growth.

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We can all heal with time and effort

I won't lie, I'm a huge advocate of counseling (I didn't complete a psychology degree for the fun of it) so if you can afford it, and you've found the right therapist for you, then it's the best place to start.

But, let's not kid ourselves; it's an option that's beyond reach for most.

So, give these action steps a go and see how they impact your journey back to health.

Let's not merely survive, but thrive.

I wish you all the best in your healing.

You can do this!

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This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. If clinical care is needed, please consult the local services available to you which offer free or subsidized health care specific to your case.